Chapter 7: Wingwoman From Hell
The walk to the lecture hall was a special kind of torture. Theo moved with the stiff-legged gait of a man who’d been ridden hard and put away wet—which, in a very literal sense, he had. Every shift of his cargo pants felt like sandpaper. Lily, in her goth-girl disguise, strolled beside him with infuriating vitality, her combat boots clacking on the linoleum.
“Keep up, Plimpton. Your existential crisis is cute, but we’ve got places to be, tits to see.”
“Please don’t say things like that out loud,” Theo whispered, his eyes darting to a passing group of sorority girls.
Lily just smirked and took a long, deliberate lick up the side of his face from jaw to temple. The saliva was cold in the drafty hallway. “Mine. Now march.”
The anatomy lecture hall was a tiered cavern smelling of disinfectant and dread. Theo shuffled to his usual seat near the middle, his heart already doing a frantic tap-dance against his ribs. Giana was already there, a serene island in the sea of pre-class chatter. As always, seeing her was a physical blow. Her hazel hair was piled in a messy bun, pencils stuck through it. She wore a simple, stretchy black tank top that strained heroically across a geography of breast so vast it seemed to defy architectural law. She was bent over her notebook, drawing what looked like a surprisingly detailed femur, and the resulting cleavage was a shadowy abyss that threatened to swallow Theo’s sanity whole.
He dropped into the seat next to her, his books clattering. “H-hey, Giana.”
She looked up, her blue eyes warm and slightly unfocused. “Theo! Hi! Did you review the osteology lab? I keep mixing up the carpals and tarsals. It’s like my brain just… farts.” She giggled, a sweet, airy sound.
Before Theo could stammer a reply, a new, silky voice slithered directly into his skull. It bypassed his ears entirely, vibrating in the marrow of his bones.
Oh. My. Fucking. Hell. Lily’s telepathic tone was one of rapturous awe. Theo. Theo, look at those. Look at them. They’re… they’re natural monuments. I could worship at that altar. I want to get lost between them and die a happy, suffocated demon.
Theo jerked in his seat, looking around wildly. He spotted Lily two rows back and off to the left. She was slouched low, her booted feet propped on the empty chair in front of her, staring at Giana’s profile with the intensity of a jeweler appraising a priceless diamond. She gave him a slow, deliberate wink.
Stop that! Theo thought back, unsure if it would work.
Stop what? Admiring God’s greatest mistake? Or yours, for not burying your face in them yet? Ask her about the lecture. Now. Be charming, you useless noodle.
“I, uh… I reviewed a bit,” Theo managed, forcing his eyes to Giana’s face. It was a Herculean effort. “The trapezium is in the hand. The talus is in the ankle. It’s… a memory thing.”
“A memory fart,” Giana nodded sagely, as if he’d said something profoundly wise. “That makes sense.” She shifted, leaning an elbow on the desk, and her breast pressed against his arm. Theo felt a bolt of pure, undiluted panic shoot from his bicep to his groin. The fabric of her tank top was thin. He could feel the heat.
She’s touching you. Don’t you dare faint. Inhale. Smell her. Sugar and vanilla lotion. Fuck, she’s delicious.
“So,” Giana said, twirling a pencil. “This is gonna sound weird, but is that your girlfriend?” She subtly tilted her head towards the back. “The scary-pretty goth girl who’s been staring at me like she wants to eat me? In a… not a bad way?”
Theo’s brain short-circuited. “Girlfriend? No! That’s just… Lily. She’s a… a family friend. Visiting. From overseas. Very overseas.”
Tell her I think her mammaries are a gift to this wretched plane and I’d kill to see them unsupported.
“She thinks your hair is nice,” Theo blurted.
Giana beamed. “Oh, cool! She seems intense. I like her energy. Has she ever considered, like, Wicca? Or demonology? Her aura is kinda spiky, but in a fun way.”
The professor droned to life at the podium, launching into a monotone lecture on synovial joints. Theo tried to take notes, but Lily’s running commentary was a constant, lewd distraction.
Her posture is atrocious. The lower back strain must be exquisite. I could offer her a massage. My hands are very… therapeutic. I’d start at the lumbar region and work my way up. Slowly.
Please stop.
Look at the way they move when she reaches for her highlighter. It’s a goddamn seismic event. I’m getting damp just watching. Ask her to study with you. Tonight.
What? No!
Do it, or I will telepathically broadcast the sound of me fingering myself right now, into your brain, until you do.
The threat was so bizarrely specific and horrifying that Theo actually yelped. Giana looked at him, concerned. “You okay?”
“Study session!” he hissed, too loud. Several students in front turned around. He shrank down. “I mean… would you… maybe want to study? For the midterm? Together? Sometime?”
Giana’s face lit up. “That would be awesome! I’m so lost. How about tonight? My roommate is gone for the weekend. We could order pizza?”
The world narrowed to the sound of his own pounding heart. She has a private dorm. Tonight. Lily’s psychic voice was a purr of triumph. You beautiful, lucky bastard. I’m coming too.
“S-sure,” Theo stammered. “Tonight’s great.”
“Cool! Text me.” She went back to her notes, humming softly.
For the next forty minutes, Theo floated in a daze. The professor’s words were meaningless noise. He was going to Giana’s room. Tonight. He was vaguely aware of a commotion behind him—a guy with a lacrosse jacket had slid into the empty seat next to Lily, smiling with practiced confidence. Theo saw Lily turn her head, listen for a moment to whatever line he was dispensing, and then smile back. It wasn’t her usual smirk. This was a wide, terrifying grin that showed too many teeth. Then, just for a fraction of a second, Theo saw it—a flash of elongated, needle-sharp canines where her human incisors should have been. The lacrosse player’s face went sheet-white. He mumbled something, grabbed his backpack, and practically fled up the stairs and out of the lecture hall. Lily caught Theo’s eye over her shoulder and gave a tiny, innocent shrug.
When class ended, Giana gathered her things, her movements causing mesmerizing shifts in her silhouette. “See you tonight, Theo! Around seven?” She smiled, and it was like the sun coming out.
“Seven,” he croaked.
She walked away, and Theo watched, stunned, until a cold hand slipped into his.
“Pizza and polysaccharides,” Lily murmured, her voice back in his ear, low and thrilled. “And a front-row seat to the eighth wonder of the world. I’m a very happy demon.” She leaned in, her tongue tracing the shell of his ear before she whispered, “Now let’s go back to your room. You need to rest up for tonight. And I need to taste you again. I’m feeling… celebratory.”