Chapter 1: A Harness of Trust
The Women's Nurture Wing smelled like lavender and warm milk, and Mae inhaled it like a prayer. She stood in the doorway with her canvas bag clutched to her chest, her thumbs rubbing against the worn fabric, and let the softness of the room wash over her. Plush pastel curtains hung in gentle folds along the walls, and shelves of stuffed animals watched her with glassy, patient eyes. Some were hand-stitched, their seams crooked with love. Others looked older than the building itself, passed down through generations of little ones who had sat in these very rocking chairs and learned what it meant to be held.
A row of rocking chairs swayed in a slow, rhythmic lull, their five-point harnesses clinking softly against the padded seats. The sound was a comfort. It always had been. When she was a girl, she would fall asleep to that sound, tucked into her mother's lap while the other women rocked and chatted and giggled in their gentle way. Now she was here. Twenty years old. Eligible for university. A grown woman.
She was still wearing her overalls. The denim was soft from years of washing, and beneath them, her diaper was thick and snug, a familiar pressure against her hips that grounded her more than any prayer could. She had changed into a fresh one before leaving home, smoothing the powder along her skin the way her mother had taught her, and now the padding felt like armor. Like proof that she belonged here. That she was ready.
"Mae, sweetheart. Come in, come in."
Elder Miriam's voice was a warm blanket, and when Mae looked up, she found the older woman already crossing the room toward her. She was plump and silver-haired, with kind eyes crinkled at the corners and a floral smock that billowed around her like a flag of comfort. Beneath it, Mae caught the unmistakable outline of a diaper, and somehow that made her feel even safer. Even more at home.
"I was so excited when I saw your name on the roster," Miriam said, pulling Mae into a hug that smelled like rosewater and baby powder. "I've known you since you were a squalling little thing, and now look at you. All grown up and ready to learn."
Mae laughed, the sound bubbling out of her before she could stop it. "I'm nervous, Elder Miriam."
"Of course you are, honey. That's part of the adventure." Miriam pulled back, holding Mae at arm's length and studying her face with a warmth that made Mae's cheeks flush. "But you don't need to be, not here. This is your home now. These women, they're your sisters. And I'm your mama away from home."
Mae felt a lump form in her throat. She blinked quickly, but a few tears escaped anyway, and Miriam cooed softly, cupping her cheek with a hand that was gentle and worn.
"Come on now, no crying yet. We have so much to do." Miriam took her hand and led her deeper into the room, past the rocking chairs and the shelves of stuffed animals, toward a corner where a large, overstuffed armchair sat like a throne. "First things first. Let's get you settled in your chair, and then we'll talk about your schedule."
Mae followed, her sneakers squeaking on the polished floor. The armchair was wide and welcoming, with thick cushions and armrests that looked like they had held a thousand little ones before her. A five-point harness hung over the back, its straps padded and soft, and Mae's heart fluttered at the sight of it.
"This is your chair," Miriam said, patting the cushion. "Every girl in the Nurture Wing has her own. This one has been here for a while, but it's been waiting for you, I think. Go on, sit down."
Mae hesitated. At home, she had a chair like this, but it was smaller and simpler. This one felt different. More important somehow. She stepped forward and turned, lowering herself into the cushion with a careful, deliberate grace. The padding crinkled beneath her, a familiar whisper, and she felt the diaper hug her hips as she settled into the seat.
"Good girl," Miriam said, her voice warm with approval. "Now, let's get those straps buckled."
Mae reached for the harness, but Miriam's hand gently stopped hers.
"Let me show you first, honey. It's a little different from what you're used to."
Mae nodded, dropping her hands to her lap. Miriam reached up and pulled the shoulder straps down, guiding them over Mae's shoulders and adjusting the buckles at her chest. The pads were soft against her collarbone, and Miriam's fingers were careful and practiced as she cinched them snug.
"Not too tight," Miriam murmured, more to herself than to Mae. "You want to feel held, not trapped. See how this one adjusts?"
She tugged on a buckle at Mae's side, and the strap loosened just a fraction. Mae let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding.
"There we go. Now the waist." Miriam gathered the two lower straps and brought them around Mae's middle, threading them through the buckle with a click that felt like a lock falling into place. She gave a light tug, testing the tension, and nodded. "Perfect."
The harness held her snugly, but not uncomfortably. Mae shifted experimentally, and the straps held her steady. The diaper crinkled beneath her, and the padding pressed against her in all the right ways, making her feel small and safe and cherished. She let out a soft, contented sigh and relaxed into the chair.
"How does that feel?" Miriam asked, stepping back to admire her work.
"Like home," Mae said, and she meant it.
Miriam's face softened, and she reached out to brush a stray curl from Mae's forehead. "I knew you were a special girl the moment I met you, Mae. You have a good heart. A pure one. And that purity is a gift. It's what will carry you through your studies here."
Mae felt warmth spread through her chest, starting somewhere in her ribs and blooming outward until it reached her fingers and toes. She had always been told she was special, but hearing it from Elder Miriam made it feel true in a way it never had before.
"Now," Miriam said, settling into a smaller chair beside Mae, one that didn't require a harness. She reached down and produced a small, ceramic cup with a lid. "I brought you something. A little treat for your first day."
She popped the lid off, and the scent of vanilla and honey drifted up. Mae's mouth watered. It was a warm bottle of milk, thick and creamy, the kind she hadn't had since she was a girl.
"I thought we could talk about the semester while you drink," Miriam continued, handing the bottle over. "Unless you'd prefer a pacifier first?"
Mae shook her head, already reaching for the bottle. The warmth seeped through her palms, and when she brought it to her lips, the milk was sweet and soothing, coating her throat like a balm. She drank deeply, and Miriam watched her with quiet approval.
"Your courses are all set," Miriam said, folding her hands in her lap. "Basics of Daily Hygiene, Pacifier Etiquette, Spiritual Foundations of Infant-like Trust. And of course, the practical component where you'll be paired with a mentor for hands-on care."
Mae lowered the bottle, her eyes bright. "When do I get my mentor?"
"Soon, honey. In a few days, once you've settled in and completed your orientation. But I have a feeling you'll be paired with someone wonderful. You have a brightness about you, Mae. People are drawn to it."
Mae flushed, taking another sip of milk to hide her smile. She thought about the university, about the boys she might meet, about the dream she had carried in her heart since she was a girl. She wanted to be a wife. A mother. She wanted to love and be loved with a devotion so deep it felt like worship.
And now she was one step closer.
"Do you have any questions for me?" Miriam asked gently. "Anything at all?"
Mae considered the question. There were so many things she wanted to know, so many uncertainties swirling in her head. But the harness was snug around her, and the milk was warm in her belly, and Elder Miriam was looking at her with such kindness that the questions felt far away.
"I think I'm ready," she said.
Miriam smiled, and it was the kind of smile that made Mae feel like she had already passed the test.
"Then let's begin. But first, let's get that empty bottle out of your hands and find a pacifier for you. The afternoon sun will be coming through those windows soon, and there's no better time for a quiet moment in the rocking chairs than a warm afternoon."
Mae handed over the empty bottle, and Miriam took it with a wink. She turned and crossed the room to a small drawer, pulling out a pacifier with a soft pink shield and a clear, glossy teat. She brought it back and held it out to Mae.
"Go on, sweetheart. You've earned it."
Mae reached for it, her fingers brushing against the cool plastic, and she brought it to her lips. The teat slipped into her mouth, a familiar weight on her tongue, and she sucked gently as the pacifier settled into place. The world softened around its edges. Her shoulders relaxed. Her eyelids grew heavy.
Miriam ran a hand through her hair, and Mae leaned into the touch, feeling loved and cared for in a way that made her chest ache with gratitude.
"There we go," Miriam murmured. "That's better, isn't it?"
Mae nodded, the pacifier bobbing gently between her lips. She was settled, harnessed, and held. A safety she had known and a comfort she had missed. She was exactly where she was supposed to be.
The afternoon sun crept in through the windows, spilling golden light across the floor. The rocking chairs swayed gently, their harnesses clinking a soft lullaby, and Mae let her eyes drift closed.
She was home.
And beyond the windows, just out of sight, a shadow stood in the parking lot, watching.