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Link and Zelda: The Cave People

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A story in the Legend of Zelda series taken place in Prehistoric times, where Link and Zelda are lovers going on adventures as completely naked cave people! The characters in this story talk in simplified words, like the Incredible Hulk, and even saying things like calling their penises (meat sticks) and the like. "All characters in the story are above the age of 18."

Chapter 5: Nature Training with Friends

The mammoth carcass was a black, stinking mountain in the grey dawn light. Flies swarmed the ragged strips of meat left clinging to its massive ribs. The air hung thick with decay and the metallic tang of old blood, making every breath taste like rust. Thunder grumbled far away, promising worse weather.

Bor whimpered on a pile of hides near the sheltered side of the fire pit. Zelda had packed his claw wounds with pungent, crushed leaves and bound them tight with strips of mammoth gut. His face was pale under the grime, eyes glassy with pain and fear. Varn sat beside him, nervously chewing a tough strip of dried mammoth meat, his eyes darting constantly to the tree line. Krell stood like a moss-covered boulder nearby, his heavy stone axe resting at his feet, his gaze fixed on the jungle’s edge. Grak paced, restless, occasionally kicking at a loose bone fragment.

Link sat close to Zelda, their backs against a cold mammoth femur taller than he was. He ripped into a charred chunk of haunch, grease coating his chin and chest. The deep bruise along his ribs throbbed with each bite, a dull echo of the mammoth’s kick. Zelda carefully scraped fat from a section of hide into a large, curved piece of mammoth skull. Her fingers worked deftly, collecting the oily substance.

Grak stopped his pacing, looking pointedly at Link, first at his bare chest, then down his legs, then slowly up to Zelda, who wore only her woven grass skirt. He scratched his own matted beard, thick with dried blood and ash. His own loincloth was stained and tattered, but it was clothing.

"Why?" Grak finally rasped, jerking his chin at their near-nakedness. "No hide. Cold come. Thorns bite. Sun burn bad." He gestured vaguely at the surrounding jungle, teeming with unseen dangers. "Hide protect."

Link paused his chewing, a hunk of meat halfway to his mouth. He glanced at Zelda, then back at Grak. He shrugged his massive shoulders. "Not need," he stated simply. He patted his own chest, the muscle hard and warm under his skin. "Stone bite, sun burn, cold bite... Link strong. Feel wind. Feel rain. Feel sun." He took another huge bite. "Part of all. Like tree. Like wolf. No hide between."

Zelda looked up from her scraping, her dark eyes meeting Grak’s. She scooped the collected fat into a smaller leaf pouch. "Old Ones teach," she explained, her voice calm. "Zelda listen. Sun warm skin, good. Rain wash skin, clean. Wind tell stories on skin. Hide... like cave wall. Block world. Feel less." She held up her hand, fingers spread. "Skin feel leaf soft. Feel rock hard. Feel heat, feel cold. Know world true." She nodded towards the vast carcass. "Mammoth give hide for warmth when ice-wind blows. Now? Now feel summer breath."

Grak frowned, unconvinced. He looked at his own hands, calloused and scarred. "Cat claws cut deep," he countered, pointing at Bor. "Wolf teeth sharp. Thorns poke, make bad blood. Hide stop."

Link swallowed his mouthful. "Hide slow," he countered. "Cat fast. Wolf fast. Link fast." He slapped his thigh, the sound sharp in the tense air. "Feel ground shake, run fast. Hide heavy. Pull down." He mimed pulling something heavy off. "No good."

Varn piped up nervously, his gaze flicking from Grak to Link. "But... cold when dark comes? Wind bite hard on skin."

Zelda gestured towards the fire pit, then to the collected fat in her pouch. "Fire warm bones. Fat burn bright, warm skin. Zelda know ways." She tapped her temple. "Feel cold, build better fire. Hide warm, yes. But skin know when cold comes, deep inside. Know to find shelter. Hide make lazy." She looked directly at Grak. "Try. Feel wind on back. Feel sun on chest. Like... waking up."

Grak stared at them, then at his own companions. Bor moaned softly. Krell remained impassive. Varn looked nervously intrigued. Grak grunted, a complex sound of frustration and curiosity. He looked down at his worn loincloth. Slowly, hesitantly, he untied the thong holding it up and let the stiff hide fall to the mud.

The effect was immediate. He shivered as the cool dawn air touched skin he hadn't exposed to the world in seasons. He hunched his shoulders slightly, instinctively protective. He looked... vulnerable. Smaller.

"Wind cold," he muttered, rubbing his hands over his arms. He took a tentative step, his bare feet sinking into the churned, bloody mud. He wrinkled his nose at the feel of it. "Mud... sticky. Sharp stone!" He lifted his foot, peering at a small cut on his sole.

Link chuckled, a low rumble. "Feel world, Grak. Good." He ripped off another piece of meat, offering it. "Eat. Warm inside."

Varn watched Grak, chewing his lip. After a moment, he glanced at Bor, then Krell, then with a quick, embarrassed movement, he too untied his loincloth and tossed it aside. He stood stiffly, arms half-raised, blushing furiously. "Uh... feel strange."

Krell watched them all. His gaze lingered on Zelda, then Link, then Grak standing awkwardly naked. Finally, with a slow, deliberate movement, he laid his axe down carefully and undid the knot holding his heavy hide kilt. It dropped, revealing thickly muscled legs covered in coarse hair and old scars. He stood still as a statue, his expression unchanging, seemingly indifferent to the air on his skin.

Only Bor remained covered, whimpering under his hides, too weak and afraid to join.

Zelda smiled faintly, a rare expression. She scooped water from a rain-filled depression in the mammoth skull using a cupped leaf and handed it to Grak. "Drink. Skin drink sun now too." She stood, stretching, letting the weak sunlight touch her bare back. "Listen deep. Jungle talk different now."

A heavy silence fell, broken only by Bor’s pained breaths, the buzz of flies, and the distant thunder rolling closer. The four naked men stood or sat awkwardly, unused to the constant brush of air, the tickle of stray breeze, the direct press of the humid, stinking atmosphere against their bodies. Link watched them, then Zelda, a warm, possessive pride glowing in his chest. She made tribe better. She made him better.

He ripped a final strip of meat. "Link hunt more soon. Bring–"

A guttural, coughing snarl ripped through the air, startlingly close. It wasn't the high-pitched yip of wolves or the deep growl of the sabertooth. It was wet, ragged, full of malice. And it came from the decaying bulk of the mammoth carcass.

Krell was moving before the snarl fully died, snatching up his axe. Link surged to his feet, pain forgotten, grabbing his spear. Zelda scooped up her bundle of moss-wrapped coals from the fire’s edge, blowing gently to coax life back into them.

From behind a curtain of dangling, rotting entrails hanging from the mammoth’s gut cavity, the scaled hyena-thing emerged. It moved with a low, painful lurch. Link’s earlier blow had caved in part of its thick skull above one eye socket. Bone showed white through torn, leathery skin, and dark, viscous fluid oozed down its scaled shoulder. Its remaining eye, a yellow sliver of pure hate, burned directly at Link. Its massive, bone-crushing jaws hung slightly open, drooling ropes of thick saliva tinged pink with blood – Bor’s blood, or its own.

It didn't roar again. It just stared, breathing in thick, labored gasps, its huge chest heaving. The stench of rotten meat and reptile musk poured off it, mixing with the carcass decay.

"Bad thing come back," Link growled, shifting his spear grip. He glanced at Grak, naked and weaponless beside him. "Move slow. Circle."

The injured beast took a deliberate step forward, its claws sinking deep into the mud. Its focus never left Link. Its massive head swung slightly, tracking him. Thunder cracked overhead, closer now, shaking the leaves. The first heavy drops of rain began to spatter the mud around them, mixing with the old blood. The scaled hyena-thing didn't flinch. The yellow eye gleamed in the gloom. It took another step.

The rain fell harder, cold drops slapping against bare skin, mixing with the blood-mud under their feet. The scaled beast lowered its massive head, that single yellow eye fixed on Link, ignoring the others. Its breath rattled wetly in its crushed skull.

Zelda blew harder on the coals tucked in moss, a tiny orange glow answering in the gloom. "Krell, left!" she hissed, pointing toward the beast's blind spot. "Stone axe, leg!" Krell grunted, hefting his weapon, the rain slick on his grip, and began a slow, heavy-footed sidestep through the churned muck.

"Grak, fire!" Zelda commanded, thrusting the smoldering bundle towards him. Grak fumbled, the unfamiliar nakedness making him clumsy, the wet moss hissing against his palm. He caught it, the heat sudden and startling against his rain-chilled skin.

"Link draw eye!" Zelda snapped. Link roared, a primal challenge that echoed the thunder, and slammed his spear shaft down hard on a protruding mammoth rib bone. The sharp crack snapped the creature's focus entirely onto him. It lunged, surprisingly fast despite its injury, a blur of scaled muscle and snapping jaws.

Link pivoted, the mud sucking at his feet, driving his spear point-first at the beast's open mouth. The tip scraped off thick jawbone as the massive head twisted, the rancid breath hot on Link's face. Jaws snapped shut inches from his arm.

"Now!" Zelda screamed. Grak, trembling, threw the moss bundle. It arced through the rain, landing short, spilling glowing coals onto the muddy ground near the beast’s forelegs. They sizzled, flaring briefly but weakly against the wet earth.

The distraction was enough. Krell, silent as stone, brought his heavy axe down with brutal force onto the creature's hind leg. A sickening crunch echoed the thunder, bone splintering under stone. The beast screamed, a high-pitched, agonized shriek, whirling with surprising speed despite the shattered limb.

Its massive, spiked tail whipped around, catching Krell square in the ribs. He flew backwards with a choked gasp, landing hard in the bloody mud, the axe tumbling from his grasp. The beast turned, snarling, its focus shifting to the downed man, its good leg scrabbling for purchase.

"Bor!" Link bellowed, parrying a clumsy swipe from the beast's front claws with his spear shaft. He risked a glance back. Bor, pale and sweating under his hide covering, had dragged himself up onto his knees near the pile of scavenged bone shards Zelda used for tools. His eyes were wide with terror and pain.

"Spear! Throw!" Link shouted, jerking his chin towards the sharpened leg bone Bor clutched weakly. "Help Krell!" Bor flinched, looking from the bone in his hand to the monstrous thing staggering towards Krell.

Varn, trembling violently, naked and weaponless, scrambled towards Krell's fallen axe. He slipped in the mud, landing hard beside the dazed warrior. The beast lowered its head, jaws widening to crush Krell's skull. Time slowed.

Bor screamed. Not in fear, but in a raw burst of desperate fury. He heaved his body forward with all his wounded strength, the sharpened mammoth bone spear clutched in both hands. He didn't stand. He crawled, lunging through the muck like a wounded animal, and drove the point upwards with a guttural cry into the beast's exposed underbelly just behind its foreleg.

The bone tip sank deep into softer hide. The beast froze. Its agonized roar vibrated through the ground. It twisted violently, trying to dislodge the bone embedded in its gut. Bor clung on, driven by pure adrenaline, screaming into the rain.

Link saw his chance. He charged past the thrashing head, spear aimed low. He drove the point deep into the creature's good hind leg tendon, near where Krell had struck. He leaned his full weight, twisting. The beast buckled, its back legs collapsing.

Varn finally reached Krell's axe. He grabbed it, heavier than he expected, and swung wildly at the beast's tail still lashing near Krell. The stone edge bit deep muscle. Krell, groaning, rolled away, clutching his ribs.

Grak, galvanized, grabbed a thick mammoth rib fragment lying nearby. He ran at the beast's lowered head, roaring, and brought the heavy bone crashing down onto its already damaged skull. There was a terrible, final crunch.

The beast shuddered, the yellow light in its eye dimming. It slumped fully into the mud, its sides heaving once, twice, then falling still. The rain hammered down on its scaled hide, washing streaks of dark blood and grey brain matter into the churned earth. Silence fell, heavy and thick, broken only by the drumming rain and the ragged gasps of the five figures surrounding the massive corpse. Link stood over the dead beast, spear dripping, the cold rain plastering his hair to his skull, his chest heaving. He looked at Zelda, then at Bor, still collapsed in the mud beside the beast, then at Krell struggling to sit up, Varn trembling with the axe, and Grak panting beside the crushed skull. Meat was secure.

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