Chapter 1: Introduction
Monica had had a lot of time to think in the airport. Perhaps too much time.
She had fidgeted through the security line, rushed through the duty-free shops and then sat on the tarmac for hours on the plane due to some technical issue with the vessel. She did not enjoy flying. On a map it looked like something she would enjoy but she felt paralyzed and the large plane filled with whispers and chatter was not doing much to ease her anxiety. Her last relationship had been a lot like the airplane experience. Monica had been happy to leave. He had been a comfortable couch. She had been cozy on that couch for a long time. The kind of couch that you can nap on the entire day and feel safe in. She had been too comfortable with him to realize she was not happy with him.
They had had a sad, sad ending to a 10 year relationship. But the last year of their relationship had been a wall of silence. She had felt too large to touch him. When she had looked at him at the end she had felt like she was squeezing her body into a space it no longer fit in. But there had been a comfort to that. A comfort she was certain was not worth exploring. So when the flight attendant called out the final board for her flight to Australia. She felt like she was boarding an opportunity she did not know existed for her. She had not ever known what she was missing when she had been with him. She had been too afraid to even know what she was missing.
There was an inkling of a feeling inside her. A small spark of curiosity that was nestled deep down inside her. She knew this because she had longed to escape the backyard of her comfort. She had wanted more than what she knew she could feel. And that was the problem. She had always known she was wanted but she had always felt like she was not attractive. She had a longing for men to look at her. To want to touch her, hold her close to their bodies. She wanted to be desired. She had been with him, and she knew she was never unwanted, but she also knew that he did not want her. This made her stay. But, there was an excitement in the air now.
She had chosen the window seat, of course. She liked to watch the world from a safe distance. She would watch the bustle of the world from a distance. The flight attendant had tried to persuade her to take the aisle seat. They had chatted for a while before Monica had settled on the window seat. The flight attendant had tapped Monica on the shoulder and then she had felt the glow of the rising sun on her face. Her heart had stopped for a moment and she had thought about the newness and the possibility of a new beginning. The weight of her body and the awkwardness of her large body familiar to her.
She wanted to think this was a new start. She had seen a comment on a blog about Australia that had said Australia was "like rock n roll". She had found this curious because she thought Australia was a place of beaches and forests.But she soon realized that this was not the kind of beach where the men played beach volleyball and she had no idea what she was going to do. She had not even been to a beach in a long time. She had been too busy working and at the end of her relationship had been too busy finding reasons to stay busy so she would not feel the loneliness.
The rumble of the engines was reassuring, a steady rhythm that seemed to say, "You're on your way, Monica.
You're really doing this." She turned her head to look out the window, watching as the ground crew scurried about like ants, their movements tiny and insignificant from her height. The city lights were still on, a glittering blanket of stars that she knew would be gone in a matter of minutes. She wanted to burn this view into her memory, a moment of pure possibility.
As the plane taxied to the runway, Monica felt a nudge at her elbow. She turned to see a woman with short, spiky blonde hair and a grin that could light up the cabin. "First time to Australia?" the woman asked, her accent a singsong that Monica could only assume was Australian.
Her tone was light, and her eyes sparkled with curiosity. Monica nodded, trying to hide her nervousness with a smile. "Yes, it is. I've never even been out of the States before this."
The woman stuck out her hand, "I'm Kelly. I'm from Melbourne. Well, technically I'm from Sydney now but I hate to admit that. I moved a few years ago."
Monica shook her hand, feeling the warmth of her fingers. "I'm Monica. Nice to meet you."
Kelly leaned back in her seat, her eyes never leaving Monica's face. "So, what brings you to Australia, Monica?
Work or play?" Kelly's gaze was direct, but her tone was casual, inviting conversation rather than interrogation.
Monica hesitated, her fingers tracing the edge of her seatbelt. "Play, I think. I needed a change of scenery, a fresh start." She shrugged, trying to keep her voice light. "I just got out of a long-term relationship, and I felt like I needed to explore a bit. Get out of my comfort zone."
Kelly's eyebrows shot up. "A fresh start, huh? Australia's the place for that.
Now, let me give you the lay of the land, love." Kelly leaned in, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "First things first, Aussie men are different. They're friendly, laid-back, and they'll chat you up without a second thought. But don't go falling for the first bloke who buys you a pint, yeah?"
Monica laughed, the sound bubbling up from deep within her chest. It was a delightful sound. "I don't think that will be a problem. I'm more of a stay-in-and-read-a-book kind of girl, really."
Kelly raised an eyebrow but only teased, "With a face like yours, ok.
You should at least try to have some fun in Australia.
I’m not encouraging you to go crazy, but you can always find me if you are trying to escape a drunk Australian man. They are harmless but you can still be left with a headache."
Kelly grinned, her eyes twinkling with mischief. She waved one hand to get the attention of the flight attendant.
I need some water" she said. Telling Monica to sit still and relax. The flight attendant nodded and rushed off and Kelly turned back to Monica, "She is new to the airline company. But she is ok." Monica smiled at the direction of the talk. The conversation felt easy and the usual awkwardness of meeting a stranger was not there.
Monica had a feeling that her time in Australia would be easier than she could ever imagine. Kelly returned her gaze to Monica, her expression serious for a moment. "You know, it's okay to feel a bit out of your depth when you're on new ground. I know you are anxious. You have had a huge change in your life but you will be fine.
I have been there too and I understand the feeling of self-doubt and the feeling of anxiety. But you need to feel everything, experience everything, because you would never get this opportunity again. " Kelly's eyes had a gentle softness in them but the words were strong. Monica nodded, feeling a lump form in her throat.
She appreciated Kelly's blunt honesty, the way she cut through the awkwardness and got straight to the point. She felt a warmth in her cheeks, a mixture of embarrassment and excitement. She wanted to give herself permission to feel everything. She wanted to give herself permission to be free, to have new experiences, to explore the world with a new lustful curiosity. "I think I needed to hear that," Monica admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I've been so focused on what's safe and comfortable, I've forgotten how to take risks."
Kelly reached out and squeezed Monica's hand, her grip firm and reassuring. "Well, consider this your wake-up call, love.
Australia's a bloody big country, and there's a lot to explore," Kelly said, her voice laced with excitement.
Monica could not keep her eyes from Kelly's eyes.
As the plane ascended, Monica felt a flutter in her stomach, a mix of nerves and anticipation. She turned to look out the window, watching as the city shrunk away, replaced by vast expanses of blue sky and fluffy clouds. She felt Kelly's gaze on her, warm and comforting.
"Men are different here," Kelly continued, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "They're more direct, more open. But they're also more respectful, you know?
They won't mess you around if you don't want them to. And if you do, well, they'll know how to treat you right." Kelly winked, a playful glint in her eye. I'm sure you will find yourself in situations you will be reluctant to leave." Monica laughed, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. "I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of adventure," she admitted, her voice softening to a smile. "Well, you've got plenty of time to figure it out.
Australia's a big place, and there's no rush.
Just promise me you'll at least try to have some fun, yeah?
Life's too short to be stuck in your head. If you are going to figure out your sexuality this is the place to be."
Kelly's eyes sparkled with a mix of curiosity and encouragement. Monica felt a jolt of surprise. She had not yet considered Australia as a place to explore her sexuality. She had always felt that she was a little too big, a little too awkward, to ever be desirable. Sure, she had had sex with her ex, but it had always felt more like a chore than something she enjoyed. She wondered if there had been something missing in her past relationship. She wondered if she had not been in a relationship she would not have acted on her urges.
She had always been curious about how it would feel to be with another woman. She turned to Kelly. A woman who was a new experience. Someone new and exciting. She did not know what she was thinking but it seemed like Kelly was waiting for her to ask the question. She felt a bit of reluctance in her voice. I have been with a man before. I feel you want to tell me something but I am not sure what you want to tell me.
The flight attendant returned with a glass of water for Kelly. Kelly nodded at the flight attendant, who had a curious look on her face but said nothing. She said nothing but Monica felt like she had something to say.
She knew that Kelly wanted to tell her something. Kelly's eyes were warm and encouraging. Monica felt a voice inside her head that was telling her to let go of her anxiety and explore the world. Kelly was the embodiment of the world she wanted to explore. The plane was quiet and Monica felt a comfortable warmth as she looked at Kelly.
She had no idea what was happening, but she knew she wanted to know. She knew she had to know. Kelly took a sip of her water and then placed it on the table that was in front of her. She settled back in her seat and crossed her legs. Her eyes were still warm but her smile was warm as well.