Chapter 6: The Confession
Dina sat in the driver's seat of her aging Honda, both hands wrapped around the steering wheel as if it were the only thing keeping her tethered to the earth. The engine had been off for three minutes now, and the cabin had cooled to a comfortable evening temperature, but she couldn't bring herself to open the door. Her fingers still tingled where Astrid's thumb had traced slow circles across her skin.
She closed her eyes and saw it again. The warm glow of Shane and Astrid's apartment. Astrid's belly pressing against the soft fabric of her dress as she leaned closer on the couch. The way their hands had found each other, almost by accident, and then lingered with intent. Dina had felt the pulse in Astrid's wrist against her own. She had smelled something floral and clean, maybe shampoo or lotion, and it had woven itself into her memory like a ribbon she couldn't untie.
And then Shane's voice, low and even, after Astrid had excused herself to the bathroom. "I see it. Between you two. I'm not going to stand in the way of what she needs."
What she needs. Dina exhaled a shaky breath and let her head fall back against the headrest. The amber streetlight outside painted her dashboard in warm stripes. In the distance, a dog barked twice and fell silent. Her apartment window glowed on the third floor, and she knew Leo was up there, probably pacing the living room, waiting to ask if she'd eaten enough, if she needed help with the stairs, if the baby was kicking. The thought made her stomach clench with something between guilt and resentment.
She fished her phone out of her purse. Her thumb moved on its own, scrolling to the contacts. Astrid's name sat there like an accusation. She had typed it in two days ago after their conversation in the deli back room, and she had stared at it since, never daring to press call.
What would she even say? Thank you for the dinner. Yes, I felt it too. My husband hasn't touched me like a woman in months, and the way you looked at me tonight made me feel like I might actually still be one.
Her belly shifted, a sharp kick against her ribs. She placed her palm over the spot and breathed through the discomfort. "I know, little one," she murmured. "Mama's being stupid."
But she didn't believe it. Not really. There was something between her and Astrid that defied explanation, something that had bloomed in the steamy back room of the deli over ginger compresses and honest words. Astrid understood. Astrid saw her, not as a walking cradle or a fragile thing to be handled with care, but as a woman with needs and hungers and a heart that still wanted to be wanted.
Dina thought about Leo. Sweet, cautious Leo, who had started sleeping on the far edge of the bed six weeks ago because he was afraid of bumping her belly. Leo, who brought her water and pillows and foot massages but flinched when she tried to kiss him deeply, like he was preserving something sacred instead of touching his wife. She loved him. She did. But love without passion was slowly suffocating her, and tonight, sitting in this dark car with the ghost of Astrid's touch on her hand, she felt the weight of that starvation in her bones.
Her thumb hovered over the call button.
A car passed on the street, headlights sweeping across her windshield. Dina watched it go, then looked back at her phone. The screen had dimmed, and she thumbed it awake. Astrid's name glowed back at her.
She thought about the moment in the kitchen, when Shane had stepped out to check on the baby's room, and Dina had stood to help Astrid clear plates. Their bodies had been close, belly to belly almost, and Astrid had reached out and taken her hand. Not in a friendly, pat-on-the-arm sort of way. She had cradled Dina's fingers in both of hers and looked at her with those dark, serious eyes.
"When Leo comes home," Astrid had said, her voice low enough that Shane wouldn't hear from the hallway, "you tell him what you need. Even if it scares you."
Dina had wanted to ask, "And what about what I need from you?" But the words had caught in her throat, and then Shane had returned, and the moment had scattered like ash.
Now the question was burning a hole in her chest.
She pressed the call button before she could talk herself out of it. The phone rang once. Twice. Dina's heart hammered so hard she could feel it in her temples. She almost hung up. Her finger moved to the end call icon, but then a third ring came, and then Astrid's voice, soft and surprised:
"Dina?"
Dina opened her mouth but no sound came out. She could hear Astrid breathing, could hear the faint rustle of fabric, maybe her shifting on the bed or the couch. Her belly tightened with another kick, and she let out a small involuntary gasp.
"Are you okay?" Astrid's voice sharpened with concern. "Did something happen? Is the baby—"
"No. No, everything is fine." Dina's voice came out rough and strained. She cleared her throat. "I'm in my car. Outside my apartment. I just. I couldn't go in yet."
A pause. Then Astrid said, quietly, "Okay."
Dina closed her eyes. The amber light was warm against her eyelids. She could feel the ghost of that thumb still circling on her skin, and she realized, with a sudden clarity that made her breath catch, that she didn't want to let it go. That maybe she had been hungry for something she couldn't name for a very long time, and Astrid had just shown her what it was.
"I keep thinking about tonight," Dina said. The words tumbled out before she could stop them. "About your hand on mine. About what you said. About the way your husband looked at me like he knew exactly what was happening between us."
The silence on the other end stretched long enough that Dina wondered if she had made a terrible mistake. She stared at her reflection in the dark windshield, a pale ghost with a round belly and wild, tangled hair, and waited.
"I'm still thinking about it too," Astrid finally said. And there was something in her voice, a raw and unguarded quality that Dina had never heard before. "I haven't been able to think about anything else."
Dina heard the words and felt them land somewhere deep in her chest, a stone dropped into still water. She shifted in her seat, the seatbelt already off, her thighs pressing together as a low throb started between her legs. "I can't stop touching my hand," she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. "Where you touched me. I keep rubbing my thumb over the same spot like I'm trying to keep you there."
"I want to be there." Astrid's voice was honey and gravel. "I want to be right there with you. Are you still in the car?"
"Yes."
"Lock the doors."
Dina's hand moved without thought, pressing the lock button. The click echoed in the cabin. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it. "Locked."
"Good." There was a rustle on Astrid's end, and then a creak, like a bed shifting. "I'm in our bedroom. Shane's here with me. He knows I'm talking to you."
Dina's throat tightened. "He does?"
"He's got his hand on my belly right now." Astrid's voice was soft, almost dreamy. "The baby's kicking. She knows her mama's happy."
A sharp kick answered in Dina's own belly, and she let out a small sound. "Mine's kicking too."
"Good." Astrid's voice dropped lower, taking on a cadence that made Dina's skin prickle. "Now listen to me. I want you to open your legs for me. Just a little. Just enough that your hand can fit between them."
Dina's breath caught. She glanced up at her apartment window, three floors glowing warm and safe, where Leo was likely pacing. But she didn't reach for the door handle. Instead, her hand slid down her belly, over the taut roundness of it, and settled between her thighs. The fabric of her sundress was thin, and she could feel the heat of herself through it.
"I'm doing it," she said, her voice trembling.
"Good girl." Astrid's praise washed over her like warm water. "Now I want you to think about what you want. Not what Leo wants. Not what's proper or careful. What do you want, Dina?"
"Your hand," Dina breathed. "I want your hand on me."
"Where? Where do you want it?"
The truth came tumbling out before she could filter it. "Inside me. I want your fingers inside me while your other hand holds my belly."
On the other end of the line, Astrid let out a soft, ragged sigh. "God, Dina. You have no idea what that does to me. Shane's stroking my thigh now. He likes hearing you say it."
Dina's hips bucked involuntarily against her own hand. The sound of Astrid's arousal, the intimacy of being heard, was setting her blood on fire. She slipped her hand beneath the edge of her panties, and her fingers found herself slick and swollen.
"I'm so wet," she gasped. "Just from your voice. Just from thinking about you."
"Show me." Astrid's voice was a low command. "Press your fingers against your clit and tell me how it feels."
Dina obeyed, her middle finger finding the swollen nub and circling slowly. She let out a long, shuddering exhale. "It feels like I haven't been touched in years. Because I haven't. Not like this. Leo won't even look at my body anymore."
She heard Astrid murmur something to Shane, a soft exchange she couldn't make out. Then Shane's voice came through the speaker, warm and deep. "Dina. You hear that? Astrid says you're beautiful. That your belly is gorgeous. That she wants to press her face against it and feel your baby kick against her cheek."
A sob caught in Dina's throat, half pleasure, half emotion. Her fingers moved faster, pressing harder. The sounds she was making were small and desperate now, leaking out of her throat without permission.
"I want to feel your nipples," Astrid said, her voice back in control, a smooth and confident melody. "I bet they're dark now. Full. Sensitive. I want to run my thumb over one and watch you shiver."
Dina pulled her dress up with her free hand, exposing her heavy, aching breasts. The cool air hit them and she whimpered. She rolled her nipple between her fingers and gasped at how startlingly good it felt, how long it had been since anyone had touched her there.
"That's it," Astrid crooned. "That's it. You're being so good for me, Dina. I love your body like this. Full and ripe and round. You're glowing, you know that? Pregnant women are the most beautiful creatures on this earth."
Her husband's voice came through again, low and encouraging, like he was sitting right next to Dina in the passenger seat. "Shane says he loves the way you're touching yourself," Astrid relayed. "He says listening to you makes him hard. He's got his hand on his cock right now, stroking slow while I talk to you."
Dina's hips were rocking against her hand now, her belly and breasts heavy above her, arousal flooding her thighs. "Astrid," she gasped. "I'm so close. I'm so close. I need permission. Please."
"You have it." Astrid's voice was pure devotion. "I'm holding you right now, Dina. I'm holding your hand, whispering in your ear. Come for me. Come while I watch my husband stroke himself to the sound of your voice."
"Fuck," Dina whimpered. The word came out high and desperate. Her fingers ground against her clit in frantic circles, her other hand twisted in the fabric of her dress, and the orgasm crashed over her like a wave. She arched hard against the seat, her pregnant belly straining against the harness of her dress, her mouth open in a silent cry as her body shuddered and pulsed around her own fingers.
"My God," she breathed as the waves ebbed. Her thighs trembled, slick and sticky. She sank back into the driver's seat, her chest heaving.
Astrid's voice was soft and warm. "I felt that. I felt every bit of it."
Dina could hear Shane in the background, his voice thick with pleasure. She heard Astrid murmur something to him, then come back to the phone. "He says you sound like an angel. He's glad you called."
Dina's eyes stung and she realized with surprise that she was crying. Not sad tears. Something else. Relief. Release. "Thank you," she whispered. "No one has made me feel like that in months. Maybe ever."
"Tomorrow," Astrid said. "I want to see you. At the deli. Or here. Somewhere we can be alone."
"Yes," Dina said without hesitation. "Tomorrow."
She heard the smile in Astrid's voice. "Good. Now go inside. Let Leo fuss over you. And when you're lying in bed on your side, touch yourself again, and think about me."
"I will." Dina's voice was a promise.
The line clicked softly. Dina sat in the darkness for another moment, her hand still between her thighs, her body humming like a struck bell. Then she looked up at her apartment window, took a deep breath, and finally opened the car door.