Chapter 8: Chapter 5
I wish you hadn’t seen that Mistress, although I suppose I knew it would’ve been a miracle for you not to when you were checking my word count. It does make my decision whether to leave it in or delete it a lot more difficult.
But actually, does it? Thinking about it now, I had pretty much made the decision to leave it in before you read it, so really the only decision for me now is if the harsh punishment you’ve just given me during your visit will cause me to change my mind.
And I know the answer to that before I even think about it, of course it won’t. Harsh punishments are a key part of who we are. You enjoy giving them, and I enjoy receiving them. It’s our dynamic, our way of life. Why on earth would I wish to change that? So to stop me churning this over in my mind I’m making this decision right now. Here goes…
Dear Mistress
I beg of you to please turn me into your permanently bound slave, Mistress. Weld unremovable cuffs to my wrists and ankles and a collar around my neck and fully control every single aspect of my life.
I want to be nothing more than your property, your possession. I want to be left alone in bondage between the periods where you deem that you wish to use me. I wish to be your permanently bound object, existing purely for your use, pleasure and entertainment for the rest of my life.
Your humble slave and husband, Craig.
There…. I’ve said it and am not going to delete anything. This is what I truly want.
I am aware this is a monumental decision, not just for me, but for you too. If this is not a responsibility that you wish to take on I will, of course, accept this and we can carry on as we were before my request. But I know only too well the look I saw in your eyes as you left, Mistress. I am pretty certain you will want this too, and that very soon my life is going to be transformed.
Now that my decision is made it’s like a weight has been lifted from me. I’m excited and can’t wait to hear your decision as to whether you will grant my wish.
I do trust you wholeheartedly, Mistress, despite what I said earlier. I know and trust that you will give me sufficient movement in my permanent bondage, and the necessary exercise to keep my body fully functional, so that is no longer a concern to me.
The bit I haven’t really got my head around is whether I will actually be able to deal with the knowledge that I will never have my freedom back in my mind. It’s going to mean huge periods of mind numbing boredom. How long will it take for me to go completely insane? Will the endless hours of solitude drive me over the edge?
These are questions I can't answer right now, and I'm not sure I want to even think about them too much. The timer is ticking down, each second bringing me closer to the inevitable, and I need to get my task completed.
I feel the answers to how my mind will deal with this will only become apparent to me after experiencing it for several months. If you do decide to grant my wish I respectfully request that you do the following, Mistress.
On the one year anniversary of me being fitted with my permanent restraints, I will have my one and only opportunity of freedom. You will inform me a few days before the anniversary that it is approaching, so I have the opportunity to have my answer ready. On the day of the anniversary, the review meeting itself will be incredibly short; I’m going to suggest a maximum of one minute as I don’t want it turning into a discussion. I don’t want to have the opportunity to suggest ways my permanent bondage may be changed as this is purely your decision. I just want two options.
So you will start the review by asking me one question which will be ‘Do you wish to continue in permanent bondage for the rest of your life?’ My response to this question will be limited to two words, Yes or No, nothing in between.
If I say no, then is the time to discuss it. You will remove my chains but for the moment leave my permanent manacles. Over the following few days we will discuss how our future will be before we try to get the permanent restraints removed. It may be we will choose to leave them on, but just give me some additional freedom, at this stage I have no idea, we’ll just need to make that decision if I do say no.
If I say yes, the review will end immediately and I will have no other opportunity to request my freedom… ever. If I do request or beg for freedom at any time other than in this one review meeting it will be denied and I will face punishment for my request. That includes the year leading up to the review.
I want this to be clear and absolute. Part of the attraction of what I am suggesting is knowing that no matter how hard I beg to be freed, this will be ignored. It will force me to accept my position and remove any hope that I can persuade you to let me free. And I am sure I will beg for this until it completely sinks in that I am waisting your and my time by doing so. Can you do this for me Mistress?
I am fully aware this will be a significant burden for you to take on, Mistress. You will be responsible for my well-being and my very existence. I trust you implicitly to make the best decisions for both of us, even if that means making difficult choices that I may not like or understand at the time.
I glance at the timer. Only sixty five minutes remain and I still have another 500 words to complete my task! I may just make it if I concentrate on my typing with no distractions but it will leave me no time at all to edit or do corrections. But I am determined to send it before my allocated time expires, so I guess I will just have to take the consequences for the inevitable mistakes it will contain.
More than anything else, I just want you to read what I have written and although I’m desperate to be let free from this chair, the thought of any punishment for the errors in it is actually exciting me even more.
So to try and finish it I am going to use my remaining words to attempt to encapsulate the depth of my feelings and the gravity of what I am asking of you. I need to explain why I have requested this and what it means to me, even though I am sure you know these sentiments already, I still feel the need to put them into words.
I have always been drawn to the idea of having any control taken from me completely, surrendering my will to another. I can't remember a time when I didn't have these desires, they have always been a part of who I am. But it was only when I met you that I realized the true extent of what this could mean, and the depths to which I was willing to go to fulfill them.
The first time you bound me, the first time you took control, it was like a revelation and I knew I had found my soulmate. I knew I was utterly, completely yours and wanted this to continue for the rest of my life. Each time you push my limits, each time you make me suffer, it's like a sacrament, a ritual that binds us closer together. Since then, we’ve learned so much about each other and as I said earlier, the more we have acted out our fantasies together, the more extreme these have become.
I know this is not the life most people would want, and I understand why. Freedom is a precious thing, and to give it up willingly is a choice that most can’t even start to comprehend. But for me, it’s the ultimate expression of trust, of devotion, of love.
I want to be bound to you, not just by our love and our marriage, but by physical restraints too, manacles and chains that we both know will never be removed. My restraints will be like a wedding ring on steroids, a constant reminder to us both of the commitment we have made. I want to be yours in every way imaginable, and in ways neither of us have even thought of yet.
You have a great imagination and I am absolutely sure that if you accept this challenge, you will find additional ways to torment me in my permanent bondage and maybe even add to this with additional restraints that you dream up.
I also know that as part of this you will have other sexual partners, as part of your dominatrix services of course, but also you may choose to have relationships with others too. I want you to know that I’m absolutely fine with this, in fact if I’m honest it’s yet another aspect that excites me. The thought of you being with another man or woman while I am helplessly bound, adds an extra dimension to my arousal and submission.
Up to this point, I’ve never really considered myself a Cuckold. You have always been fully honest with me about what you do to your slaves when you act as their dominatrix, but until yesterday you haven’t allowed me to witness this. The four times I have now watched you, three on the TV and one in the flesh, have turned me on more than I could ever have imagined.
I am sure a big part of this is the knowledge that I am completely helpless to intervene, I'm forced to watch as you use them ruthlessly. I would like that to continue when I am in permanent bondage, Mistress, in fact, increase if you choose to allow this. I want to be made to watch as you cause others pain, or as you are fucked or brought to orgasm purely for your own pleasure. In short, I want to be your cuckold slave.
I do not however, wish to be granted the same privilege of having other sexual partners unless of course it is your wish that this happens. If you choose that I should, for example, fuck someone else purely for your amusement this will be your decision alone. I don’t need or want the freedom to choose and it’s another part of my control which I want you to take from me.
The timer now shows I have three minutes, my word count shows that I have completed my task, in fact I’ve actually gone a few hundred words over. I have absolutely no time to even attempt to edit. So before I press send, I will write just one more sentence.
I love you with all my heart, Mistress, I can't wait to see what the future holds for us, so I beg you not to keep me waiting too long to hear how my life will be from this point on.