Chapter 1: The First Couple of Weeks
Sunday, March 9th, Day Zero
2:00pm: The good doctor suggested I start this journal the day before I start any of the activity changes, although honestly I did try to meditate for twenty minutes today and made it about 45 seconds. I guess that's 45 more seconds of waking tranquility than I've had the last decade. She suggested the journal so I could see if the things she is suggesting truly have no affect as most patients of hers assume. Says there is usually a clue in their own writings about what's really working, or what's causing things. I think it's possible. I think I'm at the point in my life where I can finally admit that something is off. I've been drifting, listless, like a ship lost at sea with no wind in its sails. Everything around me moves at a stable pace, but I'm stuck, treading water.
Dr. Parks doesn't know me well, but she seems to think she has a handle on it. In our first session, she looked at me with those warm, understanding eyes and said, "James, it's like you're driving a car without the keys in the ignition.
You're turning the wheel, but you're not going anywhere." I nodded, unable to argue. She's not wrong. I've been turning the wheel, trying to steer my life in one direction or another, but I'm just circling the same block, day in and day out. It's like I need a GPS that decides for me.
She wants me to start with small changes, says they add up over time. Wants me to find a gym, get a trainer, learn to meditate. She even suggested a nutritionist to help with my diet, because the fine employees down at McDonalds do not make those McDoubles with my health in mind. I've been eating like a teenager with no parental supervision for far too long.
My favorite meal is greasy, my favorite drink is cold and fizzy, and my favorite dessert is anything that can be eaten directly from the box. I know, I know, it's not healthy, but when you're feeling as unmotivated as I have been, it's hard to find the energy to care. Parks also wants me to find a hobby, something I enjoy doing that isn't just sitting in front of the TV with a bag of chips. She thinks it'll give me something to look forward to, a sense of accomplishment. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that information.
I'm a middle-aged man with a dad bod and a sedentary hobby of son
doom scrolling. Where am I supposed to find the energy or drive to make these changes? But I guess I'll give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen, right? I might drop a few pounds, find something I enjoy, and maybe, just maybe, feel a little less listless. My schedule of new things looked like this:
00:00:45 AM Meditation
00:45:00 Afternoon Journal
Monday, March 10th Day One
4:00am: Woke up earlier than usual. The gym opens at 5am, I decided not to sleep to my normal time, as it's my first day, and it would be a horrible start to "trying to change my ways" by fuggin off the first try. Feeling a mix of trepidation and hope, I do wonder though, how did I get lucky enough to find a trainer/nutritionist who would work with a construction workers schedule. Pretty sure it's the 80 hour a week checks I get during the height of a build. The ones that when paired with my status as part of a DINK, keeps me fed in junk food and surrounded by toys, and my Fiat. lol. Sometimes I think I'm even perplexing myself.
5:00am- got to gym and met Roxy, she's pretty cool. Spent an hour doing basic stuff, because I'm lame and about 30 minutes discussing my diet. At the end of meeting she guided me to a protein shake supplement at a manufacturers website and gave me a coffee to put in for a discount and delivery before I got home since the company was local. She gave me a shake packet and a mixer bottle thing that had her personal trainer business logo on it. She told me that's my lunch today as well as my dinner, since I ate a real meal for breakfast. I informed her I didn't and she quickly reached in her bag and grabbed a couple of small packets that ended up being done kind of special peanut butter, which she suggested I pick up from that website with the same code. I jumped in the shower first, dashed out to my car sucking down and ordering this delicious peanut butter and made it to work.
7:30-4pm: It was a good day at work. Had a bit more pep to my step. Maybe working out is showing some benefit. When I got home, oh wait...
4:30pm until bedtime(I'm guessing) : When I got home, I almost missed the package. It was a brown paper bag, tied with a red string, sitting on my doorstep like a little present. I picked it up, opened it, and found a bottle of wine, a note, and a small bag of what looked like granola. The note read:
*Welcome to the team, James. Enjoy the wine, it's a reward for your first day. Tomorrow, we'll talk about your diet. - Roxy*
I chuckled, shook my head, and poured myself a glass of wine. I sat down at my kitchen counter, opened the granola, and took a bite.
It was sweet and nutty, unlike anything I'd ever had before. I found myself checking the bag for a label, but there wasn't one. It was homemade, which made it taste even better. It was an odd surprise to get with my shake for dinner and caffeinated pb stuff. I'm guessing she owns the supplement company. I'll ask her when I see her Wednesday morning. For now I'm going on a walk. I'll log my times in the morning.
-Man, I wish I did this last night. I gotta stop procrastinating and put what I ate in here too.
01:00:00 - Light cardio/ stretching @ the gym
00:45:00 - Walk. I should ask the wife to come with.
Food: 2 pb pks, Lun-Shake, PM Snk-½ box granola(oops), Wine(good but weird a fitnesstritionist gave it to me) Din-Shake(strawberry?), Pmpm Snk-4 pb pks.
**Tuesday, March 11th, Day Two**
*5:00 am*: Woke up feeling surprisingly well-rested. The wine last night was a nice treat, and the granola was delicious. I've never been one for healthy snacks, but this was a game-changer. I woke up thinking about that granola. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. We'll see how my body reacts.
*6:00 am*: Breakfast was a protein-packed omelet, according to Roxy's meal plan. I must admit, it was filling. I can't remember the last time I ate something so... substantial.
*7:00 am*: Meditation was a struggle today. My mind wandered like a toddler in a toy store. I started thinking about work, about the granola, about Roxy. I'll have to try harder tomorrow.
I guess that's the thing with meditation, it's not something you can just pick up and be good at. It's a practice, something you have to work at. I'll try to focus on my breath, maybe even set a timer to help keep me on track.
*7:30 am*: Off to work. I felt good, energized even. The omelet must have done the trick. I was actually looking forward to the day ahead. I've always liked my job, but lately, it's been more of a chore than a pleasure. Today, it felt different. I was even whistling as I walked to my car.
I swear, there's something to be said for a good night's sleep and a decent meal. Maybe Dr. Parks is onto something.
**8:00 am:** Arrived at the jobsite. Mr. Johnson, my boss, was already there, barking orders like a drill sergeant. He's always been intense, but today, he seemed more so. I chalked it up to the usual morning grind and went about my business.
**12:00 pm:** Lunchtime. I pulled out my Tupperware container filled with a grilled chicken salad that Roxy had prepared for me.
She'd packed it with all sorts of greens, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, and a dressing that tasted like it was made from real lemons. I felt like I was eating a meal from a fancy restaurant, not a lunch I'd brought from home.
A few of the guys from the crew were giving me sideways glances, probably wondering why I wasn't joining them in their usual burger and fries ritual. I shrugged it off and focused on my food. It was delicious, and I felt good about the choice I was making.
**12:30 pm:** As I was finishing up my salad, Mr. Johnson approached me.