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Shell Shocked Submission

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Mikey is a sub in need of a dom. Luck his brothers are doms. Will Leo, Raph and Donnie give Mikey a good time. All characters are over the age of 18.

Chapter 8: The Truth Serum Interrogation

The scrap of blue silk was a coal in Mikey’s fist. The drone’s red eye held him, unblinking, transmitting every ragged breath, every minute tremor back to its source. He could smash it. He should smash it.

Instead, he stood up, his joints protesting. He didn’t look at the drone again. He turned and walked deeper into the tunnel, his footsteps echoing off the wet concrete. The red light of the lens painted a tiny, dancing dot between his shoulder blades until he rounded a bend and the darkness swallowed it whole.

He walked without direction. The cool, damp air was a relief after the sterile chill of the lab. Here, the only monitors were the steady drip of water and the skitter of unseen things. He found a rusted service ladder and climbed, emerging onto a derelict subway platform lost in time. Graffiti bloomed in the beam of his flashlight—old tags, new art, a chaotic testament to life above.

He sat on a crumbling bench, the piece of belt laid on his knee. It was a declaration of war, cut from the same fabric as Leo’s claim. Donnie wasn’t just observing anymore; he was dismantling, piece by symbolic piece.

The sound of careful footsteps on gravel made him stiffen. Not the heavy tread of Raph, or the silent surety of Leo. This was a measured, precise gait. He didn’t need to look.

“The drone lost you at the 14th Street airshaft,” Donnie’s voice came from the platform’s edge. He sounded calm, analytical. “I calculated a 78% probability you’d surface here. Highest stable structure in a three-block radius.”

Mikey kept his eyes on the dark tunnel mouth across the tracks. “Go away, Donnie.”

“You’re distressed. The data stream was conclusive.” Donnie moved closer, his figure resolving in the gloom. He carried a small, metallic case. “The conflict is causing measurable harm. My initial proposal stands. A simple neuro-inhibitor to simulate injury. It would give you a valid excuse to avoid Leo’s… sessions. It would end the stress.”

“It would be a lie,” Mikey said, his voice hollow.

“It would be a solution. A strategic retreat to preserve the integrity of our work.”

“Your work.” Mikey finally looked at him. Donnie’s face was all sharp angles in the shadow, his goggles reflecting the dim light. “I’m not a pet project you get to fight Leo over.”

“This isn’t about him.” Donnie’s jaw tightened. “This is about corrupted data. His methodology is anecdotal. Instinctual. It introduces too many variables. What we were building was pure. Controllable.”

“You want to control me.”

“I want to understand you!” The outburst was sudden, sharp, cracking Donnie’s clinical veneer. He took a breath, adjusting his grip on the case. “You came to me with a need. A chaotic, undefined need. I applied logic. Structure. Protocol. And it worked. The biometrics from our first session were… beautiful. A perfect curve from anxiety to surrender. Then he inserted himself with his archaic displays of dominance. It’s muddying the waters.”

He opened the case. Inside, nestled in foam, was a single syringe filled with a clear liquid. “This is a mild veracity serum. My own formulation. It lowers inhibitions, suppresses the prefrontal cortex’s ability to fabricate. It doesn’t force truth. It simply removes the capacity for lies.”

Mikey stared at the syringe, a cold dread seeping into his bones. “What?”

“You’re conflicted. Your words are unreliable. Your body language is contradictory. I need a clean data set.” Donnie’s eyes were fever-bright behind his goggles. “Let’s see what your body says when your mind can’t lie. Let’s settle the variable of Leonardo once and for all.”

“You’re insane.” Mikey shot to his feet, the scrap of fabric falling to the grimy floor.

“I’m thorough.” Donnie advanced, his movements deliberate. “This will clarify everything. For both of us.”

Mikey backed up, his shell hitting a tiled column. The cold brick was at his back. The platform edge was to his left, a drop onto the tracks. Donnie blocked the way forward.

“Don’t do this, Donnie.” It was a plea.

“It’s a small injection. Harmless. The effects last approximately twenty minutes.” He was close now, the syringe held with practiced ease. “Then we’ll know. We’ll know if you really want his discipline, or if you’re just falling back on old patterns. We’ll know what you truly need.”

Mikey’s heart was a frantic bird against his plastron. He could fight. He could probably take Donnie in a straight fight. But this wasn’t a fight. This was a dissection.

Donnie’s free hand shot out, not with violence, but with swift, clinical precision. He gripped Mikey’s bicep, his fingers finding a pressure point that made the muscle go slack. It was a technique from the dojo, used for pain compliance. Mikey gasped, more from the betrayal of the move than the pain.

“Hold still,” Donnie murmured, his voice low, almost soothing. “This will be easier than the lie.”

The needle pricked the skin of Mikey’s shoulder. A cold burn spread as the plunger depressed. Donnie released him, stepping back to observe, the empty syringe held loosely in his hand.

For a moment, nothing. Just the pounding of Mikey’s heart and the hum of distant electricity.

Then, a warmth. A softening at the edges of his thoughts. The sharp fear didn’t vanish, but it blurred, becoming just another sensation among many. The weight of his body against the column felt profound. The grit on the floor was fascinating. Donnie’s expectant face was a complex landscape of angles and intention.

“Okay,” Donnie said, pulling out a small recorder. “State your name.”

The answer floated up, effortless and unbidden. “Michelangelo. Mikey. But you never call me Mikey. You call me ‘Subject M’ or ‘Michael’ when you’re annoyed.” The words spilled out, connected to a thread of thought he hadn’t meant to voice. “You used to call me Mikey. Before the machines got so loud in your head.”

Donnie’s recorder hand wavered. “Focus. How do you feel about Leonardo’s training this morning?”

Mikey sighed, the sound coming from deep in his chest. “It hurt. Everything hurt. My muscles felt like broken glass. I hated it.” He saw Donnie’s slight, satisfied nod. Then the rest of the truth arrived, tumbling out. “And it was the most real thing I’ve felt in weeks. When he tied my wrists… it was like all the noise stopped. The noise in here.” He tapped his temple. “For a minute, I wasn’t the messed-up kid brother. I was just a task. A thing to be perfected. It was quiet.”

“You associate pain with clarity?” Donnie prompted, his scientist’s tone firmly back.

“No. I associate him with clarity.” Mikey’s gaze was unfocused, looking past Donnie at the graffiti. “He doesn’t want to figure me out. He just wants to shape me. There’s a difference. With you… I’m a puzzle. With him, I’m just… clay. It’s simpler.”

“Simplicity is not a virtue.”

“It is when you’re tired,” Mikey said, his voice softening. “I’m so tired, Donnie.”

The raw fatigue in the words made Donnie pause. He clicked the recorder off. “The serum is working. Proceed.”

“You asked.” Mikey slid down the column to sit on the floor, his limbs loose. “You want the truth? The lab was amazing. It was like a video game. All the sensations, the sounds, the… the control. It was a vacation from being me. But it was a vacation. I had to come back. Leo’s dojo… that’s not a vacation. That’s coming home. And home is hard. It’s demanding. It hurts. But it’s real.”

He picked up the scrap of blue fabric, rubbing it between his fingers. “You cut this to scare me. To show me you could cut him out. But you know what it makes me feel?”

Donnie was silent, his expression unreadable.

“It makes me feel sorry for you.” Mikey looked up, his eyes clear and devastatingly earnest. “Because you have to take a knife to something to understand it. Leo just has to pick it up.”

The words hung in the stagnant air. Donnie didn’t move. The recorder was forgotten at his side.

“You think this is a competition,” Mikey continued, the serum weaving its truth through his languid speech. “It’s not. I’m not a prize. I’m a person. And I need… I need the dojo. I need the pain that means something. And I think…” He hesitated, the last barrier falling. “I think I needed the lab, too. For a minute. To feel like my chaos could be interesting to someone. To feel like a mystery instead of a mess.”

He let his head thump back against the brick. “Now you have your data. Your Subject M is a confused kid who wants to be sculpted by one brother and studied by the other. And that probably ruins all your graphs.”

Donnie slowly crouched down, so they were at eye level. He removed his goggles. His eyes were wide, dark, and utterly lost. The scientist was gone. The raw, unprepared brother was there, staring at the wreckage of his experiment.

“You feel sorry for me,” he repeated, his voice barely a whisper.

Mikey nodded, a slow, heavy motion. “Yeah. Because you’re down here with a syringe, trying to win. And he’s probably up there, just waiting for me to come back. He’s not even fighting. He’s just… waiting. That’s what makes him Leo. And that’s what you don’t get.”

Donnie looked at the empty syringe in his hand as if seeing it for the first time. He looked at his recorder, at the case of tools designed to dissect and quantify. He looked at Mikey, slumped against the wall, speaking a truth so plain it was brutal.

The victory was ash.

He had the unfiltered confession. It was a map of a heart, and it showed Donnie standing outside, alone, with a knife and a measuring tape.

He didn’t speak. He stood up, fumbling the equipment into the case. The click of the latches was deafening in the silence. He turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing back down the platform, faster now, uneven.

Mikey watched the darkness swallow him. The warm, floating feeling began to ebb, leaving a profound, aching clarity in its wake. He was shivering. He picked up the blue scrap and put it in his pocket.

He knew where he had to go. The dojo would be empty now. But Leo would be somewhere nearby. Training. Meditating. Waiting.

Mikey pushed himself to his feet, his body heavy but his path suddenly simple. He didn’t have all the answers. But he had one truth, given freely, not taken. He started the long walk back up, toward the light, toward the hard, quiet demand of home.

The climb from the damp dark was a physical ache. Each step up the service ladder sent tremors through his thighs, a fresh echo of the morning’s punishment. His shoulder throbbed where the needle had bitten, a tiny, sharp companion to the deeper exhaustion. The truth serum’s woolly warmth had completely evaporated, leaving him scraped hollow and too aware of every sensation.

The lair’s familiar hum felt alien, the lights too bright. He moved through the tunnels on autopilot, drawn not to his bedroom but to the source of the ache itself. The scent of lemon polish and old wood hit him before he reached the dojo doorway. The candles were lit again, a soft, living glow against the predawn gray seeping through the high windows.

Leo was there. He wasn’t training. He was kneeling on the mats, a whetstone in hand, slowly sliding it along the edge of his katana. The rhythmic shink-shink was the only sound. He didn’t look up as Mikey hovered in the entrance.

“You’re back,” Leo said, his voice flat. He examined the blade’s edge.

Mikey couldn’t speak. His throat was sealed shut. He just stood there, filthy from the tunnels, shaking with adrenal drop and something perilously close to grief.

The sharpening stopped. Leo’s gaze lifted, taking in Mikey’s posture, the dirt, the vacant stare. His eyes narrowed, not in anger, but in swift assessment. He set the sword aside without a sound and stood.

“Talk,” he commanded, but the word wasn’t harsh. It was an anchor thrown into choppy water.

“Donnie,” Mikey managed, the name cracking. “He… he had a syringe. He said it was for truth.”

Leo went very still. A muscle feathered in his jaw. The calm around him hardened, solidified into something lethal and quiet. “Did he inject you?”

Mikey nodded, a pathetic little bob of his head. “Yeah. In the tunnels.”

“What was in it?”

“He said… veracity serum. To stop me from lying.” A broken laugh hiccupped out of him. “It worked.”

Leo closed the distance between them in three swift strides. His hands came up, not to strike, but to frame Mikey’s face, his thumbs pressing gently on the hinges of his jaw, forcing eye contact. His touch was warm, grounding. “Are you hurt? Beyond the injection.”

“I don’t know.” Mikey’s vision blurred. “My head feels… empty. He asked questions. I answered. I told him everything.”

“What did you tell him?”

“That the dojo hurts. That it’s real. That I need it.” The words were a flood now, spilling over Leo’s fingers. “That he was a vacation. That you’re home. I said I felt sorry for him because he needs a knife to understand things. I just talked and talked. He took his recorder and left. He just left me there.”

A storm passed behind Leo’s eyes, a silent, violent calculation. His hands dropped from Mikey’s face to his shoulders, gripping firmly. “Listen to me. You are not his experiment. You are not data.” He gave a slight shake, not to hurt, but to emphasize. “Do you understand that? Right now.”

“I think so.”

“No. Believe it.” Leo’s voice was iron wrapped in velvet. “He crossed a line. That won’t happen again.”

It was the certainty in the statement that undid him. The unshakable promise of protection. The dam broke. A sob ripped its way out of Mikey’s chest, raw and ugly. He folded forward, his forehead thumping against Leo’s plastron.

Leo caught him. He didn’t offer soft words. He just held him there, one hand firm on the back of his shell, as Mikey shuddered apart. The tears were hot and messy, soaking into Leo’s gi. He cried for the violation, for the confusion, for the sheer relief of being held upright by someone who demanded no explanation.

After a long while, the storm subsided into hiccups and a deep, trembling weariness. Leo guided him to sit on the wooden bench along the wall. He disappeared, returning with a damp cloth and a glass of water. He pressed both into Mikey’s hands.

“Clean up. Drink.”

The orders were simple, merciful. Mikey scrubbed the grime and tear-tracks from his face, the cool water a balm. He drank until the glass was empty. Leo waited, a solid, silent presence.

“What happens now?” Mikey whispered, his voice shot.

“Now,” Leo said, his tone shifting into something practical, “we ensure the serum is fully out of your system. You will rest. You will eat. You will not be alone with him.”

“And you?” Mikey looked up, searching his brother’s face. “What are you going to do?”

Leo’s expression was a closed door. “I’m going to speak with Donatello. That is not your concern.” He saw the flicker of fear in Mikey’s eyes and leaned down, placing both hands on the bench, caging him in. “Look at me. I am not going to fight him. That’s what he expects. That’s data.”

He paused, letting the words settle. “I am going to explain the new boundaries. He will listen.”

There was no boast in it. It was a forecast. The inevitability of it was more frightening than any threat of violence. Mikey believed him.

He remembered the scrap in his pocket, a damp, crumpled weight. He pulled it out, the dark blue silk stained with tunnel dust. He held it in his open palm, a silent offering, a question.

Leo looked at it. His eyes softened, just for a heartbeat. He didn’t take it. Instead, he closed Mikey’s fingers around it again, his own hand enveloping Mikey’s fist.

“You keep that,” he said, his voice low. “A reminder of what you allowed. And a reminder of what he tried to take.” He straightened up, the moment of tenderness receding behind his disciplined calm. “Come on. You’re sleeping in my room tonight. Up.”

Mikey stood, his legs unsteady. The dojo, the heart of his turmoil, now felt like the only safe place. Leaving it was hard.

As they moved toward the door, a large shadow filled the corridor outside. Raph stood with his arms crossed, his expression granite. He looked from Leo’s protective stance to Mikey’s ravaged face.

“I heard crying,” Raph stated, his voice a gravel rumble. His eyes pinned Leo. “You do this?”

“No,” Leo said, meeting his gaze without flinching.

Raph’s scrutiny shifted to Mikey. “The brainiac.” It wasn’t a question. The rage on Raph’s face was instant and volcanic. He turned on his heel. “I’ll dismantle his lab. Bolt by bolt.”

“Raph, no.” Leo’s command was a whip-crack. “Stand down. This is handled.”

“Like hell it is!” Raph spun back, gesturing at Mikey. “Look at him! He didn’t get like that from push-ups, Leo!”

“I know.” Leo’s voice dropped, dangerous and quiet. “Which is why you will not make it worse. Go to the kitchen. Make him food. Something solid. Do something useful.”

The two older brothers stared each other down, a torrent of unspoken history and conflicting instincts raging between them. Mikey held his breath.

Raph’s fists clenched, then slowly released. He swore, violently, under his breath. His eyes flicked to Mikey, the anger dissolving into a frustrated, helpless concern. “You okay, kid?”

Mikey nodded, not trusting his voice.

Raph jabbed a finger at Leo. “You and me. We talk after.” He stomped past them, heading toward the kitchen, muttering about “useless geniuses” and “too many gods-damned therapists in this sewer.”

The tension bled from the air by a fraction. Leo guided Mikey out of the dojo and down the hall toward his own sparse, orderly room. The simplicity of it was a relief. Leo pointed to the bed.

“Sleep. I’ll be right outside.”

“You’re not going to see Donnie now?”

“Soon.” Leo pulled a blanket over him, the gesture oddly final. “He’ll be waiting. He’ll be calculating probabilities, running scenarios. Let him wait. Let him wonder which variable he failed to account for.”

Mikey sank into the pillow, the scrap of silk still clutched in his hand. He watched Leo turn off the light and step into the hallway, leaving the door open a crack. A slice of light cut across the floor, and Leo’s silhouette settled against the wall just outside, a silent, vigilant sentry.

The last thing Mikey heard before sleep dragged him under was the sound of a single katana being slid from its sheath in the hallway, a soft, definitive ring of polished steel, followed by the slow, deliberate rasp of the whetstone beginning its work again. Shink. Shink. Shink. It wasn’t a threat. It was a promise, being honed to a razor’s edge.

The rhythmic shink of steel on stone was a clock counting down in the dark hallway. Inside the dim room, Mikey’s breathing evened out into the shallow waves of exhausted sleep, the stolen scrap of silk a dark star against his open palm. Leo listened to the shift in rhythm, a forensic cataloguing of his brother’s descent into unconsciousness. Only then did the sharpening stop.

The silence that followed was absolute and deliberate.

Leo sheathed the katana with a click that sounded like a period at the end of a sentence. He did not look in on Mikey. He simply turned and walked, not toward the dojo, but into the belly of the lair where the air grew cooler and hummed with a different frequency. The fluorescent glare of the lab’s antechamber washed over him, bleaching the warmth from his skin.

The main door was sealed, a red access light glowing. Leo didn’t request entry. His fingers flew over the keypad with a hacker’s speed, inputting an override code he’d known for years but never used. Donnie’s security was elegant. Leo’s counter was brute-force simple: the master code that could shut down every system in the lair in case of catastrophe.

The light switched to green. The door hissed open.

The lab was a cathedral of data. Holographic screens floated in the air, displaying spiraling DNA helixes, scrolling neuro-chemical formulas, and—in the center—a paused, three-dimensional playback of a thermal image. Two figures in a dojo, one with a hand glowing against the other’s chest. Donnie stood with his back to the door, staring at it, his shoulders rigid.

“You’re running the simulation backward,” Leo said, his voice cutting through the low hum. “Trying to find the point of infection.”

Donnie didn’t turn. “The point of infection was your unsanctioned intervention. You introduced a pathogen into a controlled environment.”

“He’s not an environment. He’s our brother.” Leo stepped inside, the door sealing behind him. His gaze swept the screens, taking in the biometric readouts, the transcript of the tunnel conversation scrolling beside an audio waveform. “You recorded it. Of course you did.”

“Veracity requires verification.” Donnie finally pivoted. His eyes were red-rimmed, his usually immaculate lab coat wrinkled. He looked like a man who had stared at a proof for too long and found a fundamental error. “The data is… inconclusive.”

“It’s not data. It’s a confession you forced out of him with chemicals.” Leo kept his distance, his hands loose at his sides. “You drugged him, Donnie. You hunted him in the tunnels and you drugged him. Explain to me how that fits your protocol.”

A muscle twitched in Donnie’s cheek. “The methodology was sound! The variable—you—was corrupting the process. I needed an uncontaminated baseline!”

“You needed to win.” Leo’s words were flat, heavy. “And when you couldn’t, you escalated. You always escalate. From sensors to drones to syringes. What’s next? Electrodes? Isolation tanks?”

“You think this is about toys?” Donnie’s voice rose, cracking. He gestured wildly at the screens. “He came to me! He was a perfect chaos of need, and I could map it! I could give it shape! Then you with your… your archaic belt and your silent, judgmental staring! You offered him pain without purpose!”

“The purpose was focus. Something you’ve clearly lost.” Leo took a single step forward. The air tightened. “You cut a piece of my belt. A message. For who? For him? Or for me?”

Donnie went very still. The clinical fury bled away, leaving something naked and bewildered. “I don’t know.”

The admission seemed to cost him. He sagged against a console.

“He said he felt sorry for me,” Donnie whispered, not looking at Leo. “The serum… it strips away fabrication. That was the truth. His truth.” He looked up, his eyes haunted. “He pitied me. While I was measuring his cortisol levels, he was pitying me.”

Leo felt no triumph. He saw only the shattered architecture of his brother’s logic. “You were trying to solve him. You can’t solve a person. You can only lead them. Or follow them. Or get out of their way.”

“And which are you doing?” Donnie shot back, a flicker of his old sharpness returning.

“Right now, I’m getting in your way.” Leo’s tone left no room for debate. “It stops. All of it. The remote monitoring. The ‘sessions.’ The chemical interventions. You will delete every byte of data you’ve collected on him from the moment he walked in here. Not archive. Delete.”

Donnie’s head jerked up. “You can’t be serious. The longitudinal study alone is—”

“Gone,” Leo interrupted, his voice a blade. “Or I take a hammer to every server in this room. Not a metaphor, Donnie. A physical hammer.”

They stared at each other across the sterile gap. The threat was primal, childish almost. It existed outside every system Donnie had built.

“You’re irrational,” Donnie breathed.

“I’m establishing a boundary. One you’ve proven you can’t respect on your own.” Leo glanced at the hologram of the dojo, his own thermal image a brand on Mikey’s chest. “He is off-limits. To your science. Permanently.”

“And what will you provide instead?” Donnie’s question was a desperate lunge. “More katas? More silent treatment? He needs more than discipline, Leo! He needs understanding!”

“I understand that he’s drowning.” Leo’s composure finally showed a fracture, a raw edge of frustration. “And you were handing him weighted glass to look at, calling it a life preserver. I’m handing him a rope. It’s coarse. It might burn his hands. But it will hold his weight.”

He turned to leave, then paused at the door. “Delete it, Donnie. Before I come back. And if you ever approach him with another syringe, I won’t use the hammer on the servers.”

The implication hung in the chemically pure air. Donnie said nothing.

Leo left. The door hissed shut, returning Donnie to his silent, glowing garden of data. He stared at the central hologram—the paused moment of contact. He replayed the audio from the tunnel, Mikey’s voice, slurry and sincere: “You have to take a knife to something to understand it. Leo just has to pick it up.”

His fingers trembled over the console. With a sudden, violent swipe of his hand, he scattered the holograms into pixels of dying light. One by one, the screens around him winked to black. The silence was deeper now, a vacuum.

He pulled up the master directory: PROJECT: SUBJECT M. The file size was massive. Biometrics, vocal analyses, psychological profiles, speculated gradient maps of submission.

His finger hovered over the delete command.

He thought of the perfect curve on the graph from the first night, the beautiful, predictable drop into surrender. He thought of Mikey’s pity.

He pressed delete.

A prompt flashed: CONFIRM PERMANENT ERASURE? Y/N.

He typed Y.

The console whirred softly. The only light left was the sterile white of the overhead panels, reflecting off his goggles. He was alone in the bright, empty silence with the one variable he could never quantify: the hollow space where his understanding used to be.

In the hallway, Leo did not return to his post outside his door. He walked to the kitchen. Raph was there, slamming a pan onto the stove, a furious symphony of clattering metal.

“Well?” Raph grunted, not turning.

“It’s handled.”

“What’s that mean?” Raph cracked an egg with excessive force.

“It means he won’t go near Mikey again.”

Raph finally looked at him, searching for bruises, for a sign of conflict. He saw only Leo’s exhausted resolve. “And Mikey? What about what he needs?”

Leo leaned against the doorway, watching the egg white sizzle and bubble. “He needs to choose. Not between us. Between hiding and being seen.” He pushed off the frame. “I’m going to train. Tell him I’m in the dojo when he wakes up.”

“You’re just gonna be… waiting. Again.”

“Yes.”

Raph shook his head, turning back to the stove. “Craziest damn family.”

The dojo was never truly empty. It held the ghost-impressions of a thousand fights, a million repetitions. Leo stood in the center, not moving, his eyes closed. He was not meditating. He was listening. For the sound of a hesitant footstep. For the shift in the air that meant a decision was being made at the threshold.

He had honed the edge. Now he had to be still enough for the blade to be used.

Back in the lab, Donnie stared at the blank console. The erasure was complete. A void where a universe of data had been.

He reached into his lab coat pocket and pulled out the only physical artifact left: the voice recorder from the tunnel. He held it in his palm, a small, cold rectangle of plastic and memory.

His thumb pressed play.

Mikey’s voice, softened by the serum, filled the empty lab. “...you have to take a knife to something to understand it. Leo just has to pick it up.”

Donnie listened to the entire recording. To the confession he hadn’t been prepared to hear. When it ended, he didn’t play it again. He placed the recorder on the console, centered perfectly under the harsh light.

He picked up a small, heavy torque wrench from a nearby toolkit. He raised it.

He brought it down.

The plastic shattered with a sharp, satisfying crack. The sound echoed, a period at the end of his own sentence. He stood amidst the bright wreckage of his curiosity, the truth now just broken pieces at his feet, and wondered if this was what letting go felt like.

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