Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I don't remember how we met. Maybe it was at a fan meet-and-greet event. Or maybe it was on one of his many dates with me. Either way, we bonded immediately. He was tall and broad shouldered, with shaggy hair and a roguish glint in his eye.He wore a leather jacket that made him look like a rock star and he had a couple of necklaces that I thought made him look even more bad boy", if that was possible. I loved that look on his face. It was somewhere between mischief and mischievousness and I thought it matched my personality perfectly. We spent a lot of time together.I was his girlfriend, but we weren't officially "together". That would come later. For now, we were just enjoying the ride.
Our relationship was strange. There were moments when we were intimate and cuddly and then there were moments when he was distant and moody. It was like he was playing with me.I felt like a toy. A doll. A pretty little thing that he could play with.
We met when I was still in high school. College was the goal. That was what I was supposed to do. Get a degree and become successful and then I would be worthy of him.But what was the point of college if he was going to be like this?Was I really worth the trouble?
It wasn't as though I didn't try to help him. I did everything in my power to make sure he was successful. I took care of his skin and his hair and his drinking problem. I paid for his rehab and everything. He promised me that he would stop drinking once we got to L.A. but that never happened.It was like he was using me as a crutch. I was fine without him, but he needed me. I was his girlfriend, but we weren't together. It was a mess. But I stayed because I wanted to prove to myself that I was strong enough to handle him.That was until he started hitting me. Hitting was his thing.He would hit me, grab me, kiss me, and then hit me again. He would call me names and tell me that I was nothing without him and then hit me again. It was a rollercoaster of emotions and I hated it. I hated him for it and I hated myself for letting him get away with it for so long.I blamed myself for everything.I was always the one to blame. Even when other people did things to hurt me, I blamed myself. I was always the weak link. The unlovable piece of shit. The ugly duckling. Nobody loved me and I hated myself for that. I deserved to be loved. I deserved to be beautiful. But I was not and I was not and I was not.I told him that I was leaving him. That I was done with him. That I was taking our relationship back to the way it was before the way it was when we fell in love. I told him that if he wanted me back, he had to follow the rules. He had to stop drinking and drugging and acting like a monster.