Chapter 1: Introduction
Laboratory No. 17, or as most people in the building called it "Christianne's place", was where I once again sat trying to finish my work as the sun was setting. It seemed normal by now.
7:30, first one in the lab. 12:00, have lunch in the lab. 17:00, see everyone else leave the lab. 19:00, clean up and go home exhausted. I had been doing this dance for months, every day feeling the same dread of having to face another day filled with unrelenting deadlines and expectations.
I looked around the dimly lit lab, all white and sterile. Everything was orderly, yet chaotic. My life was defined by the same four walls. The same humming of the same machines. The same routine. The same stress. The same anxiety.
It wasn't just my work that made me feel this way; it was also the weight of expectations. My supervisor was always breathing down my neck, asking me how much closer I was to finishing the project. And when they weren't asking, they were silently judging me. It's times like these, where I look back at my PHD and realise how easy life actually was back then. A time that feels like I might have wasted it a little.
I truly needed a small break from this stress. I felt that ,if this continued any longer, a burnout would be inevitable. I had tried everything: sleeping pills, meditation, a healthier diet. Pretty much any crap that those fake Instagram influencers try to push on insecure, overworked people. If they sell it, Iv'e tried it.
I had seen ads for herbal supplements promising the cure for stress, yoga mats claiming to ease tension, and even some sketchy gummy bears that promised happiness. All I got from them was heartburn, indigestion, and sleepless nights. I should've known better than to fall for it. I mean, what kind of sane person believes that a gummy bear can help you deal with life? But, lo and behold, I was still left with the constant, overwhelming sense of impending doom.
Then, a faint beep came from the corner of the lab, managed to snap me out of my self depricating stream of conciousness. My device! Finally the last bit of software had finished installing.
You see, after many relaxation methods had failed me, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I was a genius. Certainly I could use my mind to think of a way to calm itself down. So, for the past month, I have used my overtime hours to work on my own project.
I had studied other women my age that were fully carefree. I had scanned their brains, mapped them and noted which part they used less or more than I was. I figured that if I could replicate that in myself, maybe, just maybe, I could achieve a similar state of relaxation.
Ofcourse it had occured to me that most of these women I had studied, were not what you would call geniusses. From my surveys it showed that roughly 50% hadn't even finished highschool and their interests were commonly fairly vain and vapid. Fashion, clubbing and drinking. But I was confident that would not be a problem, if I kept the power on the device quite low.
As i unplugged my device from the computer, I looked it over once more. It appeared rather simple - a sleek black choker with a small needle inside the back part. And though a choker wouldn't neccessarialy be my first choice of accessory, needed something near the brain and close to a major neural passage. So a choker around the neck really was the only option that wouldn't look rediculous.
Still, I couldn't help but be nervous and anxious as I stared at it. It was beautiful and terrifying all at once.
"Well, here goes nothing," I muttered sarcastically under my breath, my voice echoing loudly through the empty lab. With a deep exhale, I positioned the choker around my neck. The small sting in the back of my neck as I felt the needle enter certainly wasn't a nice feeling, but as the initial pain subsided it felt no different than a normal choker would.
I grabbed my phone and linked the device to the app that I had developed for it. Nothing fany, just a dial to adjust the strenght of the device. I was so excited to see if it worked, but I had to remain level headed and set the dial very low at the start. This thing was practically experimental after all.
With trembling fingers i had decided that 5% should be a good point to start the device at. My heartbeat quickened as I pressed the button on my phone to activate the device. The room suddenly became eerily quiet. Time itself seemed to slow down. I held my breath, waiting for the change to happen.
The sensation began as a gentle hum in my ears, followed by a subtle vibration across my skin. It was almost as if a calming wave was washing over me, dissolving years of built-up anxiety and tension. My shoulders relaxed, and I found myself taking deeper, slower breaths. Suddenly, I realized that the heaviness in my chest had vanished completely. The tight knot of tension that usually resided there had loosened, allowing me to breathe freely without any restraints.
Enjoying the feeling that my invention actually worked, I decided to call it a night and head home. This time I couldn't be bothered with organizing the lab before I left, I could do that when I enter tomorrow morning. Now, I just wanted to head home and relax with a book and a cup of tea.