Chapter 5: Escalation
Matthew hurried to the Embassy the morning after his night with Yakov, knowing he needed to talk to Carrie and Saul about what he learned. He wasn't surprised to find Carrie waiting for him when he arrived at his office.
"Matthew.....all I have to say is wow. That was a really incredible report you sent last night," she said with a smile.
"Saul and I have been going over it, and it's huge.
This could really turn the tide in Ukraine's favor."
Matthew nodded, trying to focus on the task at hand despite the lingering thoughts of Yakov. "I'm glad it was helpful. Yakov's been really cooperative, but we need to be careful. He's taking a huge risk by giving us this information."
Carrie's expression turned serious. "I know. That's why we need to make sure we have a solid plan in place to extract him if things go south.
We need to have backup ready to go at a moment's notice."
Matthew nodded in agreement. "I've been thinking about that. We should have a safe house ready to go in a country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with Russia. Somewhere he can disappear and start a new life."
Carrie raised her eyebrows. "That's going to be tough to pull off. We're talking about a high-ranking diplomat here. He's not going to be able to just blend in."
Matthew shrugged. "I know, but we have to try. He deserves a chance at a normal life.
We owe it to him for the intel he’s providing.”
Carrie sighed, running a hand through her perfectly coiffed blonde hair. “You’re right, of course. I just don’t want us to get ahead of ourselves. Let’s focus on obtaining the intel first, and then we can work on extraction.”
Matthew nodded, understanding her concern. “Agreed. We need to make sure we get this right. Any news from Langley?”
Carrie’s expression turned grim. “They’re pushing for more. They want you to push Yakov for more intel, dig deeper.
They want to know who’s behind the strikes, what their endgame is."
Matthew swallowed hard, anxiety churning in his stomach. He knew pushing Yakov too hard too quickly could blow their cover and put the Russian in serious danger. "I understand their position, but we need to be careful. One wrong move and Yakov could be exposed. He could lose his life or worse, be sent back to Russia."
Carrie nodded, leaning back in her chair and crossing her legs. "I know, which is why I want you to play it safe. Keep building your relationship with him, but don't rush things.
We need to be patient, let him come to us," Carrie advised.
Matthew nodded in agreement, knowing that pushing too hard too fast could be disastrous for both his mission and for Yakov.
Matthew's phone rang. It was Saul's assistant. He knew he would probably be meeting with the big boss today.
Matthew braced himself for the call, knowing that Saul would have heard about the developments in Ukraine and would have his own opinions.
"Matthew, can you come to my office, please?" Saul’s voice was stern and impatient over the speakerphone.
Matthew glanced at Carrie, who nodded reassuringly. He took a deep breath and stood up, making his way to Saul’s office.
As he walked, he could feel the weight of Saul’s disapproval hanging in the air. The older man had never been a fan of Matthew’s risk-taking tendencies, and this latest development was sure to set him off.
Matthew knocked on the door and waited for Saul's gruff "Come in."
Saul was sitting behind his desk, his fingers steepled in front of him as he studied Matthew with those sharp, calculating eyes. "Sit down, Matthew," he barked, gesturing to the chair across from him.
Matthew complied, taking a seat and trying to remain calm and collected despite the storm he knew was brewing. "You wanted to see me, sir?" he said, keeping his voice even.
Saul didn't waste any time. "You provided some really key intelligence last night. Langley is impressed," he said flatly.
Matthew nodded. "Thank you. I passed it along as soon as I could," he said.
Saul cleared his throat. "At 12:30 a.m.?" he asked pointedly.
Matthew shifted in his seat. "He....had a lot that he wanted to talk about. He's complicated.. It's been difficult getting him to open up."
Saul scowled again. "It certainly did take a while. You were at the safe house with him for nearly three hours according to the surveillance reports I pulled up."
Of course. Matthew knew he was being watched by his own people, and he should have expected extra scrutiny from Saul.
But the older man's line of questioning felt more personal than professional, more like a judgement than a debriefing.
"Saul, are you saying that you don't trust me to handle this correctly?" Matthew asked, his voice tight with frustration.
Saul leaned forward in his chair, his eyes boring into Matthew's. "You've gotten yourself in trouble for getting too personal with assets in the past. There's a veritable witness protection program's worth of assets you've had extracted to Switzerland or Thailand or God knows where. I don't know what you were doing in there with him, but I hope you're not leading us into another one of those situations," he said pointedly.
Matthew felt a flash of anger, but he tamped it down, knowing that losing his temper would only make things worse. "I'm handling this by the book, Saul. You have my word," he said, trying to keep the edge out of his voice.
Saul studied him for a moment longer before sitting back in his chair. "Just make sure it stays that way," he said. "We can't afford to have this operation go sideways, especially not with the geopolitical landscape the way it is right now."
Matthew nodded, knowing that Saul was right. "I understand.
I'll be careful," Matthew said, standing up to leave. "I'll keep you updated on our next meeting."
Saul nodded, dismissing him with a wave of his hand. "Make sure you do. Keep your personal life out of this, Matthew. We can't afford any distractions."
Matthew left the office, his mind racing. He knew Saul was right, but he also knew that Yakov was more than just an asset to him. He was someone Matthew was genuinely concerned about, someone he was growing to care for.
As he walked back to his office, he saw Josh waiting for him by his door.
Josh's face was a mix of concern and irritation.
"Hey, what's up?" Matthew asked, trying to sound casual.
Josh stepped aside and let Matthew into his office. "We need to talk," he said, his voice low.
Matthew nodded and closed the door behind him. He knew that tone, knew that it meant Josh was worried about him.
"What is it?" he asked, sitting down at his desk and gesturing for Josh to take a seat.
Josh hesitated before sitting down, his eyes searching Matthew's face. "I was reading reports from the safe house sweep this morning to make sure it was still secure. Our operative found a used condom in the bathroom trash. Please tell me that was I think happened didn't actually happen," he said.
Matthew couldn't believe his stupidity. Leaving the condom in the safe house was a reckless oversight.
Matthew was usually so meticulous, but his emotions had clearly clouded his judgement. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"Shit, Josh. I'm really sorry about that. It was stupid and careless, and I take full responsibility."
Josh's expression softened slightly, but he still looked concerned. "I knew you were going to fuck him when this whole thing started. And I get it.....he's hot and mysterious. But seriously, what the fuck do you think you are doing??" he said angrily.
"You're risking everything, Matt. Your career, your marriage, your life. All for what? A piece of ass?"
Matthew flinched at the harsh words, but he knew Josh was right. He couldn't deny that he had put himself in a dangerous position, not just professionally, but personally as well.
"I know, okay? I'm not an idiot. I know what I'm doing," Matthew said defensively.
Josh scoffed. "Really? Because it seems to me like you're in way over your head.
This isn't just some random hookup, Matthew. This is a high-stakes operation with real-world consequences. And you're playing with fire," Josh said, his voice laced with concern.
Matthew looked down at his desk, unable to meet Josh's gaze. He knew his friend was right, but he also knew that he couldn't walk away from Yakov. Not yet. There was something about the Russian that drew him in, something that made him want to protect him, to help him.
"I know it's risky, Josh. Believe me, I do. But I can't just leave him hanging. And he has already given us some really valuable information," Matthew pleaded.
"But at what risk? Your entire life with Oliver? And how do you know he's not just using you?" Josh asked.
His voice was filled with a mix of concern and frustration.
Matthew looked up at his friend, his eyes reflecting the turmoil inside him. "Because I can't just turn my back on him, Josh. He's not just some asset. He's a human being with real feelings and emotions. He's in a shitty situation and he needs help."
Josh sighed, running a hand through his beard. "I get that, Matt. I really do. But you need to be careful. You're playing with fire here, and you could get burned. Badly."
Matthew nodded, knowing his friend was right.
He sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling. I'm just... I'm drawn to him, Josh. There's something about him that I can't shake. I feel like I can help him, you know? Like I can make a difference in his life."
Josh sighed and leaned forward in his chair, his eyes searching Matthew's face. "I get it, Matt.
Matthew looked down, his voice barely above a whisper. "But what if I can't?
What if I'm in too deep and I can't get him out? What if I fail?" Matthew said, his voice barely above a whisper, his eyes filled with worry.
Josh leaned forward, placing a hand on Matthew's shoulder. "Hey, look at me. You're not in this alone. You have me, you have Carrie, you have the whole team. We're all here to support you. And if things go south, we'll find a way to get him out. That's a promise."
Matthew looked up at his friend, hoping he saw the sincerity in Josh's eyes.
Josh's hand on his shoulder was reassuring, grounding him in reality when all he wanted to do was retreat into the fantasy he'd created with Yakov.
"But first, you need to take a step back and really think about what you're doing," Josh continued, his voice softening. "You're putting yourself in a dangerous position, both personally and professionally. You need to be sure that you're doing this for the right reasons and not just because you're caught up in the moment."
Matthew nodded quietly and Josh turned and walked out of the office. Matthew watched his friend go, feeling a pit in his stomach. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was in over his head.
He spent the rest of the day trying to focus on work, but his mind kept drifting back to Yakov and their night together.
He knew he needed to keep his distance, but the thought of not seeing Yakov again gnawed at him.
He found himself continuously glancing at his phone, hoping to see a signal that Yakov wanted to meet. He knew that two days in a row would be dangerous and risk their operation, but he couldn't help but hope.
As the day dragged on, his anxiety grew, and he found himself making excuses to leave his office and check his burner phone.
Oliver noticed his distraction and concern throughout the day. He tried to engage Matthew in conversation during lunch, but Matthew was preoccupied and distant. Oliver chalked it up to work stress and didn't press the issue.
Matthew felt a twinge of guilt for not being there for Oliver, but he couldn't shake the thought of Yakov. He was consumed by the Russian, by the danger and the intimacy they had shared. He knew he was putting himself and his marriage at risk, but he couldn't seem to stop.
As 5 o'clock rolled around, Matthew sighed and knew he needed to go home.
Oliver would be waiting for him, and he didn't want to keep him up too late. But he couldn't shake the feeling of unease, the sense that something was off.
He drove home on autopilot, his mind racing with thoughts of Yakov. He couldn't stop thinking about the way he had felt in his arms, the way he had whispered his name into the darkness.
He pulled into the garage and killed the engine, sitting there for a moment to collect himself. He didn't want to go inside and face Oliver, didn't want to have to lie to him again. But he knew he had to.
He was a husband, not just an agent. He took a deep breath, stepped out of the car, and made his way inside.
Oliver was in the kitchen, pouring a glass of wine. He smiled as Matthew walked in, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Hey," Oliver said softly. "Long day?"
Matthew nodded and walked over to kiss him on the cheek. "Yeah, it was. Just a lot of things going on at work."
Oliver handed him the glass of wine. "Want to talk about it?"
Matthew hesitated before taking a sip.
“Not really. Most of it is classified. But it’s been intense. Lots of pressure,” he added, hoping that would be enough to satisfy Oliver’s curiosity.
Oliver nodded, understanding the constraints Matthew was under. “Well, whatever it is, I’m proud of you. You’re doing important work,” he said, giving Matthew a reassuring smile.
Matthew felt a pang of guilt at the lie. He knew he shouldn’t be taking Oliver’s kindness for granted, but he couldn’t help but feel like a fraud. “Thanks, Ollie. That means a lot,” he said, trying to match Oliver’s smile.
"I have a surprise for you," Oliver said. "I got us a reservation at that fancy new spot in Vinohrady we've been wanting to check out. No excuses. I don't want to hear how busy you are. We need a date night," Oliver continued.
"Just the two of us, no work, no distractions. We can dress up, have a fancy dinner, and just enjoy each other's company. What do you say?"
Matthew felt a lump form in his throat. He knew he should be excited, should be looking forward to a romantic evening with his husband. But all he could think about was the mess he was in, the secrets he was keeping.
"That sounds...great," he said, forcing a smile. "I'd love that."
Oliver beamed, clearly pleased with himself. "Okay, so it's a date. Go get freshened up and I will call us a cab," he said, planting a kiss on Matthew's cheek.
Matthew nodded, retreating to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. As he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he felt a pang of guilt. He didn't deserve Oliver's kindness, not after what he had done. He just hoped that Yakov would be worth it, that their work together would make all of this worth it in the end.
As they sat in the cab on the way to the restaurant, Matthew tried to push all thoughts of Yakov and the mission from his mind. He needed to be present with Oliver, to give him the attention and love that he deserved.
But his mind kept drifting back to the safe house, to the taste of Yakov's skin and the sound of his voice.
He was in too deep, and he knew it.
The restaurant was buzzing with the sounds of clinking glasses and low chatter. They were shown to a cozy booth in the corner, and Matthew forced himself to focus on the menu, on the wine list, on anything but Yakov.
Oliver ordered a bottle of wine and they clinked glasses, smiling at each other. Matthew took a sip and let the rich, velvety liquid coat his throat.
He forced himself to relax, to enjoy the moment. He needed to be here, with Oliver, not lost in thoughts of Yakov.
"This is really good," Oliver commented, swirling the wine in his glass. "I'm glad I picked it." "It's perfect. You always have such great taste."
Oliver smiled, clearly pleased with the compliment. They chatted about Oliver's work and some friends who were coming to visit. Matthew was almost able to pretend everything was normal.
But then he caught a familiar sight out of the corner of his eye. Yakov. He was sitting at a booth diagonally from Matthew and Oliver. Yakov was looking right at him with a knowing smile.
Their eyes locked and Matthew felt his heart race. He quickly looked away, trying to act casual.
"Who's that guy staring at you?" Oliver asked. Matthew's stomach dropped. This is the last thing he wanted to happen.
Matthew hesitated, trying to figure out what to say. "One of the Russians. You know how they are. They love to try to intimidate us," Matthew said.
He casually took another sip of his wine, trying to seem nonchalant. "He's just posturing."
Oliver's eyebrows furrowed slightly with concern, but he didn't press the issue. Instead, he reached across the table and took Matthew's hand in his own. "Everything okay, Matt?" he asked softly.
Matthew forced a smile, squeezing Oliver's hand in return. "Yeah, everything's fine. Just work stuff," he said.
Oliver nodded, but Matthew could see the doubt in his eyes.
Matthew knew he had to do something to reassure him, anything to keep him from asking more questions. He couldn't risk Oliver finding out the truth.
"Really, Ollie, it's nothing. Just the usual spy games. You know how it goes," Matthew said, trying to keep his voice light and casual.
Oliver searched Matthew's face for a moment before finally nodding and letting it go. But Matthew could see the worry lingering in his eyes. He felt a pang of guilt for not being honest with him, but he knew he couldn't divulge any details about his mission, especially not with Yakov sitting just a few tables away.
He turned his attention back to Oliver, giving him a reassuring smile. "So, what should we order?"
Oliver looked relieved that the subject was changed. He picked up the menu and began scanning the options. "I don't know, everything looks so good."
Matthew tried to focus on the menu, but his mind was elsewhere. He was hyper-aware of Yakov's presence, feeling the weight of his gaze from across the restaurant. He struggled to maintain eye contact with Oliver, feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions.
Matthew tried to focus on Oliver, on the conversation, but his mind kept drifting back to Yakov. He felt guilty for letting his thoughts wander, but he couldn't shake the intense connection he felt with the Russian.
Oliver was talking about a new art exhibit they had been meaning to check out, but Matthew could barely hear him. He nodded along, trying to look engaged, but his mind was racing. He felt like he was in a nightmare, trapped between two worlds, two lives.
Their food arrived, and Matthew made an effort to focus on the steaming plate in front of him. He took a bite, trying to savor the flavors, but his appetite was gone.
He forced himself to eat, knowing that Oliver would notice if he didn't.
As they ate, Matthew couldn't help but steal glances at Yakov. The Russian was with a group of people, laughing and joking, but his eyes kept straying to Matthew.
Matthew felt a flush of anger and embarrassment. Did Yakov have any idea what he was putting Matthew through? Did he care?
He tried to push the thoughts away, focusing on the conversation with Oliver. But it was hard to concentrate with Yakov's eyes on him, with the weight of his secrets hanging over him.
The night seemed to drag on interminably.
Matthew forced himself to smile and laugh at the right moments, to nod along with Oliver's stories, but his mind was elsewhere. He felt like a puppet, going through the motions without really being present.
Needing a respite from tension, Matthew excused himself and went to the bathroom. He stood in the mirror and splashed cold water on his face, trying to snap out of it.
He heard the door open. It was Yakov. Matthew should have known he would be followed.
He should have been more cautious. But he couldn't deny the thrill he felt at seeing Yakov standing behind him in the bathroom mirror.
"Your husband is very handsome. Now I know what I'm up against," Yakov said with a slight smile.
"A loving, devoted husband. Such a cliché, but so very American."
Matthew froze in place, the cold water dripping from his face as he met Yakov's gaze in the mirror. He hadn't expected to see him here, and the sudden appearance sent his heart racing with a mix of fear and excitement.
"We shouldn't be talking here," Matthew said tersely, trying to make his way for the door.
But Yakov caught his arm, pulling him back. "Don't go. I've missed you," he said, his voice low and husky.
Matthew glanced around, making sure they were alone. He knew they were taking a huge risk being here, together, in public. But he couldn't deny the thrill that coursed through him at the touch of Yakov's hand on his arm.
"We can't," Matthew whispered, even as he leaned into the touch.
Yakov stepped closer, his breath hot on Matthew's ear. "We can't...
what? Be honest? Be ourselves?" Yakov murmured, his fingers tracing the curve of Matthew's jaw.
Matthew shivered, despite himself, as Yakov's touch sent shivers down his spine. He knew they were playing with fire, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away.
"There are eyes everywhere in Prague. You know that. If you want to see me, you have to use secure channels to reach me. You know that," Matthew said, trying to stabilize himself.
Yakov laughed softly, his breath warm on Matthew's neck. "Yes, I do. But sometimes, risks are worth taking. Besides, I think we both enjoy the danger, don't we?"
Matthew's heart pounded in his chest as he felt Yakov's lips brush against his ear. He knew he should push him away, should insist they only communicate through the secure channels they had set up. But the feeling of Yakov's body pressed against his was intoxicating, and he found himself leaning into the touch.
"We shouldn't be doing this," Matthew murmured, but his voice lacked conviction.
Matthew could feel Yakov's hands touching his hips. He knew he should bolt out of the bathroom as quickly as possible but he couldn't force himself to leave.
Yakov’s hands slid around his waist pulling him closer.
"You're right, we shouldn't. But I can't stop thinking about it," Yakov whispered in his ear before his lips trailed down his neck leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.
Matthew's body betrayed him as he let out a soft moan, his eyes fluttering shut. He felt Yakov's hand slip under his shirt, his fingers tracing circles on his back.
Matthew couldn't resist any longer and found Yakov's lips for a passionate kiss.
He could taste the remnants of red wine on Yakov's lips as their tongues intertwined. He felt a thrill run through his body as Yakov pressed him against the bathroom wall.
Matthew knew they were pushing their luck, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. He was too lost in the moment, in the sensation of Yakov's hands exploring his body.
Matthew finally came to his senses and pulled away. "I have to go back out there. This is crazy," he said.
"We can't do this here. Someone could walk in at any moment."
Yakov smiled and nipped at Matthew's bottom lip. "Let them. I want them to see you like this, with your lips swollen from my kisses and your eyes filled with desire."
Matthew's heart raced as he felt Yakov's hands roaming his body. "You're reckless," he whispered.
Yakov's eyes darkened. "And you love it," he said, grabbing Matthew's wrist and positioning his hand on his own growing erection.
Matthew gasped, feeling the heat of Yakov's desire through his clothes.
Yakov began unbuttoning Matthew's belt buckle. Matthew knew he should stop him but couldn't bring himself to say the words.
He could feel his own desire burning within him, a reckless, uncontrollable force that he couldn't ignore. He let out a shaky breath, his heart pounding in his chest.
Yakov knelt down to his knees and unzipped Matthew's pants, freeing his pounding erection in the process. He gave a kiss to Matthew's tip looking up to maintain eye contact.
Matthew's breath hitched as he watched Yakov suck him in, inch by inch, until he hit the back of Yakov's throat.
"Fuck, Yakov," Matthew hissed, his hands flying to Yakov's hair, gripping it tightly. "That feels so good."
Yakov moaned around him, the vibrations sending shivers down Matthew's spine. He started to move his hips, fucking Yakov's mouth slowly, careful not to go too deep.
Matthew couldn't believe what was happening. He was in a public bathroom with his Russian asset, risking everything for a moment of pleasure.
He knew he needed to pull away, needed to stop this before it went any further. But Yakov's mouth was so warm, so wet, and the sensation of him sucking him off was too good to resist.
"We have to be fast," Matthew said.
His breaths came in quick gasps as Yakov's mouth worked on him, bringing him closer to the edge. "Someone could...could walk in at any moment."
Yakov pulled off with a pop, looking up at Matthew with lust-filled eyes. "Then let's make it count," he said, his voice thick with desire.
Matthew's heart pounded in his chest as Yakov stood up, pressing him against the cold tile wall. He could feel the heat of Yakov's body through his clothes, and he ached to be closer to him.
He wanted to tear off his own shirt and feel Yakov's skin against his, but they didn't have time. They had to be quick, had to be careful.
He could feel the heat of Yakov's breath on his neck, feel the hard press of Yakov's body against his own. He wanted more. He needed more.
"Hurry," Matthew gasped, his hands gripping Yakov's hips, pulling him closer.
Yakov complied, his movements quick and efficient. Matthew could feel the pleasure building inside him, could feel every nerve ending in his body coming alive.
He knew they were playing with fire, that they could get caught at any moment, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He just wanted this, wanted Yakov, needed him with a desperation that scared him.
Yakov's mouth was hot and wet, his tongue doing wicked things to Matthew's most sensitive spots. Matthew could feel himself getting closer and closer to the edge, could feel the pleasure coiling tighter and tighter inside him.
He knew he should pull away, should make them stop before it was too late, but he couldn't.
He was too far gone, too lost in the sensation of Yakov's mouth on him.
"Fuck, Yakov, I'm close," Matthew panted, his hips bucking into Yakov's mouth, his grip on Yakov's hair tightening.
Yakov moaned around him, the vibrations sending shockwaves of pleasure through Matthew's body. He could feel his orgasm building, could feel the pressure rising inside him, threatening to explode.
Matthew threw his head back, his eyes squeezed shut as he fought to hold on, to make it last just a little longer.
But Yakov's mouth on him was too much, too good, and he couldn't hold back any longer.
"Fuck, Yakov, I'm coming," he groaned, his body tensing as the first waves of pleasure crashed over him.
Yakov moaned, the vibrations sending aftershocks of pleasure through Matthew's body. He rode out the waves, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he tried to regain his composure.
When he finally opened his eyes, he saw Yakov grinning up at him, his lips swollen and red from their encounter.
Matthew felt a shiver run down his spine as he looked into the Russian's dark eyes. He knew he should be feeling guilty, should be worried about getting caught, but all he could feel was a sense of satisfaction and desire.
"That was...wow," Matthew said, trying to catch his breath.
Yakov stood up, brushing himself off and straightening his clothes. "I could say the same for you," he said, his voice low and husky. "But we should probably get back to our respective dates before we're missed."
Matthew nodded, stepping away from the wall and adjusting his own clothing.
He zipped up his pants and straightened his shirt, stealing a glance at his reflection in the mirror. His cheeks were flushed, and his hair was disheveled, but he knew he couldn't do anything about it now. He had to get back to Oliver.
"Yes, of course," he said, turning to face Yakov. "We should go."
Yakov smiled, his eyes lingering on Matthew's. "Until next time, then," he said, his voice a low purr.
Matthew felt a shiver run down his spine at Yakov's words.
He knew he should be feeling remorse, or at least some sense of guilt, but all he could feel was a mix of exhilaration and desire. He couldn't deny the connection he felt with Yakov, the way their bodies seemed to fit together so perfectly.
But he also knew that he was playing with fire, that one wrong move could blow the entire operation and put Yakov in serious danger.
He took a deep breath and made his way back to the table, trying to act casual and collected. He didn't want to give Oliver any reason to suspect something was wrong.
Oliver looked up as Matthew approached, his eyes searching Matthew's face. "Everything okay?
You were gone for a while," Oliver asked, his voice laced with concern.
Matthew forced a smile and sat down, trying to act nonchalant. "Just had a work call I had to take, but I think I'm off the hook the rest of the night," he lied.
He knew his face was probably still flushed from his encounter with Yakov, but he hoped that the dim lighting in the restaurant would conceal his guilt.
Oliver seemed to accept the explanation, giving him a reassuring smile. "I'm glad you're back. I missed you."
Matthew felt a pang of guilt at the sincerity in Oliver's voice. He knew he was putting their marriage in jeopardy, and seeing Oliver's love for him made it that much harder to bear.
"I missed you too, Ollie," he said, reaching across the table to take Oliver's hand in his own.
He tried to pour all of the love and affection he felt for Oliver into that simple touch, hoping that it would be enough to assuage any lingering doubts or fears.
Oliver smiled, squeezing his hand in return. "I'm really glad we're doing this. It's been too long since we've had a proper date night."
Matthew nodded, forcing a smile as he willed his racing heart to slow down. He felt like a fraud, sitting here with Oliver when all he could think about was the way Yakov's lips had felt around him, the way his body had responded to his touch.
He could still feel the heat of their bodies pressed together, could still taste the residual desire on his lips.
He forced himself to focus on the conversation, nodding along as Oliver talked about a recipe he had been wanting to try out. But his mind was elsewhere, drifting back to the bathroom, to Yakov's touch, to the way his eyes had darkened with desire.
Matthew realized he was only half-listening to Oliver and forced himself to pay attention. "That sounds really good," he said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "I can't wait to try it."
Oliver smiled, pleased with himself. He placed his hand on Matthew's and gave it a loving squeeze. "What do you say we get out of here?" Oliver suggested with a sly grin.
Matthew forced a smile and nodded. He knew Oliver would be expecting sex when they got home, but Matthew could hardly stand the thought of being with his husband right after his reckless encounter with Yakov in the bathroom.
He felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he imagined Oliver's face if he knew what Matthew had just done.
Oliver got the check and paid while Matthew tried to push Yakov out of his mind.
He felt sick at the thought of how he had just betrayed Oliver. He knew that he needed to talk to Yakov and explain that they couldn’t continue this. It was too dangerous and too wrong. But he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to resist seeing Yakov again.
As they left the restaurant and hailed a cab, Matthew couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt. He tried to smile and act normal, but Oliver could sense something was off.
“You seem really quiet tonight,” Oliver commented as they sat in the back of the cab.
Matthew forced a smile. “I’m just tired, that’s all.
Long day at work,” Matthew said, trying to keep his voice even.
Oliver studied him for a moment before nodding. “I get it. Maybe we can just go home and have an early night?” Oliver suggested.
Matthew nodded, his stomach churning with guilt. “That sounds perfect. I could really use some rest.”
They rode the rest of the way in silence, and Matthew could feel the tension between them growing. He knew that Oliver was picking up on his distance, could sense that something was wrong.
As they entered their apartment, Oliver put a vinyl on the record player and lit a candle. Matthew forced himself to be mentally present for his husband and to shake off the guilt of what he had just done.
Matthew went to the kitchen for a glass of water. He felt Oliver come up behind him and wrap his arms around his waist.
"I hope you're not too tired," Oliver whispered. "I've been thinking about this all day." He planted a kiss on Matthew's neck.
"I've missed you today. It's been too long since we last made love."
Matthew closed his eyes and leaned into Oliver's touch, feeling the guilt well up inside him like bile. He knew he didn't deserve Oliver's affection, not after what he had just done.
"I've missed you too, Ollie," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
Oliver spun him around and kissed him, a slow, gentle kiss that tasted like wine and mint. Matthew tried to lose himself in the moment, tried to forget about Yakov and the bathroom and the danger they were both in.
But it was no use.
The taste of Yakov was still on his lips, the feel of his body still imprinted on his skin. The guilt gnawed at him like a hungry beast, making it impossible for him to fully give in to Oliver's advances.
Matthew unbuttoned Oliver's shirt, peeling the fabric off of his shoulders and onto the floor. His hands lingered on Oliver's chest, feeling his thick and coarse chest hair. This had always been Matthew's favorite part of Oliver's body, and he hoped focusing on it would help get him in the mood.
He could feel Oliver's erection pressing against his own, and knew he needed to get out of his head and into the moment.
He trailed kisses down Oliver's chest, then lower, nipping at his husband's nipples and making him gasp. Oliver's fingers tangled in Matthew's hair, guiding him where he wanted him to go.
Matthew dropped to his knees, looking up at Oliver with a wicked grin. He knew how to make his husband feel good, and he wanted to show him just how much he loved him.
He slowly unbuckled Oliver's belt and pulled down his pants, freeing his hard cock.