Chapter 1: Exposition
I nervously twisted the New York Mets cap in between his fingers. The brim was wrinkled nearly beyond repair. He stood in the doorway of the basement bedroom, watching Lilly apply lip gloss, her reflection in the cracked mirror not quite aligning with the real thing.
"Hey, cuz," she warmly said, noticing him in the mirror. She turned, her brown hair cascading over her shoulders. "What's up?"
I hesitated, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Can we... talk?" Lilly and Colby had always been close and were used to confiding in each other.
Lilly raised an eyebrow, then gestured to the bed. "Sure. Have a seat."
Colby perched on the edge of the mattress, feeling the springs creak beneath him.
He glanced around the room, his eyes landing on an old photograph of them as kids, grinning at the beach with ice cream cones melted down their hands. Lilly followed his gaze.
"Remember that summer?" she asked, smiling. "We spent every day at the shore."
He nodded, then took a deep breath. "Lil, I... I need some advice."
She turned to face him, her expression softening. "Of course. What's going on?"
Colby hesitated, then blurted out, "It's Erin. We've been together for a while now, and she wants to start having sex." I felt my cheeks flush at the admission, my eyes darting away from Lilly's gaze.
I saw a slow smile spread across her face. "Well, it's about time, Colby," she teased, punching his arm lightly. "I know you have been wanting get rid of your V card," she then giggled. Lilly was well aware Colby was still a virgin.
"Yeah, I have. And I am excited but I'm still kinda freaking out about it." I finally looked back at Lilly, her expression now serious. She took my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"Hey, it's okay to be nervous," she said softly. "But you know what? You've got nothing to worry about. You're a great guy, Colby. Kind, smart, good-looking. Any girl would be lucky to have you. And if Erin can't see that then fuck her...well metaphorically in this case," she giggled again.
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Thanks, Lil. But you're my cousin. You have to say that."
She playfully punched my arm again. "No, I don't. And I wouldn't if it wasn't true. Now, come on," she said, leaning back against the wall. "Tell me what's really bugging you about all this."
I sighed, running a hand through my hair again. "I don't know, Lil. I guess I just... I want it to be perfect for Erin. I want her to... you know, enjoy it."
Lilly laughed, a sound that filled the small room. "Oh, Colby. Enjoyment isn't something you can plan for. It just happens.
Like, one minute you're all awkward and fumbling, and the next, you're... not. Trust me, I've had enough practice to know," she said, winking at me.
I felt my face grow hot again, but this time, it wasn't just from embarrassment. Lilly wasn't exactly subtle about her... experiences. I cleared my throat, trying to steer the conversation back on track.
"You make it sound so easy," I muttered.
"Well I do have a lot of practice," Lilly laughed at herself. "It is easy, once you get out of your own head. Look, Colby, sex isn't a big deal. You don't even have to like the person who you are fucking. It's just a physical act, a release," Lilly said, shrugging nonchalantly.
I frowned, not liking where this conversation was heading. "It's not just physical for me, Lil. I care about Erin. I want it to mean something to her, to us."
Lilly sighed, her expression softening. "I know you do, Colby. And it will. I get that you are nervous since you have never done this before.."
I nodded, considering her words. Lilly reached out, placing a hand on my knee. I then saw something shift in her - like a light bulb went off in my head.
"Look, I have an idea," she said, her eyes all of sudden filled with mischief. "Why don't you practice some stuff with me?"
I stared at her, certain I had misheard. "What?"
"You know, to get the nerves out of the way. I mean, I am your cousin, and I know you better than anyone. I can help you feel more comfortable, more confident," she clarified, grinning.
I shifted uncomfortably on the bed, my mouth suddenly dry. "I can't just...sleep with you?" I managed to stammer out, my eyes wide with disbelief.
Lilly just laughed, completely unfazed by my reaction. "Oh, Colby, don't be so dramatic," she said, rolling her eyes. "I didn't mean we should have full-on sex. Just... some basics. You know, kissing, touching, that sort of thing. Nothing too crazy. Like have you ever taken off a bra before?"
I continued to stare at her, my mind racing. This was Lilly, my cousin, my best friend. The girl who had taught me how to ride a bike, who had comforted me after my first heartbreak.
She was suggesting we... practice on each other? I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts that were suddenly racing through my mind. "No I haven't but.. I mean, you're my cousin," I stammered, my eyes wide.
Lilly just shrugged, her smile never wavering. "So? It's not like we're related by blood. Besides, it's not like we're going to fall in love or anything. It's just... practice. Like rehearsing for a play."
I looked at her, trying to process what she was saying.
"But... what if someone finds out? What if... my parents find out?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Lilly waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, please. Firstly, they're not even home. And secondly, I won't tell if you won't."
I bit my lip, still not entirely convinced. "It just feels... wrong."
She rolled her eyes, but her voice was gentle when she spoke. "Colby, it's no big deal. Really. It's just a bit of fun, a way to help you get comfortable with a women's body, with the idea of being intimate with someone. It doesn't have to be some huge, life-altering event."
Lilly's smile was playful,. "Besides, who better to help you than your own cousin? No judgments here." She then suddenly reached for the hem of her sweater, pulling it up and over her head in one smooth motion.
I swallowed hard, my eyes widening as she revealed a tight tank top and a push-up bra underneath. I quickly averted my gaze, my cheeks flushing with heat. "Lil, what are you doing?"
She laughed, a sound that filled the small room. "Relax, Colby. I'm just trying to make a point. You're going to have to get used to seeing a woman's body if you're going to have sex."
She gestured to herself. "This is what you're going to see when you're with Erin," she then paused to laugh. "Well not exactly, my boobs are a lot bigger than hers, right?" Lilly said, looking down at her chest, then back up at me with a grin.
I take a quick glance down at my cousin's chest before looking back in Lilly's eyes. "Your boobs are definitely bigger than Erin's," I awkwardly answered, making me blush even harder.
"But hey, that's a good thing, right? More to grab onto," she teased, winking at me.
My mind was spinning, trying to process everything that was happening. I looked back at Lilly, her expression calm and collected, as if she hadn't implied I was going to grab her boobs.
"Look, Colby," she said, her voice steady and reassuring. "I know this might seem weird, but it's really not a big deal. We're both adults, and I am here to help you. There's no pressure, no expectations. We can stop at any time, okay?"
I nodded, still feeling uncertain but appreciative of her reassurance. Lilly reached out, taking my hand in hers.
Her touch was warm, reassuring. "Just think of it as a... crash course in sex," she said, smiling. "You know, like a trial run before the real thing."
I took a deep breath, her words sinking in. It did make a weird kind of sense, in a twisted, cousinly sort of way. I trusted Lilly, and I knew she wouldn't put me in a situation that made me uncomfortable. Plus, she was right - it could help me feel more confident with Erin.
"Okay," I finally said, my voice steadier than I felt. "Let's...start slow," I suggested, my voice barely above a whisper.