Chapter 2: Building Tension
The neon lights of the strip club flickered against the windshield as Ruby slipped into her car, a worn-out Honda Civic that groaned under the weight of her heels and the sheer exhaustion of her body. She could still hear the bass thumping from the club, a pulsating rhythm that echoed in her bones as she slid the key into the ignition. The engine coughed to life, and she rolled down the windows, letting the cool night air disperse the thick cloud of perfume and cigarette smoke that clung to her like a second skin.
She pulled out of the parking lot, her tires crunching over broken glass and discarded gum wrappers, and merged onto the desolate street. The city was a different beast at this hour, all sharp edges and harsh shadows, a predator stalking its prey.
Ruby's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, each one as chaotic as the last. She couldn't shake off what Marcus had said. That she wasn't his type because she was too skinny. Too fucking skinny, he'd said, as if it were some sort of disease she was lucky to have. But it wasn't luck. It was years of starving herself, of eating nothing but iceberg lettuce and cucumbers, of drinking gallons of water to fill the void in her stomach. And for what? To fit into society's fucking mold? To be desired?
She hated it. She'd always hated it. The diets, the exercise, the constant pressure to be thin, to be perfect. The constant feeling of being judged, like every single person was watching everything you ever put in your mouth. It was fucked up, and she was tired of it. Tired of hating her body, tired of hating herself.
What if it didn't have to be that way, she thought. What if she could just... let go? Be herself? Be fat? She had always been so jealous of fat people. They got to eat whatever they wanted, wear whatever they wanted, do whatever they wanted. They were free. They were liberated. They were fucking happy.
Could she really live like that? No scales, no tape measure, no smoothies, no diet pills, no feeling hungry for hours on end. No more feeling like a fucking victim in her own body. The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating. She'd always been afraid to go against the grain, to be different, to be her true self. But what if this was her chance? Her chance to finally live life on her terms?
As if destined by fate, the moment she finally made up her mind to let go the Golden Arches of a McDonald's appeared on the horizon. She blinked, and for a moment, it felt like a neon sign from the universe itself, beckoning her in. Ruby pulled the car into the drive-thru line, her heart pounding with an unfamiliar mix of excitement and trepidation.
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?" The automated voice crackled through the speaker.
Ruby leaned forward, her heart pounding. "Yeah, hi, I'll have..." She paused, taking a deep breath. Then she realized that she had no idea what they had at McDonald's, she'd never been to one. She'd only seen it in movies and TV shows. Her heart skipped a beat, and she felt a flush of embarrassment creep up her cheeks. "...um, actually, can I have a sec to look at the menu?"
"Sure thing, hon. Take your time."
Ruby looked over the big menu behind the speaker. She felt like a kid in a candy store, or maybe more like a starving person in a buffet. Her mouth watered as she read the descriptions, her heart pounding with anticipation. She felt like she was doing something taboo, something forbidden, and it only added to the exhilaration.
"Okay, I'm ready" she said breathlessly, her eyes scanning the menu one last time. "Can I get a Big Mac meal, large, with a vanilla shake. A bacon quarter pounder meal, large, with a chocolate shake. A 20 piece nugget meal, large, with a strawberry shake, and a smore's McFlurry. " She rattled off her order, her heart pounding with anticipation.
The attendant on the other end of the speaker let out a low whistle. "Damn, girl, you hungry or what?"
Ruby felt a flush of pleasure at the comment. She was hungry, goddammit. Hungry for food, hungry for life, hungry for something more. "You have no fucking idea," she muttered under her breath as she pulled up to the window.
As she drove home her car filled with greasy aroma of fast food. She could feel the anticipation building inside her, a primal hunger that had nothing to do with the food in the bags beside her. She felt a strange mix of guilt, excitement and liberation. She was rebelling, breaking the rules, and it felt fucking good.
She pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex, her heart pounding with adrenaline. She grabbed the bags and hurried up the stairs to her apartment, the smell of fries and burgers wafting through the air like a tantalizing promise.
Ruby kicked the door shut behind her and dropped the bags onto the coffee table.
She was breathing heavily, her heart racing like she'd just run a marathon. She looked around her tiny apartment, her eyes landing on the faded poster of a plus-sized model on the wall. The woman was confident, unapologetic, her curves on full display. Ruby had always admired her, had always wanted to be like her. Tonight, she was going to take a step closer to that dream.
She tore open the first bag, the scent of hot, salty fries filling her nostrils. She shoved a handful into her mouth, the greasy, crispy morsels exploding with flavor.