Chapter 1: The Unraveling
The kitchen light buzzed, a single dim bulb flickering against the deepening dusk. Shadows stretched and pooled on the scuffed linoleum. Kamin gripped the edge of the counter, the Formica cool and solid under his palms. He focused on that feeling, on the slow, deliberate tick of the wall clock, on anything but the man standing close enough for him to smell.
Paint. Turpentine. Whiskey. A scent that was entirely Jade.
“Does it hurt?” Jade’s voice was a low rumble in the quiet. His fingers, calloused and stained with indigo, brushed lightly over the edge of the fresh bandage taped to Kamin’s chest.
Kamin flinched. “It’s fine. Just a scratch from the ladder.”
“Hmm.” The sound was noncommittal, a vibration in the air between them. Jade didn’t move his hand. His thumb swept a slow, maddening arc just above the bandage, over the thin cotton of Kamin’s t-shirt. Kamin could feel the heat of it, a brand through the fabric.
His heart was doing something stupid and frantic against his ribs.
“Jade,” he started, his voice tight.
“You’re such a terrible liar, Kami.” Jade’s other hand came up, fingers under Kamin’s chin, tilting his face up. He’d had to look up at him for years. That hadn’t changed. Jade’s eyes were dark, full of that infuriating, knowing glint. The tiny silver hoop in his brow caught the shaky light. “You don’t have to pretend last night didn’t happen.”
Last night. The fundraiser. The crowded gallery. Too much cheap wine. Jade, pulling him into a storage closet, laughing about escaping some pompous critic. The close, dark space smelling of dust and Jade’s cologne. Then the laughter dying. The silence that wasn’t silent at all, but loud with waiting. Jade’s gaze dropping to his mouth.
And then the kiss.
It hadn’t been soft, or questioning. It was a claim. A hot, open-mouthed shock of a thing that tasted like wine and want. Kamin had frozen for a second, his whole body locking up, before some deep, hidden part of him unraveled. He’d kissed back. Hungrily. Desperately. For one terrifying, glorious minute, he’d let himself have it.
Then he’d shoved Jade away and bolted.
“It was a mistake,” Kamin said now, the words ash in his mouth. He tried to look away, but Jade’s grip on his chin was firm.
“Bullshit.”
“I’m not— I’m not like you, Jade.”
“I know exactly what you’re like.” Jade’s hand left his chin, but the relief was short-lived. It trailed down his side, skimming the baggy fabric of his work pants, coming to rest on his hip. His thumb dug into the dip there, a point of intense, focused pressure. “You’re the guy who fixes my studio stairs without being asked. You’re the guy who remembers how I take my coffee. You’re the guy who kissed me like he was fucking starving for it.”
Kamin’s breath hitched. The hand on his hip slid lower, palming the curve of his ass through the worn denim. He jerked, but Jade held him fast, pushing him firmly back against the counter’s edge. The hard line of the laminate bit into his back.
“Stop thinking,” Jade murmured, dipping his head. His lips grazed the shell of Kamin’s ear. “For once in your goddamn life, just feel.”
His mouth found Kamin’s, and this time there was no hesitation, no pause for permission. It was all demand. Jade licked into his mouth, hot and slick, and a broken sound crawled up Kamin’s throat. He’d been fighting this, fighting himself, for twenty-four hours. The denial unraveled, fast and complete. His hands came up, fisting in the soft black cotton of Jade’s shirt. He kissed back, all teeth and clashing tongues, a surge of pure need.
Jade made a satisfied, rough noise against his mouth. The hand on his ass squeezed, pulling their hips together. Kamin felt it then—the hard, unmistakable press of Jade’s cock against his own. A jolt of pure, white-hot electricity shot down his spine.
“See?” Jade breathed, tearing his mouth away to bite at Kamin’s jaw, his throat. “You want this. You want me.”
Kamin couldn’t speak. He could only pant, his head falling back as Jade mouthed at the sensitive skin of his neck. He was hard, painfully so, the rough denim of his jeans becoming a torment. Jade’s hands were everywhere, pulling his shirt up, shoving it out of the way. Cool air hit his stomach, followed by the scorching spread of Jade’s palm over his abs.
“Always hiding under these baggy fucking clothes,” Jade muttered, his voice thick with want. He yanked the shirt up higher, over Kamin’s head, and tossed it aside. His gaze was heavy, possessive. “Look at you.”
Kamin felt exposed, seen in a way that made his skin prickle. Jade’s stained fingers traced the lines of his muscles, the faded scar on his shoulder, the trail of hair leading down from his navel. He followed that trail, popping the button of Kamin’s jeans, dragging the zipper down in one rough pull.
The sound was obscenely loud.
Jade didn’t pause. He shoved the jeans and boxers down over Kamin’s hips, freeing his cock. It sprang up, thick and flushed, against his stomach. Jade wrapped his hand around it, a rough, dry stroke that made Kamin’s knees buckle.
“Fuck, Jade—”
“I know,” Jade said, and then he was sinking to his knees on the linoleum.
The sight was surreal. Jade, with his artful tattoos and defiant eyes, on his knees in Kamin’s shitty kitchen. Before Kamin could process it, Jade’s mouth was on him. A hot, wet, overwhelming heat sheathed him completely. Kamin cried out, his head thudding back against the cupboard door. His hands flew to Jade’s head, fingers tangling in the dark, messy strands.
Jade sucked him deep, his tongue swirling around the head before sinking down again, taking him to the root. He was messy, greedy, no finesse, just pure animal hunger. The wet, slurping sounds filled the kitchen, mingling with Kamin’s ragged groans. He fucked into that hot mouth, his hips stuttering, completely lost to the sensation. Pleasure coiled, tight and urgent, in his gut.
“Wait… I’m gonna…” he choked out.
Jade pulled off with a wet pop, his own breathing ragged. His lips were swollen, slick. “Not yet.” He surged to his feet, his own jeans already open, his cock in his hand. It was long, flushed, a faint trail of ink swirling up from his hip. “Turn around,” he panted, spinning Kamin by the shoulders.
Kamin obeyed, bracing his forearms on the counter, staring down at his own white-knuckled hands. He heard the tear of a foil packet, the slick sound of Jade slicking himself up. Then Jade was pressing against him, his chest hot against Kamin’s bare back.
“This okay?” Jade’s voice was rough in his ear. It wasn’t really a question.
“Yes.” The word was a gasp.
Jade’s hand guided himself, the blunt head of his cock pressing against Kamin’s entrance. He pushed. There was a burn, a sharp, stretching ache as the thick crown breached him. Kamin gritted his teeth, a guttural sound escaping him.
“Shh, I’ve got you,” Jade murmured, but he didn’t stop. He pushed in deeper, an inexorable, filling stretch until he was fully sheathed, his hips flush against Kamin’s ass.
For a moment, they were still, joined, breathing in ragged unison. The intimacy of it was sharper than the burn. Jade pressed a kiss to the nape of Kamin’s neck. Then he moved.
He set a brutal, fast pace from the start, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in. The counter rattled with each thrust. Kamin was past pain, lost in a dizzying avalanche of sensation—the feverish slide of skin on skin, the filthy, wet sounds of their joining, the raw grunt that tore from Jade’s throat with every drive of his hips.
“You feel so fucking good,” Jade snarled, one hand gripping Kamin’s hip hard enough to bruise, the other wrapping around his cock, stroking him in time with his thrusts. “Tighter than I dreamed.”
Kamin was being unraveled, pulled apart. Each slam of Jade’s hips knocked a broken noise from his lungs. The pleasure built, a devastating pressure. He was a live wire, everything focused on where their bodies were joined, on the rough, perfect friction of Jade’s hand on his cock.
“Jade… I’m…”
“Come for me, Kami.” The command was a hot breath against his sweat-slicked skin. “Come on my cock.”
It shattered him. His orgasm roared up from his toes, a convulsive, blinding wave that tore through him. He shouted, fucking his come into Jade’s fist and onto the cabinet below as his body clamped down around the hard length inside him.
The violent contraction tipped Jade over the edge. With a final, deep thrust, he buried himself and came, a raw groan ripped from his chest as he pulsed his release deep inside.
They slumped together over the counter, a mess of sweat and come and shaky limbs. The only sounds were their labored breathing and the relentless, indifferent tick of the clock. The flickering light danced over their spent bodies.
Jade softened, slipped out. He rested his forehead between Kamin’s shoulder blades, his breath hot. Kamin’s mind, blank with pleasure, began to sputter back to life. The reality of what they’d just done—where they’d done it—crashed over him in a cold wave.
He felt raw. Exposed. Used and utterly, completely seen.
Jade pressed a soft, unexpected kiss to his spine. “Okay?” he asked, his voice quiet now.
Kamin didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He just stared at his own reflection in the dark window over the sink, at the shadows of the two entangled men in the glass, and felt the world he knew crack straight down the middle.
The kiss on his spine was a brand. It lingered, a point of searing heat in the chilling aftermath. Kamin’s breaths began to steady, each one fogging a tiny circle on the dark glass. He watched the haze form and vanish, form and vanish.
Jade’s arms loosened, but didn’t let go. He nuzzled the space between Kamin’s shoulder blades, a shockingly tender gesture for what had just happened. “Hey,” he murmured again, his voice raspy. “You in there?”
Kamin didn’t know who ‘in there’ was anymore. The man who’d just gotten railed over his own kitchen counter wasn’t anyone he recognized. He straightened up slowly, his body feeling used and strangely loose. The cool air hit the mess on his stomach, making him shudder.
He needed space. Now.
He pulled away, the movement clumsy. He fumbled for his boxers and jeans, yanking them up over his hips, hiding himself. The denim felt abrasive against his sensitized skin. He couldn’t look at Jade.
“That was…” Kamin started, but his voice died. Incredible. Terrifying. A mistake. None of the words fit.
“It was fucking inevitable,” Jade finished for him. He leaned back against the opposite counter, casual as anything, tucking himself away and zipping his jeans. His eyes never left Kamin. They were dark, watchful, tracing every twitch of Kamin’s face.
Kamin finally chanced a glance. Jade’s hair was wrecked, his lips reddened. He looked satisfied. Completely at ease in his own skin, even now. It made anger spark in Kamin’s chest, hot and sudden.
“This doesn’t change anything,” Kamin said, the words scraping out.
Jade let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “Are you serious? It changes everything, you idiot.”
“I’m not gay.” The declaration sounded weak, even to him. A pathetic line drawn in sand already washed away.
“Okay.” Jade pushed off the counter and took a step forward. Kamin took an instinctive step back, hitting the edge of the table. “You’re not gay. You just let a man fuck you until you screamed. You just came harder than I’ve ever seen you come. Semantics, Kamin. We’re talking about physics.”
“Stop it.”
“Why? Why do I have to stop?” Jade was in front of him now, crowding him again. The heat of him, the smell of sex and salt and Jade was overwhelming. “You wanted it. You still want it. Your hands are shaking.”
Kamin looked down. They were. He balled them into fists. “It was just… a thing. A release.”
“A thing,” Jade repeated, his voice dropping low and dangerous. He reached out, pressing his palm flat against the front of Kamin’s jeans. Kamin jolted. He was half-hard again already, traitorously responding to the proximity. Jade’s fingers rubbed slowly, exerting a crude, delicious pressure. “This feels like more than a thing to me.”
“Jade, don’t.”
“Don’t what? Tell me what to don’t.” His hand cupped Kamin fully, squeezing. “Don’t touch you? You love when I touch you. Don’t want you? That ship has fucking sailed, darling. It’s at the bottom of the ocean.”
His other hand came up, gripping the back of Kamin’s neck, forcing his head down until their foreheads nearly touched. Jade’s gaze was unyielding. “I have waited,” he said, each word a bitten-off bullet, “for years. Watching you hide in those fucking clothes. Watching you date those boring women. Watching you pretend you don’t see me. Last night, you finally showed me. And now? Now you don’t get to take it back. You don’t get to hide from me.”
Kamin’s resistance was crumbling, the scaffolding of his denial buckling under the raw truth in Jade’s voice. He was tired. So tired of fighting this unnamed thing that had lived in his chest for as long as he’d known Jade.
A low whimper escaped him. He let his forehead rest against Jade’s, closing his eyes. It was a surrender. Small, but definitive.
Jade sensed it instantly. The grip on his neck softened, became almost a caress. The hand on his cock stilled. “Tell me,” Jade whispered. “One honest thing. Just one.”
Kamin swallowed. The words were there, shameful and true. “I can’t stop thinking about it,” he breathed out, the confession tearing something inside him. “About last night. About… your mouth.”
Jade’s breath hitched. A thrilling, powerful sound. He owned that confession. He’d mined it from the depths.
“Yeah?” Jade’s lips brushed his as he spoke. “What about my mouth?”
“I dreamed about it.” The admission was even quieter, almost inaudible. “I woke up hard and confused and fucking furious.”
The noise Jade made was pure hunger. He captured Kamin’s mouth in a searing, possessive kiss, all tongue and teeth and claiming pressure. It was different from before—less frantic, more deliberate. It was a promise.
He walked Kamin backward, through the doorway, out of the harsh kitchen light and into the dim hall. Kamin went blindly, his mouth attached to Jade’s, his hands finally coming up to clutch at Jade’s shoulders. They stumbled into the bedroom, a small room dominated by a large, unruly bed.
Jade broke the kiss only to shove him down onto the mattress. Kamin bounced once, looking up, his chest heaving. Jade stood at the foot of the bed, peeling his own shirt off, his eyes gleaming in the slatted light from the streetlamp outside. The tattoos on his torso—a spiraling galaxy, a line of script, a bold floral piece—seemed to move with the muscle underneath.
“Those clothes,” Jade said, his voice thick. “Off. Now. I want to see all of you.”
This time, Kamin didn’t hesitate. He pushed his jeans and boxers down his legs, kicked them off. He lay back, exposed, his cock full and aching against his stomach. He felt vulnerable, but the wild look in Jade’s eyes wasn’t one of judgment. It was of ravenous appreciation.
Jade crawled onto the bed, a predatory, graceful movement. He settled between Kamin’s spread legs, his hands running up the insides of Kamin’s thighs, pushing them wider. He just looked for a long moment, his gaze a physical touch.
“Perfect,” he muttered, more to himself than to Kamin. Then he leaned down.
He didn’t go for Kamin’s cock. He bypassed it entirely, his mouth landing instead on the sharp jut of Kamin’s hip bone. He laved it, then bit down, not hard enough to break skin, but enough to make Kamin gasp and arch off the bed. Jade soothed the spot with his tongue, then moved lower, mouthing along the crease of his thigh, nipping at the sensitive skin there. He was mapping him, claiming every inch.
“Jade… please…”
“Please what?” Jade’s breath was hot against his inner thigh, so close to where he needed him.
“You know what.”
“I want to hear you say it.” Jade looked up, his chin resting on Kamin’s thigh. “I want you to ask for it.”
Kamin’s face burned. He’d never begged for anything in his life. But the ache between his legs was a pounding, relentless demand. He swallowed his pride. It tasted bitter, and sweet.
“Suck me,” he said, his voice rough. “Please.”
A victorious smile spread across Jade’s face. “Since you asked so nicely.”
He took Kamin in his mouth in one slow, devastating slide. This time was different from the kitchen. It wasn’t frenzied. It was deep, practiced, and obscenely thorough. Jade worked him with a sinful rhythm, one hand wrapped around the base, the other sliding underneath to cup his balls, rolling them gently. His tongue did things, swirling and pressing, that made sparks fly behind Kamin’s eyelids.
Kamin twisted his hands in the sheets. His hips lifted off the mattress, driving himself deeper into that wet, perfect heat. “God… right there… don’t stop…”
Jade hummed, the vibration travelling straight up Kamin’s spine. He picked up the pace, his head bobbing, his cheeks hollowed. The slick, wet sounds filled the dark room. Kamin was hurtling toward the edge again, the coil winding impossibly tight.
“I’m close, I’m gonna—”
Jade pulled off, a string of saliva connecting his lips to the swollen head of Kamin’s cock. He was breathing hard, his own need evident in the flush on his chest, in the hard line of his cock straining against his jeans. “Not yet,” he panted. “Not until I’m inside you again.”
He scrambled off the bed, yanking his jeans down, freeing himself. He grabbed a condom from his discarded wallet, sheathing himself with quick, efficient movements. He found the lube in Kamin’s nightstand—a half-used bottle, a relic from a past life. Jade poured a generous amount, coating himself, slicking his fingers.
He didn’t ask this time. He pushed Kamin’s legs back up, exposing him completely. One slick finger pressed, circled, and then pushed inside. Kamin tensed for a second, then forced himself to relax, to accept the probing, stretching sensation. A second finger joined the first, scissoring, preparing him. It was clinical and intimate at the same time, and Kamin’s breath came in short gasps.
“Ready?” Jade’s voice was strained, the control starting to fray.
“Yes. Now. Do it now.”
Jade removed his fingers and positioned himself. The blunt pressure was back, more familiar now, but no less intense. He pushed forward, his eyes locked on Kamin’s. The stretch was exquisite, a full, burning completeness that stole the air from Kamin’s lungs.
When he was fully seated, he stilled, trembling with the effort. Sweat beaded on his forehead. “Look at me,” he demanded.
Kamin forced his eyes open, meeting Jade’s fierce gaze.
“This is me,” Jade said, his voice raw. “This is us. This is real.”
Then he began to move. This wasn’t the frantic pace of the kitchen. This was deeper, slower, more devastating. Each thrust was a calculated penetration, hitting a spot that made Kamin see stars. Jade braced himself on one arm, the other hand tangling in Kamin’s hair, keeping his face turned up, forcing him to take every second of it.
“You’re mine,” Jade grunted, driving into him. “You have been for years. You’re just finally fucking admitting it.”
The words should have chafed. Instead, they felt like a key turning in a long-locked door. Kamin’s legs came up, wrapping around Jade’s back, pulling him deeper. He met each thrust, their bodies slapping together in a rhythm that was pure Need.
“Say it,” Jade urged, his rhythm becoming punishing, breaking down the last walls. “Who do you belong to right now?”
The organic couldn’t be stopped. It tore from Kamin’s core, a ragged, truthful scream. “You! Fuck… I’m yours, Jade!”
The admission unleashed them both. Jade’s control shattered. He fucked into Kamin with a final, wild abandon, his own climax roaring through him with a choked-off shout. The violent pulsing deep inside set Kamin off. His orgasm ripped through him, blinding and total, painting streaks across his own stomach and chest with shuddering, endless waves.
Jade collapsed on top of him, a boneless weight. They were both slick with sweat, panting, utterly ruined. The room smelled of sex and skin and truth.
A long time passed, just the sound of their breathing. Jade finally shifted, disposing of the condom before collapsing back beside him, not touching, but close. The silence now was different. It wasn’t tense. It was charged, fragile.
Kamin stared at the water stain on his ceiling, the familiar shape he’d traced a thousand nights trying to fall asleep. It looked different now. Everything did.
Jade’s finger traced a random line through the mess on Kamin’s stomach. “So,” he said, his voice soft, almost hesitant. A tone Kamin rarely heard. “You’re not gay, huh?”
A laugh bubbled up in Kamin’s chest, unexpected and sharp. It broke free, sounding slightly unhinged. Jade turned his head on the pillow, a slow smile spreading across his face.
Kamin kept laughing, the sound tinged with hysteria and relief, until it dissolved into a quiet, dazed sigh. He didn’t answer. He just turned his head and met Jade’s waiting eyes. In the dim light, he saw no smug victory, only a quiet, fierce hope. It was that, more than anything else, that finally made the cracked world inside him feel not broken, but remade.