Chapter 12: First Time
Kyle shut the bedroom door behind them, leaning against it for a second like that would somehow block out the sound of Joaquin's enthusiastic whooping from the living room. It didn't. If anything, Joaquin got louder.
"Use protection!" Joaquin yelled through the door.
Kyle squeezed his eyes shut. "Ignore him."
Kyle let out a breath and pushed himself off the door. "He's not wrong, technically. But he could be less loud about it."
Roha stood in the middle of the room, looking around with that quiet, assessing gaze he had for everything. His eyes landed on the pile of clothes on Kyle's desk chair, the stack of sneakers by the closet, the galaxy projector on the nightstand. "Your room is different from the rest of the apartment."
"Different how?"
"Warmer. It smells like you."
Kyle's cheeks went pink. He wasn't ready for Roha to say things like that so plainly. "Uh, thanks. I think?"
He crossed to the bed and sat down, patting the spot next to him. Roha sat down too, close enough that their knees almost touched. Almost. Kyle waited a second, then two, watching Roha's profile in the soft light. Roha didn't move closer. He just sat there, hands resting on his thighs, looking at Kyle like he was waiting for something.
Okay. Fine. Kyle would have to be the one to do this.
"So," he said, aiming for casual and landing somewhere around nervous, "about the kiss."
Roha turned to face him fully, those grey eyes catching the moonlight. "The kiss."
Roha's smile came slow, like it had to travel a long distance to reach his mouth. "Nobody's ever kissed me before," he said simply.
Kyle blinked. There it was again. That quiet confession, dropped like it was nothing. Nobody had ever kissed him. In however many years Roha had been alive on this earth, nobody had kissed him.
Kyle's heart did something painful in his chest. He didn't know how someone that good-looking could go through life without being kissed. It didn't make sense. There was a whole history behind that statement, a whole story he couldn't see, and he wanted to ask. He wanted to dig in, to understand. But he could feel the weight in the room, the fragile thing balancing between them, and he knew if he pushed too hard, it would break.
So he let it go. He tucked the mystery away for another night.
"Okay," he said softly. "So I guess I get to be the first one, then. That's kind of cool."
Roha's smile deepened, and Kyle realized he meant it. That was another new thing. Roha kept looking at him like Kyle was the surprising one, when the truth was flipped the other way around.
Kyle shifted on the bed, pulling one knee up. The moonlight cut across the room, catching the gold band on Roha's wrist. He looked down at his own hands, suddenly self-conscious.
"I should probably tell you something too," Kyle said. "About me. I do this a lot. I mean, I do this sometimes. But it's not, like, a regular thing."
Roha waited, patient, unmoving.
"The guys I usually bring home, they just want a one-time thing." Kyle picked at a loose thread on his jeans. "We hook up, they leave, I never hear from them again. And I'm cool with that. That's the deal. That's the whole transaction."
He let out a breath. "I'm not saying that to make you feel bad for me. I'm saying it because this feels different already, and I don't exactly know what to do with that."
Roha's expression shifted. Something moved behind his eyes, a flicker of feeling he wasn't translating fast enough. "You're telling me people spend time with you and then just... leave?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"That's strange," Roha said. "I like being around you. I don't understand why anyone would walk away from that."
Kyle's stomach flip-flopped. He didn't have a response to that, because no one had ever said something like that to him. So he did the only thing he could think of. He asked the question he'd been rolling around since the taco stand.
"What do you want?"
It came out quieter than he meant. Roha looked at him, and Kyle saw the surprise there, like no one had ever put that question to him before. Like he'd spent his whole life being told what to do and where to go and how to feel.
"I want to be kissed again," Roha said. The words came out slow, careful, like he was tasting them. "I want it to be you."
Kyle giggled. It was a stupid, nervous, happy sound that escaped before he could catch it. He leaned in and kissed him, not quick this time. Soft, open, his hand coming up to cup Roha's jaw. The space between them closed, and Roha's hands found his waist, hesitant at first, then firmer.
They fell back onto the bed in a tangle of limbs and warm breath, and Kyle's brain went quiet for once. Roha's hands moved over his back, tracing the shape of his shoulders like he was memorizing him. Every touch was deliberate, gentle, nothing like the frantic fumbling Kyle was used to. There was no rush here. No timer ticking down to the moment when the whole thing would end.
Kyle made a small sound against Roha's mouth, and it surprised him. This was so different from his other hookups. Roha kissed like he had all the time in the world, like he wanted to be here, like Kyle was worth paying attention to. It made Kyle want him more, want to give him something real instead of the casual thing he gave everyone else.
He pulled back just enough to catch his breath, faces inches apart. His heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in his ears.
"So you've really," he panted, "never done any of this before?"
Roha shook his head, hair falling across his face. His chest was rising and falling under Kyle's palm, and there was a flush on his dark skin that Kyle had never seen before.
"Okay." Kyle's voice came out warm, careful. He traced his thumb along Roha's jawline, thinking. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to. We can stop right here, take it slow, do whatever feels right."
Roha was quiet for a moment, his eyes searchlight-steady on Kyle's face. Then he reached up, laced his fingers through Kyle's, and said it like it was the easiest thing in the world. "I want to do what you want."
Kyle stared at him. That was a gift. That was the whole thing, held out in trust, with no strings. And Kyle realized he didn't want to waste it on a one-time thing. He wanted to take his time.
Kyle's breath caught. He looked at Roha's hand in his, at the trust sitting there, open and unguarded. And he realized he wanted to give something back.
Slowly, he reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. The fabric slid off, and the moonlight hit his skin, catching the gold of his nipple rings, the lines of his torso. He dropped the shirt on the floor and took Roha's hands in his own.
"Here," Kyle said, voice soft. "Let me show you."
He guided Roha's palms to his chest, pressing them flat against the warm skin over his heart. Roha's breath hitched. His hands were still, then they moved on their own, fingers spreading, tracing the curve of Kyle's shoulders down to his arms.
"You're warm," Roha murmured.
"Kind of the point."
Kyle guided Roha's hands lower, to his waist, then back up along his ribs. Each touch made him shiver. Roha was learning him, mapping him, and there was something reverent about it. Kyle let go of his wrists and let him explore.
"Is this okay?" Roha asked, thumbs brushing over Kyle's hip bones.
"Yeah. That's. Yeah." Kyle's voice came out rough. "I like that."
Roha's eyes lifted to his, dark and intent. "Where else?"
Kyle swallowed. He took Roha's hand again and pressed it to the side of his neck, where his pulse jumped like a caged bird. Roha felt it, and something softened in his face.
"You're nervous," Roha said. Not a question.
"A little."
"Should we stop?"
"No." Kyle said it too fast. He laughed at himself, breathless. "No, I just... this is different and it's throwing me off. In a good way."
Roha leaned in and kissed him, slow and deliberate. His hand stayed on Kyle's neck, thumb tracing the line of his jaw. Kyle melted into it, letting Roha set the pace, letting himself be held for once.
Roha pulled back just enough to speak against his lips. "I want to know what you like."
Kyle's whole body flushed. He took Roha's hand again, guided it down to his chest, over one nipple ring. Roha's thumb brushed across it, curious, and Kyle made a sound he couldn't have stopped if he'd tried.
"There," he breathed. "Right there."
Roha learned him. He touched with the same careful attention he brought to everything, cataloging Kyle's reactions like they were vital information. Kyle let himself be read, let himself be known, and it was terrifying and wonderful all at once.
They sank back onto the bed, Roha's weight warm above him, kissing like they had nowhere else to be. Kyle's hands found Roha's shirt, hesitant at the hem.
"Can I?" he asked.
Roha nodded. Kyle pulled the shirt up, and Roha lifted his arms to let him. The fabric came away, and Kyle's breath left him at the sight of Roha's chest, dark skin and dense muscle, the heavy gold band on his wrist catching the moonlight.
"God," Kyle whispered.
Roha waited, still and patient, while Kyle just looked at him. Then Kyle reached out, placed his palm flat over Roha's heart, and smiled.
"You're beautiful," Kyle said. "I just want you to know that. Before we do anything else."
Roha's hand came up to cover Kyle's where it rested on his chest. His voice was thick when he spoke. "I don't know what to say."
"Say you'll stay." Kyle's pulse hammered. He hadn't meant to say that, hadn't meant to give the words that weight. But they were out now, hanging between them in the quiet moonlight. "I mean. Not forever. Just. For tonight."
The words hung there, and Kyle saw it. A flicker, quick as a camera flash. Roha's face didn't crumple or fall. It just dimmed, a fraction of light going out behind his eyes.
"Only tonight?" Roha's voice was quiet.
Kyle's heart lurched. "That's not... I mean..." He scrambled, words tangling. "Just be here when I wake up tomorrow?"
The dimness lifted. Roha's smile came back, slow and real, and it reached all the way to his eyes. "I will."