Chapter 3: Post Mortem
The next morning came and I felt like shit after not being able to put my mind to rest all night long. I tossed and turned in my bed, my mind racing with thoughts of Lana and Darren. I couldn't believe what had happened, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I felt a mix of anger, jealousy, and even a strange sense of arousal. I knew I needed to talk to Lana, but I wasn't sure how to approach the subject.
As I got up and made my way to the kitchen, I could hear the sound of water running in the bathroom. Denise must have been taking a shower. I hesitated for a moment before knocking softly on the bathroom door.
"Denise?" I called out, my voice barely above a whisper.
There was no response, so I knocked again, a little louder this time.
"Denise? Are you in there?"
Still no response. I tried the handle, and the door creaked open to reveal an empty bathroom. The shower was running, but there was no sign of Denise. I shut off the water finding it strange that she would leave it running like that. I noticed she had thoroughly cleaned the apartment, even leaving a scented candle burning in the kitchen. If I didn't know better I would have never known what had taken place the previous night.
I heard a key click at the front door and Denise
entered with a bag of groceries in her arms. She looked up and smiled at me.
"Morning, Jared. How did you sleep?"
I shrugged and poured myself a cup of coffee. "Not great, honestly. My mind was racing all night."
Denise nodded sympathetically and began putting away the groceries. "I can imagine. It's a lot to take in. You have bags under your eyes, are you sure you don't want to go back to bed?"
I took a deep breath and decided to just come out with it. "Denise, do you think Lana is okay? I mean, after what happened with Darren?"
Denise paused and looked at me, her expression serious. "Jared, that's impossible for me to answer. I don't think you worrying is going to help either of you. You need to talk to Lana about it. She's the only one who can tell you how she's feeling," Denise said, her voice gentle yet firm.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I know, I know. I just... I don't know what to say to her. I don't want to make things worse."
Denise walked over to me and put a hand on my back. "You're sleep deprived and not in the right mental state. Why don't you go back to bed for a bit? You look like you could use more sleep," Denise suggested, her voice soft and soothing. "I'll need time to watch something." She said under her breath and it didn't register with me.
I nodded, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over me. "Yeah, you're right. I think I'll take a shower first, though."
Denise smiled and patted me on the back. "Good idea. I'll be here if you need anything."
As I made my way to the bathroom, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease that had settled over me. I turned on the shower and stepped under the hot spray, it did little to wake me up but I could at least know I was freshened up. I made my way back to my bedroom and finally felt relaxed enough to sleep. I woke up a few hours later feeling refreshed and ready to face whatever was going on with Lana.
I made my way to the kitchen where Denise was cooking lunch. The smell of boiling pasta and garlic filled the air, making my stomach rumble. She looked up as I entered and smiled.
"Feeling better?" she asked, stirring the pot on the stove.
"Yeah, a lot," I replied, pouring myself a glass of water. "Thanks for suggesting I go back to bed."
Denise waved a hand dismissively. "No problem. I figured you needed some rest. So, what's the plan for today?" She asked.
"I need to talk to Lana. I can't keep putting it off. I feel like time is of the essence." I said feeling a slight tinge of nausea.
Denise nodded, her expression serious. "I think that's a good idea. She is probably feeling no better than you are so you should be empathetic and compassionate . But also be honest and open about your feelings." Denise said as she turned off the stove and began to plate the pasta.
"Yeah, I will. I just don't want to make things worse." I said, taking the plate she offered me.
"Jared, you can't make things worse by being honest and open. You just need to be careful with your words and approach. Lana is fragile right now." Denise said, sitting down at the table with her own plate.
"I just don't want to push her away." I said, taking a bite of my pasta.
"Well, you can't control that. All you can do is be honest and open and hope for the best. I'll tell you, if I were in her shoes and I can pretty well imagine that, I would want my partner to be real with me but understand our shared flawed humanity ." Denise said, taking a bite of her pasta. "You're right. I don't want to lose her."
Denise reached out and squeezed my arm. "You won't. Just talk to her like you do me, another human being and not someone on a pedestal. She has something big in common with me and I only now realized it's kind of Freudian. We both have daddy issues."
I almost spat out my mouth full of pasta . "What? How do you figure that?"
"Think about it. She was always protected by her dad right? And I've always been close with mine too. But neither her nor I have had the best relationships with our mothers. I think that's why we're both so drawn to older men - we're trying to fill that void. Also I watched the rest of the footage; it is why I took a cold shower before you got up the first time."
I stared at Denise, stunned. I had never considered that before. "So, you think that's why I'm attracted to Lana? Because she's older and more experienced?"
Denise nodded. "I think I can be the raunchy mom you never had and you unconsciously had sought out a partner like me.
It's not a bad thing, Jared. It's just a part of who you are." Denise said, her voice soft and reassuring.
I took a deep breath, trying to process everything she was saying. It made sense, in a way. Lana was older, more experienced, and had always been a bit of a mother figure to me. And Denise... well, she was just Denise. She was confident, dominant, and always seemed to know what she wanted.
"Denise, I don't know what to say," I admitted, feeling a bit overwhelmed.
Denise smiled and patted my hand. "You don't have to say anything, Jared. Just think about it. I only told you because I think it will help. Now you should go and see Lana . I'll be here if you need anything," Denise said, her voice filled with warmth and understanding.
I nodded, taking a deep breath before standing up from the table. "Thanks, Denise. I really appreciate it."
As I made my way to Lana's casita, I couldn't shake the feeling of nervousness that had settled over me. I knocked softly on the door, hoping that she would answer. After a few moments, I heard footsteps approaching, and the door creaked open to reveal Lana.
She looked different, somehow. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she had dark circles under them. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. I could see the pain etched on her face, and it made my heart ache for her.
"Lana," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "Can I come in?"
She hesitated for a moment before stepping aside and letting me enter. The casita was small, but it was cozy and inviting. The smell of lavender filled the air, and I could see that she had lit a few candles to create a warm atmosphere.
"Can we sit down?" I asked, gesturing towards the couch.
Lana nodded and sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest. I sat down next to her, leaving a small amount of space between us.
I didn't want to crowd her, but I also wanted to be close enough to offer comfort if she needed it.
"Lana," I began, my voice steady and calm. "I want to talk to you about what happened the other night."
She looked at me, her eyes filled with a mix of fear and vulnerability. "I don't know if I can, Jared. I'm kind of a basket case "
I nodded, understanding her hesitation. "I know. And I don't want to push you.
I just want to be here for you." I said, my voice gentle and reassuring.
Lana took a deep breath and looked down at her hands, which were twisted together in her lap. "I don't know what to say, Jared. I feel so... so dirty. Like I've betrayed you."
I reached out and took her hand in mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Lana, you didn't betray me. You're allowed to make your own choices, and that includes who you sleep with."
She looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears. "So you found out. I suppose that makes sense; whatever you went to help Denise with wouldn't have taken that long. But I really don't know what to say, Jared. I have nothing I can give you anymore . I'm just... empty." Lana's voice was barely above a whisper, her eyes fixed on the floor.
I squeezed her hand tighter, trying to convey the strength of my feelings through my touch alone. "Lana, you're not empty. You're still the same person you were before last night. You're still the girl who made me laugh until my stomach hurt, who listened to me when I needed someone to talk to, who made me feel like I was the only person in the world."
She looked up at me then, her eyes searching mine for any sign of deceit or anger. "But I'm not that girl anymore, Jared. I gave myself to someone else. I let him... use me in ways I never imagined. And I liked it. I liked it so much that I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about the way he touched me, the way he made me feel. I can't stop thinking about the way I responded to him, the way I begged for more. I can't stop thinking about the way he filled me up, completely and utterly, in a way that I never thought possible. And now, I can't stop thinking about the way I betrayed you, Jared. The way I threw away something precious and pure, just for a moment of pleasure. I feel so ashamed, so dirty. I don't deserve you anymore. There's nothing left of me to offer. I'm fully tainted now." Lana's voice was barely audible, her eyes fixed on the floor.
I felt a small pain in my chest, but I didn't let it show on my face. Instead, I leaned in closer to her, our knees touching. "Lana, look at me," I said softly, my voice steady and calm.
She hesitated for a moment before lifting her gaze to meet mine. Her eyes were filled with a mix of fear and vulnerability, but there was also a spark of defiance that made me feel a glimmer of hope.
"I'm not going anywhere, Lana," I said, my voice filled with conviction. "I love you, and nothing has changed that. I'll wait as long as it takes for you to feel ready again. But for now, let's just sit here together, okay? Let's just be." I said, my voice filled with warmth and sincerity.
Lana looked at me for a long moment, her eyes searching mine for any sign of insincerity. Finally, she nodded slowly, her shoulders relaxing slightly. "Okay," she whispered.
We sat in silence for a while, the only sound the soft crackling of the candles and the distant hum of the refrigerator. I could feel Lana's hand trembling slightly in mine, and I gave it a gentle squeeze, trying to convey my support and understanding.
After a few moments, Lana spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Jared, can I ask you something?"
"Of course," I replied, my voice soft and gentle.
"Why did you come back?" she asked, her eyes searching mine for an answer.
I took a deep breath, considering my response carefully. "Because I love you, Lana. And because I know that you're hurting, and I want to be here for you. I don't want you to go through this alone. I've had to go through my on struggles alone and don't want you to have to "
She looked at me for a long moment, her expression unreadable. "That's nice Jared but you weren't there. You don't know what all was taken from me ." Lana's voice was barely a whisper, her eyes fixed on the floor again.
I squeezed her hand gently, trying to get her to look at me. "I know it feels that way, Lana. But nothing has changed for me. I still love you, and I still want to be with you."
She finally looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears. "But Jared, I'm not the same person I was before. I let someone else touch me, kiss me, fuck me. I let him do things to me that I never imagined I would do. You're still innocent so I'm not going to burden you with the details but you have no idea who's hand you're holding. I fear once I start to tell you; I will lose any respect left. You will see me as a whore, a slut, a dirty girl who has no self-respect." Lana's voice was barely audible, her eyes fixed on the floor again.
I reached out and gently lifted her chin with my fingers, forcing her to look at me. "Lana, look at me," I said firmly but gently. "I don't care about any of that. All I care about is you. And I want you to know that no matter what happened, you are still the same person to me.
You are still Lana, the girl I fell in love with. The girl who makes my heart race and my stomach flutter. The girl who makes me feel alive."
Lana's eyes searched mine, looking for any sign of deceit or insincerity. But she must have found none, because after a moment, she leaned into my touch, her eyes fluttering closed. I took that as an invitation and leaned in closer, pressing my lips softly against hers.
It was a gentle kiss, a kiss of reassurance and comfort. I could feel Lana's tears streaming down her cheeks, and I tasted the saltiness on her lips. I pulled back slightly, my thumb brushing away the tears.
"Don't cry, Lana," I whispered. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
She took a deep breath, her eyes still closed. "I don't deserve you, Jared. I don't deserve your kindness. For fucks sake, why do you have to be so fucking perfect? It makes this even harder." Lana's voice was barely a whisper, her eyes still closed.
I smiled softly and pressed my forehead against hers. "Lana, I'm not perfect. Far from it. I'm just here for you, because I love you."
She opened her eyes and looked at me, her gaze intense. "But you're still innocent, Jared. You still have your purity, your innocence. You should go before it's too late. I'm now hooked on the feeling of being filled up, and I don't want to stop. I want more, Jared. I want to feel that way again, and again, and again. I want to be used, to be fucked, to be taken in every way imaginable. I want to be a slut, a whore, a dirty girl who has no self-respect. I want to be everything that you're not, because it feels so fucking good. And I don't want you to be a part of that. I don't want you to see me that way, because I know that you would never look at me the same again. Don't you get it? I'm broken and furthermore would not go back to the way I was if I could. I'm trying to warn you Jared because I don't want you to be hurt by me. You're so pure and innocent and you deserve better than this. You deserve someone who can give you everything you need without any complications." Lana's voice was filled with desperation and pain.
"Lana, I don't want to hear this. I don't want you to talk about yourself like that. You're not broken, and you're not a whore or a slut. You're my Lana, and nothing has changed that. I love you and want to be there for you in the best times and the herd times "
Lana looked at me, her eyes filled with tears. "But it has changed, Jared. It has changed everything. You can't tell me you are going to put up with someone used up and discarded like a piece of trash? You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who is going to cherish and respect you for who you are and not just for what you can give them in bed."
I felt a pit of sadness in my chest as I looked at her, her eyes filled with tears and a mix of fear and vulnerability. "Lana, I accept you for everything that makes you who you are. I'm not angry with you at all and want nothing more than for you to just accept that I want to help you. I see you hurting so much and want to make it all better. Will you just let me hold you and kiss you ? Will you let me show you that you're still the same person to me? That nothing has changed? That I still love you?" I asked, my voice filled with sincerity and love.
Lana hesitated for a moment, her eyes searching mine for any sign of deceit or insincerity.
I leaned in and pressed my lips softly against hers, feeling her body tense for a moment before she melted into my embrace. She was still crying and I just held her firmly to show her that I was there for her. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close, feeling her heart racing against my chest. On any other day her chest may have aroused me but on this day I was focused on the thump of her heartbeats.
I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt, and I didn't care. I just wanted her to know that I was there for her, that I wasn't going anywhere.
We stayed like that for what felt like hours, just holding each other, our hearts beating in sync. I could feel Lana's body slowly relaxing, her tears subsiding. I pulled back slightly, just enough to look into her eyes.
"Are you feeling better?" I asked softly, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.
She nodded slightly, her voice barely above a whisper. "A little. Thank you, Jared."
I smiled at her, my heart swelling with love. "Anytime, Lana. See, that wasn't so bad." I replied, my voice filled with warmth and sincerity.
"You're too good to me, Jared." Lana laughed nervously, wiping away the last of her tears.
I shook my head, smiling at her. "No, I'm not. I just love you."
She looked at me for a moment, her eyes searching mine. "Jared, it's never going to be the same. Without saying too much, I can't go back to the way things were before.
I've changed, Jared. I've done things, seen things, felt things that I can't just forget about. I can't just go back to being the innocent girl you fell in love with. I'm not her anymore." Lana's voice was filled with a mix of sadness and resignation.
"Lana, I know that things have changed. I know that you've been through something traumatic, and I know that it's going to take time for you to heal. But I also know that I love you, and I'm not going anywhere." I said with proud bravado.
"You're wrong Jared. I don't think it was traumatic at all so I don't need to take time to heal like you're saying. I'm changed but there's no going back to the way things were before. It's not like I'm going to start acting like a prude or anything. I'm just not going to be the same girl you fell in love with. I'm not going to be the same girl I was before I met him. I'm not going to be the same girl I was before I let him do all those things to me. I'm not going to be the same girl I was before I let him fill me up and make me feel so alive. I'm not going to be the same girl I was before I let him use me and make me feel like a slut.
And I don't want to be. I like this new version of me. I like the way it feels to be desired, to be wanted, to be taken. I like the way it feels to be used, to be fucked, to be filled up. I like the way it feels to be a dirty little slut, to be a whore, to be a girl who has no self-respect. I like the way it feels to be everything that you're not, because it feels so fucking good. But I also know that you don't want this version of me. You want the old Lana, the innocent one, the one who was pure and untouched. And I can't be that girl anymore. Either you will realize that and find a new girl who is pure or you'll be stubborn and give me no choice but to corrupt you and share all m my dirty secrets with you. Either way, I want you to choose now because, again, there's no going back for me.
I've crossed a line, Jared, and I can't unsee what I've seen, unfeel what I've felt, unknow what I now know. I'm not the same girl you fell in love with, and I never will be again. So, what's it going to be, Jared? Are you in, or are you out?"
I looked at her, my heart pounding in my chest. I knew what she was asking, and I knew that my answer would change everything.
"Lana, I love you. That hasn't changed, and it never will. But I also know that you're right in a way. You went through something life changing but I'm going to apparently shock you in saying that's okay. You don't have to be the same girl I fell in love with. You can be a new version of yourself and still be loved by me. I'm not asking you to be someone you're not. I'm asking you to be you, completely and utterly, and I'll love you for it. I'll love you for being the girl who took a chance and lived her life on her own terms. I'll love you for being the girl who discovered her own desires and embraced them. I'll love you for being the girl who isn't afraid to be vulnerable and honest about who she is and what she wants." I said, my voice filled with sincerity and conviction.
I caressed Lana's cheek gently, feeling the softness of her skin under my fingertips. "I love you, Lana. And I want to be with you, no matter what version of you that is."
Lana looked at me, her eyes filled with a mix of surprise and disbelief. "You mean it? You're not just saying that to make me feel better?"
I shook my head, my expression serious. "No, Lana. I mean it. I love you, and I want to be with you. All of you."
She searched my eyes for a moment, as if trying to find any sign of deceit or insincerity. When she saw none a thin grin formed on her face . "You're crazy, Jared. But I love you for it." She leaned in and pressed her lips softly against mine, her hand reaching up to cup the back of my neck.
I deepened the kiss, my tongue exploring her mouth as she moaned softly into me. I could taste the saltiness of her tears on her lips, but it only made me want her more. I pulled back slightly, my forehead resting against hers.
"I love you too, Lana," I whispered, my voice filled with emotion.
She smiled at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "And I love you too. But Jared, we need to talk about what happened. If you still want me like I can feel; you need to know everything . I don't want any secrets between us." Lana's voice was filled with determination, her eyes locked onto mine.
I nodded slowly, taking a deep breath. "I know, Lana. And I want to know everything. But not now. Not yet. Let's just... let's just be together for now. Let's just hold each other and forget about everything else."
Lana hesitated for a moment before nodding slowly. "Just for now. But remember, no secrets , Jared. I won't keep anything from you," Lana whispered, her voice barely audible.
"I know," I replied softly, pulling her closer to me. "And I won't keep anything from you either."
We sat in silence for a while, just holding each other, our hearts beating in sync. I could feel Lana's body slowly relaxing, her breathing evening out. I ran my fingers through her hair, gently massaging her scalp, hoping to help her relax even more.
After a while, Lana pulled back slightly, looking up at me with a small smile. "Thank you, Jared. For everything. You're far more understanding that anyone else would be in your shoes. And I... I don't know how to thank you for that."
I smiled softly at her, my thumb brushing away a stray tear from her cheek. "You don't have to thank me, Lana. I love you, and that's all that matters."
She leaned into my touch, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment. When she opened them again, there was a new spark in them, a hunger that I hadn't seen before. It sent a shiver down my spine, and I felt a stirring in my pants.
"Jared," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I... I want you."
I hesitated for a moment, surprised by her sudden change in demeanor.
"Lana, are you sure?" I asked.
"Jared, I've been feeling you trying not to poke me for the last hour. For the new me, that simulates something inside of me I didn't feel before. But first I must tell you what happened the other night, it's only fair to you. But after that, I want you to take me, Jared. I want you to make me yours again."
I took a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest. I knew that this was a big step for Lana, and I wanted to make sure that she was ready. "Are you sure, Lana? We don't have to rush into anything. I want you to be absolutely sure."
She nodded, her eyes filled with determination. "I'm sure, Jared. I want this.
I leaned in and pressed my lips softly against hers, feeling her body melt into mine.
She pulled back and looked my deeply on the eyes before saying, "You don't have to worry about one thing. I took a long ass shower when I finally got home and scrubbed myself clean. I wanted to feel fresh and new for you." She paused and bit her lip before continuing, "But Jared, I need to tell you what happened. I need you to know everything before we go any further."
I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "Okay, Lana. I'm listening."
She took a deep breath and began to speak, her voice barely above a whisper. "It all started when you went to help Denise. You might remember Darren sat on the opposite end of the couch from me.
He had this smug look on his face. I didn't like that one bit. I had to know what was running through his mind, so I asked him.
"What are you thinking, Darren?"
He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. He grinned at me with an almost sinister look in his eyes. "I've been thinking about how if I were your boyfriend I'd not leave a fine piece of ass like you alone with a guy like me." Darren said, his eyes never leaving me.
I blushed at his words, feeling a mix of embarrassment and a strange sense of arousal. "Darren, you're being inappropriate. Jared is my boyfriend, and I would never cheat on him." I stammered, trying to regain my composure.
Darren chuckled, a low, sultry sound that sent shivers down my spine. "Oh come on, Lana. You can't tell me that you haven't thought about it. I'm not judging you, I'm just saying that I know what I would do if I were in Jared's shoes.
And from the looks of things, he doesn't know what he has." Darren's voice was low and seductive, his eyes never leaving mine.
I felt a flush creep up my neck, my heart pounding in my chest. What was he doing? Was he trying to make me feel guilty? Or was he trying to turn me on? I couldn't tell, and that made me even more nervous.
"Darren, stop it. You're making me uncomfortable," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
He smirked, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. "You're blushing, Lana. I've been with enough women to see through their coy acts. You all pretend you have no desires but after a night with me I always make sure you're all pleased until you can't take no more. You're curious, aren't you? You're not the first and you won't be the last to find out what it's like to be with me. I'm not bragging, just stating a fact. I've never met a woman who didn't like what I had to offer. And I'm sure you're no different. In fact, I can see the way you're looking at me right now, your eyes all wide and innocent, but your body is telling a different story. You're tense, your breath is coming a little faster, and your nipples are hard as diamonds. You're turned on, Lana. And there's nothing wrong with that."
Lana went on to describe the seduction progressing from there until Darren had talked her out of her clothes. She said how once she was fully exposed she saw his enormous member and was filled with both fear and a strange arousal. She described how he had scooped her up in his arms and carried her to Denise's bedroom, where he laid her down on her bed. She went on to explain how he had taken his time, exploring every inch of her body with his hands and his mouth, making her feel things she had never felt before. She told me how he had kissed and caressed her until she was writhing beneath him, begging for more. And then, he took her, filling her completely and utterly in a way that she had never imagined possible. He moved her back to the couch and took her in the ass. He ordered her to lick him clean after every act then had her eat his ass . He told her he was the only one she would ever fuck. She explained how it went on and on well into the night, with her submissively taking every command and loving every moment of it. With each word from her lips, I felt a range of unfamiliar emotions coursing through me. Anger, jealousy, betrayal, but also an intense arousal that I couldn't shake.
As Lana finished her story, she looked at me with one last desperate plea. "I need you to know, Jared. I need you to understand why I can't go back to how we were before. I love and hate it at the same time, retelling this experience has turned me on even more. Either you are going to go so I can take care of myself or if you stay you're not leaving my Casita a virgin and you'll be as tainted as me.