Chapter 14: Temptation
I got hesitations though and pulled away as I looked away, I couldn't give in not yet..I needed time. "I'm sorry.." I said as I just wasn't ready to give myself over to my betrothed.
I could feel it my admission hung in the air, like a delicate pause in the rhythm of our shared moments. I felt desire and things I never felt before but at the same time I didn't want to rush any of this..this place..it was where my mother was once a soldier..where I was now a second in command instead of some student.
"I understand, Amira," Aleksander replied, his voice carrying a note of reassurance and something else. He gently cupped my face, guiding my gaze back to meet his. "You're not alone in this journey. Take all the time you need. I won't rush you." he said as his thumb rubbed against my cheek.
My mind filled with so many thoughts at the action, how many girls had he persuaded with such gestures? I remembered the hatred I saw in Zoya's eyes as she hated me already and yet here I was not even doing like the rest of them. I was holding back, my hesitation here within the room. Nodding, I felt gratitude toward him and it must have showed within my eyes.
Yet, I could feel and sense some annoyance..here was a man who was in command. Used to getting what he wanted, what he wanted right now was me and I kept sending mixed signals..it was hard because everything I felt around him right now as new..and it scared me slightly. Yet, there was something else beneath the surface..longing.
"Can we just take a few minutes.." I asked as he nod and led me towards his bed where we sat. I sat by him keeping the kefta on me. "You said you don't do anything you don't want to.." I said repeating what he said as he nod. "I won't force you..if you're not ready." Aleksander said as I was unsure if I was..was I?
I thought about the time I was in first army, how many times had we all played games? How many times had I come close to kissing someone else and chose not to..I knew that there was things in first army I missed and yet things were changing seemed so fast.
"What's on your mind?" Aleksander asked as I looked up at him then looked down. "Just thinking..about the time in first army. The games we played and just how much I didn't need to worry about if someone was gonna attack me." I said
Aleksander made me look at him "Believe that I will not let anyone hurt you.." Aleksander said as I felt like he could be right but at the same time..I was hesitated. I didn't know what to do
"You only pursued me because of the fact that I am the other half of the betrothal.." I said bluntly though I knew that was only partly true now. Aleksander seemed to be thinking about what it meant. I knew that things had changed..that we had almost..well we would have if I hadn't stopped him but was a year long enough?
"At first, but as the year went on that changed Amira..you're my equal..the one I am meant to be with." Aleksander said as he put a hand on my arm. Looking over at him, I felt sudden electicity go through me and I think he felt it too cause next thing I knew we were making out but that was as far as I'd let it go.
Days passed, and we found ourselves still in moments of making out..and yes, I felt he was turned on but I didn't let him have what he wanted. So he had to walk away a bit frustrated as I went and watched the training grounds from a spot they couldn't see me seeing the other grisha were good. I noticed Marie and Nadia doing well and part of me wondered how did I get this far with being so high up in 2nd army. So much going through my head as the King wanted me to be the answer to Ravka's problem but Aleksander had other ideas. When I wasn't watching the other Grisha, I went to the garden to relax.
One evening, under the moonlit sky, Aleksander found me in the gardens. The fragrant blooms whispered secrets of nature, mirroring the delicate dance of emotions within me. He approached with a measured pace, a silent acknowledgment of the boundaries I needed sometimes.
"Amira," Aleksander began, choosing his words carefully, "I want you to know that I care for you deeply. But I respect your journey, and I won't push you into something you're not ready for.."
I sighed, a mixture of gratitude and uncertainty intertwining in her expression. "Aleksander, it's not about you. It's about me. There's a lot I need to process, to understand about myself and what I want...When I'm around you..when we make out I..well feel things I never have before..this is my first and possibly only relationship I'll ever be in."
He nodded, his gaze never leaving mine. "I'll be here, Amira, whenever you're ready. There's no rush. What we have is unique, and it deserves the time it needs to bloom..after all you and I are eternal."
Eternal, the one word that always would change my world forever that would make me different from humans other than my small science. "I have human friends..I have people I know that are human..and I..." I looked away knowing that saying the next part would not help me. "The tracker, your friend who wanted to protect you. You will remain as you are and he will only grow old. His hair will grey and you will still look eighteen." Aleksander said as I knew he was right. "That doesn't change years of friendship..relying on the one person I could talk about anything to and know they did not judge me." I said
Aleksander walked over to me as I felt him put a hand under my chin and have me look at him. "I don't judge you..you used all your strength to knock me off the bed and I never lashed out." Aleksander said as I knew that was true. I nod in agreement with that knowing that he wasn't
The Little Palace, surrounded by shadows and moonlight, became a haven for introspection. Amira found solace in the quiet moments, grappling with her own desires and fears. Aleksander, ever patient, remained a constant presence, offering support without expectation.
As the chapters of their story unfolded, the threads of destiny woven around them held the promise of a connection that transcended time. The Little Palace, witness to their journey, stood as a testament to the complexities of love, trust, and the delicate dance of hearts learning to find harmony.
A few weeks passed and then one night, Aleksander had led me to his room where we kept making out. Only this time..I didn't pull away from him.