Chapter 4: Climax
James stood there for a moment longer after their encounter had ended, his breath coming in short gasps as he tried to catch his bearings. The room around him was still filled with their combined scent—the tangy musk of sweat mixed with something sweeter he couldn't quite place—and he could feel Kenna's body heat lingering on his skin.
He looked down at himself—the state of undress glaringly obvious—and sighed internally at his own lack of control. "Kenna, I, I don't want you to make it up to me. You felt amazing but, I don't want that kind of love."
Kenna scoffed, "that wasn't love it was just sex. And pretty damn good sex if you ask me. God you hit me just right."
"your right, It wasn't love. That's the problem.
That's exactly what worries me about us." I ran a hand through my sweat-dampened hair as I tried desperately to avoid eye contact with Kenna.
Her gaze softened slightly as she regarded him quietly for several moments before speaking again.
"You're scared James." She stated simply.
He looked up sharply at her words.
Your fucking right I'm scared, I thought I had control over my urges and you shatter that control! I took a step closer to her, my eyes burning with a predatory hunger. Kenna I'm dangerous with out control, you know the first time you told me to pull out I thought it would serve you right to ignore you for waiting till the last second. all i knew I needed to cum an i was happy to let you deal with the consequences."
I growled low in my throat as I stepped closer still until we were practically chest to chest.
Kenna didn't flinch or back down instead she held my gaze steady and unblinking. "You wouldn't have done it," she said confidently.
I raised an eyebrow surprised by her certainty. "And why not?"
"Because you're not that kind of man," she replied simply.
I let out a harsh laugh devoid of any humor. "You don't know anything about me Kenna."
She shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe not but I know enough."
I shook my head in disbelief.
"You're wrong about me, Kenna. You don't know what I'm capable of."
She smirked at me, clearly enjoying our banter. "Oh really? Then enlighten me, James. Tell me all about your dark past and how dangerous you truly are."
My eyes flashed and pushed her against the wall, "you have no idea. I've never killed but I've come so close. It could have gone the other way in a fraction of a second. And that is something I didn't want. If you think I didn't want to pump the hot sticky stuff deep inside you you are very very wrong."
James growled low in his throat as he pressed his body against hers trapping her against the wall.
Kenna swallowed hard but didn't back down from his challenge instead she met his gaze head-on. "Then why didn't you? You had every opportunity."
James' eyes flashed with anger at the accusation in her voice but he didn't raise his voice instead he spoke through gritted teeth. "you got lucky. When you said 'control' I saw the woman from the meditation exercises and for a split second... she was you." I said as I released her from my grip.
Taking a step back, I ran a hand through my hair again trying to regain some semblance of control over myself.
Kenna watched me warily, her breath still coming in short gasps as she tried to calm herself down.
"You're right," I admitted grudgingly after a moment of silence. "I didn't want to hurt you or get you pregnant."
She nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving mine.
"But that doesn't change the fact that I lost control," I continued, my voice tight with frustration.
Kenna sighed and pushed herself off the wall, stepping closer to me.
"James get dressed we have a lot of work to do. We are going to get you control. And I owe you an explanation. I wanted it to be mechanical because I needed to separate the emotions I was feeling from the physical act. I wanted to fuck my way past the fact that I was feeling a connection. It was stupid and wrong and I'm sorry... fuck, I sure seem to apologize to you a lot. how do you get inside my armor so easily?!? it's like everything time I try to push you away you use that damn stepping method and I'm on my back again!" Kenna growled in frustration.
'You make everything so damn difficult,' she muttered under breath.
'Maybe,' James replied smoothly while bending down picking up his clothes from where he had thrown them earlier during their impromptu session 'but maybe it’s worth it.'
'Worth it?' Kenna echoed skeptically.
'Yeah,' James continued standing up straight again 'without this difficulty we would never have gotten here.'
'Gotten here?' Kenna raised an eyebrow.
"And where exactly is 'here', James?"
I shrugged nonchalantly as I began pulling on my gi pants, "Here is where we're honest with each other about what we want and what we're afraid of."
She snorted derisively, "And what makes you think I'm afraid of anything?"
I gave her a pointed look as I fastened my belt.
"Don't play dumb, Kenna. You're scared of letting people in, of being vulnerable. You've built walls around yourself so high that no one can climb them."
Kenna crossed her arms over her chest, her expression defensive. "Apearant there is one asshole that can climb them pretty well. And what about you, James? You're so busy trying to protect everyone else that you won't let anyone get close to you."
I sighed, running a hand through my hair again. "You're right. But that's different."
She raised an eyebrow. "How so?"
I hesitated for a moment before answering honestly. "In my case it's for their own good."
"how noble. fine I have a deal for you. I'll train you and you train me like I said but if I can should you a real technique that you can't match we drop this cowardly bullshit and see what this is between us because the man in my meditation... the one that is my safe space... he was you too." she finished in a almost meek tone.
Her cheeks flushed pink as she spoke.
The room fell silent for several moments before i spoke again.
"That's only fair," I said gruffly.
Kenna nodded slowly.
"So we have an agreement then?"
"We do."
The tension between us broke slightly with Kenna's words.
"So when do we start?" James asked.
"You seem eager."
"I'm just ready," I replied honestly.
"Alright then," Kenna said with a smirk. she took a stance I had never seen and seemed impractical then after some quick stretches she gracefully reached her hands into the air and raise to her tiptoes.
"really ballerina shit?!?"
"I'm not done you. she raised slightly higher and I saw that she wasn't just standing on her tip toes but had raised to her toe tips. "wha? how is that even possible!?!"
I exclaimed in awe.
Kenna grinned at him mischievously before dropping back down onto flat feet with ease.
"It's just a ballet trick," she informed me smugly. "one you can't match."
I laughed, "well you sure as hell got me on that one! I not even going to try that! but I'll tell you something, I didn't want to win."