Chapter 1: Introduction
The neon lights of the city blurred into a kaleidoscope of colors as I stumbled onto the warm, cracked pavement of the sidewalk. I had always found the nightlife of our town to be intoxicating, but tonight it felt like a cruel joke. The glitz and glamour of the Strip were a stark contrast to the emptiness I felt growing inside me. I thought about my night, what had happened in the last couple of hours.
The cards, the dice, the endless stream of whiskey. I had started off strong, or so I told myself, but everything had gone south quickly. It always did. The same old story, the same old regret.
I thought for a second how high a tower would reach, if I would stack all the chips I'd lost in the last year. Probably touch the sky, maybe even higher. But that was the thing with gambling, wasn't it? It made you think of the dizzying heights, but it was all smoke and mirrors, nothing but a cloud of dust under your feet.
My drunk mind could not comprehend the weight of it all. What it would mean for me. For my relationship. My amazing relationship with Feli, the love of my life. The one person who should never ever learn about my addiction and my crippling debt.
I thought about her, Feli, her warm smile, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed, the soft curves of her body that fit perfectly into mine. I shuddered, the cold night air prickling my skin, as I thought about the lies I'd been living, the secrets I'd been keeping.
When reality hit me the cold air cleared my drunk mind for a moment, I barfed into a nearby bush, the smell of cheap whiskey and disappointment filling my nostrils. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, trying to pull myself together as best as I could.
I was just about to step away from the bush, when I heard a soft, throaty laugh behind me. I turned around, almost losing my balance again. Standing there, his arms crossed over his chest, was Carl.
Carl, with his slicked-back hair and a grin that screamed trouble, was the last person I wanted to see right now. But there he was, leaning against a lamppost, looking like the cat that had caught the canary.
"Delvin, Delvin, Delvin," he tsked, shaking his head. "You're a mess, man. A real mess."
I straightened up, squaring my shoulders, trying to look like I had a shred of dignity left. "What do you want, Carl?"
He pushed off the lamppost and sauntered towards me, his boots clicking on the pavement.
I could see the smirk on his face, even in the dim light. "You know what I want, Delvin," he said, his voice low, dangerous. "I want my money."
I scoffed, trying to hide the nervousness creeping into my voice. "I told you, I'll get it to you by the end of the week."
Carl chuckled, a sound that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. "The end of the week? Delvin, my friend, that was last week." He leaned in closer, his breath hot on my face. "You're running out of time, Delvin. And not just with me, you know?" Carl's voice was low, a sinister whisper that made my stomach churn. "You're not the only one who's been betting on your luck, Delvin. You think you're special? You're not. You're just another gambler with a problem."
I took a step back, putting some distance between us. I didn't want to look weak, but I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, the blood rushing in my ears. "I said I'll get the money, Carl. Don’t make a show. Just give me some time."
He laughed again, a harsh sound that echoed through the empty street. „Oh I will give you a show alright my friend. Get it together man.“. With these words and a pat on the back, he disappeared into the night. Leaving me feeling even more shitty and barfing again until I finally reached my home. The streetlights flickered above me, casting long, eerie shadows as I fumbled with my keys. I could feel the weight of Carl's words like a lead weight in my gut. Time was running out, and I had no idea what I was going to do.
The apartment was dark and quiet, which meant Feli wasn't home yet. She had been working late all week, planning some big event for one of her clients. I was grateful for the extra time, but it also meant I had to be extra careful. I couldn't have her finding out about my gambling, not now, not ever.
I stumbled into the living room, the familiar surroundings doing little to comfort me.
I collapsed onto the couch, the leather creaking under my weight. The apartment was immaculate, a testament to Feli's keen eye for detail. Everything was in its place, from the framed photos of us on the mantelpiece to the crisp, white throw pillows scattered across the couch. It was a stark contrast to the chaos that was my life outside these walls.
The liquor cabinet in the corner caught my eye, and I groaned, knowing I shouldn't, but needing it all the same. I poured myself a glass of whiskey, the amber liquid swirling in the glass as I nursed it, trying to still my shaking hands.
I leaned back against the couch, the alcohol burning a slow path down my throat, momentarily numbing the fear and guilt that had been gnawing at me all night.
The clock on the wall ticked away the seconds, each one a reminder of the debt that was hanging over my head like a slowly descending guillotine. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on anything but the mess I'd made of my life.
The sound of the front door opening brought me back to reality. I looked up, my heart pounding in my chest as Feli stepped into the apartment.
She was a vision, even after a long day of work. Her brown hair was piled on top of her head, a few loose strands framing her face, and her eyes were tired but kind. She was carrying a large bag from the deli down the street, and the smell of garlic and tomatoes filled the air.
"Hey, you," she said, smiling at me. "Thought you'd be asleep by now."
I forced a smile, trying to hide the turmoil inside me. "Couldn't sleep," I said, holding up my glass of whiskey. "Insurance."
She raised an eyebrow but didn't push.
Feli knew I had a rough time with stress, especially with work. She didn't need to know the real reason behind my sleepless nights.
"I got us some food," she said, setting the bag down on the kitchen counter. "Thought you might be hungry."
The thought of food turned my stomach, but I nodded anyway. "Thanks, babe. I'll eat later."
She looked at me, concern etched on her face. "You sure? You look like you could use a good meal."
I waved her off, trying to act normal. "I'm fine, really.