Chapter 5: Low Point
I pull in to the bar where I am supposed to meet Robert, Its a sunny clear day out that makes me glad to be outside, I wonder how many days like this i was cooped up inside for,
I park the car and make my way inside, the dim lighting takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to. I scan the room and spot Robert sitting at the bar, a glass of whiskey in front of him. I walk over and take the seat next to him, "Hey Robert, thanks for meeting me here." I say, signaling the bartender for a drink. Robert turns to me, a warm smile on his face, "No problem Thomas, its good to see you out and about. How have you been holding up?" He asks, his voice genuine and concerned.
I sigh, taking a moment to gather my thoughts before responding. "Honestly, Robert, it's been a rollercoaster. Some days I feel like I'm finally starting to move on, and others...others it's like I'm right back where I started, drowning in grief and loneliness."
Robert nods, his expression sympathetic. "Grief is a funny thing, Thomas. It doesn't follow a neat little timeline. It ebbs and flows, comes and goes like the tide. The important thing is that you're allowing yourself to feel it, to experience it fully.
That's the only way you'll be able to move through it and come out the other side stronger."
I take a sip of my whiskey, letting the burn of the alcohol ground me. "You're right, Robert. I know you are. It's just...hard. And then there's May. She's been amazing, really stepping up to help me through all of this. But sometimes I feel like...like she expects more from me than I can give right now."
Robert raises an eyebrow, swirling the amber liquid in his glass. "More? Like what?"
I hesitate, unsure of how much to reveal.
Robert and I have always been close, but this is new territory, even for us.
"Like...intimacy," I admit, my voice low.
Robert nods, his expression thoughtful. "I see. And you're not sure if you're ready for that?"
I shake my head. "It's not that. It's just...May is young, and I'm her father. I don't want to do anything to mess up our relationship, to ruin the bond we've built.
She deserves so much better than me, Robert. I'm not sure I have it in me to be what she needs right now." I stare down into the amber liquid in my glass, feeling suddenly very alone and overwhelmed by the weight of my emotions.
Robert sighs, patting me on the back comfortingly. "Thomas, you can't let fear hold you back from living your life. Yes, May is young, and yes, she's your daughter. But she's also a consenting adult who has clearly expressed a desire for a more intimate relationship with you. She's so much like a young Alice, you are lucky that woman like that are so attracted to you. " Robert says, surprising me with how relaxed he is about this.
I turn to face him, a question in my eyes. "But what if I ruin her life, Robert? What if I hurt her, or worse, get attached and end up hurting myself? I can't risk my heart again, not after Alice. I'm not sure I have it in me."
Robert looks at me with a mix of understanding and frustration. "Thomas, you can't control everything, and you certainly can't predict the future. You have a chance at something beautiful here, something that you never would have considered before.
But you're letting fear hold you back, fear of the unknown, fear of getting hurt again. And while I understand that fear, I also know that it can be crippling if you let it. You've lost so much already, Thomas. Don't let fear make you miss out on something that could bring you joy, something that could help you heal.
I take a deep breath, considering Robert's words. He's right, of course. Fear has always been a constant companion of mine, lurking in the shadows, whispering doubts and insecurities into my ear.
"What do you think Alice would say to this? May is her daughter, my daughter, our child." I say, emphasizing the last part, trying to remind myself of the truth in those words.
Robert takes a sip of his drink before answering. "I know that, Thomas. And that's why you need to be extra sure that whatever you decide to do, it's what you truly want and not just a way to cope with your grief. Alice would have wanted you to move on and live your life to the fullest. She would have wanted you to be happy. I know she would have. Can I tell you a secret?" Robert leans in closer, his voice barely above a whisper. I raise an eyebrow, intrigued. "Of course, Robert. What is it?" I ask, matching his conspiratorial tone. Robert glances around the bar, ensuring no one is within earshot before continuing. "Alice and I...we talked about this, once. About what would happen if something ever happened to her, and May acted on her crush, she has had a crush on you for years." My eyes widen in surprise. "What? When did you guys talk about that?" I ask, taken aback. Robert chuckles softly. "A Few years ago, actually. W were hanging out after I found out about Mays crush from her girlfriend and was talking to Alice, Alice was well aware of it, apparently they spoke about a lot of secrets, mother to daughter." Robert's voice brings me back to the present, and my eyes return to his. "She told you about it? And you're okay with it?" I ask, surprised by this revelation.
Robert nods. "Alice apparently approved of May pursuing you once she was of age, If things worked out differently she might have been willing to share you with her.
If you decide to act on it, you have to be sure. You don't want to hurt May or risk ruining your relationship with her, and you definitely don't want to ruin the bond you have with Alice's memory. Don't treat it like a way to fill a void, Thomas. Only do it if you genuinely want to be with May, not just because you feel lonely or lost."
Robert's words linger in my mind as I sip my whiskey in thought.
The dim lights of the bar cast a warm glow on the worn wooden surface of the counter, the hum of conversation and the distant clink of glasses providing a comforting backdrop to my racing thoughts.
"So, what do you think, Thomas?" Robert asks, breaking through my reverie. "Do you think you could ever see May in that way?"
I take a deep breath, considering my response carefully. "I don't know, Robert. It's not that I don't find May attractive – she's grown into a beautiful young woman, and she reminds me so much of Alice. It's just, she reminds me so much of Alice, is it fair to May?
Is it fair to Alice's memory? I don't want to tarnish what we had, what we built together. And May, she deserves someone who can give her everything, not some broken, grieving widower." "I understand where you're coming from, Thomas. But remember, Alice wouldn't want you to live the rest of your life alone and miserable. She loved you, and she'd want you to find happiness again, even if it's with someone unexpected." "I know, I know. It's just... complicated. I feel a deep love and affection for May, but I'm also her father. It feels wrong, taboo almost, to be thinking about her in a romantic way. Plus she has been pushing me to have a relationship with Liz, Apparently they have been dating for years without me knowing, even if you did somehow."
I take a deep breath, my thoughts swirling in my mind like a tempest. "Honestly, Robert, I don't know what to do." I take a drink enjoying the burn as the smooth liquid flows down my throat.
"I mean, I never saw it coming, Robert. Alice never mentioned anything about May being with anyone, let alone Liz. And now, here we are, and May's practically throwing Liz at me, telling me to 'give her a chance'. I just...I don't know if I can handle all this right now."
Robert nods sympathetically, "I can imagine it's a lot to take in, Thomas. But remember, May and Liz are adults, and they know what they want. You can't control their feelings or their actions.
All you can do is be honest with them, and with yourself, about what you're comfortable with and what you're not. And remember, it's okay to say no, to set boundaries. They won't think any less of you for it." "I know, Robert. I just...I don't want to hurt either of them. And I don't want to betray Alice's memory.
She was the love of my life, and I still feel her absence like a physical ache in my chest. But at the same time, I can't ignore the feelings that May stirs in me. There's a connection between us, a spark that's been there since she was a little girl, and it's only grown stronger as she's become a woman.
Robert watches me intently, waiting for me to continue. I take another sip of my whiskey, gathering my thoughts before speaking. "I just don't know if I can separate my feelings for May from my love for Alice.
It feels like a betrayal, Robert. And Liz...she's a wonderful person, but I can't help but feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. I don't want to lead her on if I can't give her what she deserves."
Robert nodded thoughtfully, "I understand that, Thomas. But remember, it's okay to be confused, to feel torn. Grief does strange things to us, makes us question ourselves and our desires. The important thing is that you're honest with everyone involved, including yourself."
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I just wish Alice was here.
She'd know what to do, what to say to make all this confusion go away," I said, staring into the amber depths of my whiskey glass.
Robert put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "She's not here, Thomas. But she left you with something precious - May. And May loves you, deeply. She wants you to be happy, even if it means finding happiness with someone else."
I looked up at Robert, his words striking a chord within me. "You're right. May has been nothing but supportive, even when I've been distant and closed off. She deserves better than that."
Robert smiled encouragingly. "You are pretty lucky that your biggest concern right now is that two young beautiful women are pursuing you sexually. I know I would say yes to either of them in a heart beat." He says jokingly to lighten the mood.
I chuckle softly, appreciating his attempt to lift my spirits. "Yeah, lucky me, huh?" I reply, taking another sip of my whiskey. "So, what do you think I should do, Robert? About May, about Liz?" I ask, seeking his advice once more. Robert considers my question carefully before responding. "Well, Thomas, I think you need to have an open and honest conversation with both May and Liz. Lay it all out on the table, tell them how you're feeling, what you're struggling with.
Be honest about your fears, your doubts, your desires. Let them know that you care about them both deeply, but that you're still figuring things out.
And most importantly, Thomas, listen to them. Really listen. They have their own thoughts, their own feelings, their own desires. They deserve to be heard, to have their voices acknowledged.
As for which one to choose, if that's even a decision you need to make right now, well, that's up to you. Maybe you'll find that you can't choose, that you need to explore both relationships, see where they lead you.
Maybe you'll find that neither of them is what you truly want or need. Or maybe, just maybe, you'll find that love, in all its messy, complicated glory, has a way of surprising us, of leading us down paths we never imagined we'd tread.
But whatever you do, Thomas, promise me one thing. Promise me that you'll be honest with yourself, with May, with Liz. Promise me that you won't let fear or guilt or grief dictate your decisions. Promise me that you'll give yourself the chance to heal, to grow, to love again.
Because that's what Alice would have wanted for you, Thomas. She would have wanted you to be happy, to find joy in life, even when it seemed impossible.
And in my heart, I believe that she's still with you, cheering you on, wanting you to find happiness and love again.
I reached for my glass of whiskey and took a deep drink, the amber liquid burning pleasantly as it warmed my throat and chest. The alcohol helped to quiet the storm of thoughts and emotions in my mind, allowing me to focus on Robert's words.
"I didn't know what you would say today, but it certainly wasn't this." I admitted, shaking my head slightly. "I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else, someone who knew Alice as well as you did. It helps to know that she would want me to move on, to find happiness again."
Robert smiled gently, "She was one of the kindest people I've ever known, Thomas. Of course, she would want that for you. And May, she's so much like her mother in that regard. She only wants what's best for you, even if it means sharing you with someone else."
I took another sip of my whiskey, considering Robert's words.
"So, you're saying I should just...talk to them? Lay it all out on the table?" I asked, still uncertain about the best course of action.
Robert nodded. "Exactly. Communication is key here, Thomas. You can't expect them to read your mind or understand what you're going through unless you tell them. And who knows? They might have some insights or perspectives that you hadn't considered." "I guess you're right. I don't want to hurt them, or push them away.
But I also don't want to lead them on if I'm not sure about my feelings. I need to be honest with them, and with myself."
Robert raised an eyebrow. "And what about your feelings, Thomas? Have you given any thought to what you want?"
I sighed, leaning back in my chair. I honestly don't. Part of me is drawn to May, to the familiarity and comfort she offers. She's a piece of Alice, a reminder of the life we had together. "I think I want to try, Is this a mistake?" I ask Robert, looking for reassurance.
Robert smiles warmly, "Only you can answer that, Thomas. But remember, it's okay to make mistakes, to learn and grow from them. That's how we become better versions of ourselves."
I nod, taking a deep breath. "Okay, I'll talk to them. Both of them. I'll lay it all out, be honest about where I'm at, and see where that leads us."
Robert claps me on the back, "That's the spirit! Just remember, communication is key. Listen to them, really listen.
They deserve to be heard, to have their voices acknowledged."
I nodded, taking a deep breath. "Alright, I'll do that. I'll talk to them both, soon. I just need to figure out what exactly I'm going to say."
Robert finished his drink and set the glass down with a soft thud. "Well, Thomas, I suggest you start by being honest with yourself. Figure out what you truly want, what you're afraid of, and what you're willing to risk.
Then, once you have that clarity, share it with May and Liz. Let them know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and what you hope for from your relationships with them.
It won't be easy, Thomas. I can guarantee that there will be awkward moments, uncomfortable conversations, and even some heartbreak along the way. But if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that growth always comes from challenging ourselves, from pushing past our comfort zones and into the unknown.
So take a deep breath, trust yourself, and take that first step.
You deserve to find happiness again, Thomas. Alice would want that for you."
I thanked Robert for his wisdom and guidance, finishing my drink before we parted ways. As I drove home, his words echoed in my mind, a beacon guiding me through the storm of my thoughts and emotions. I knew he was right; I needed to be honest with myself, with May, and with Liz. I owed it to all of us to lay my cards on the table and see where the chips fell.