Cover of The Language of Longing

The Language of Longing

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Misha helplessly shrugs his shoulders, it is what he is used to doing. He glances at his boyfriend. "You ... you want sex, right?" He then asks. Ilia is too nice and gentle to just be honest and ask what he wants. "I ... you mean in general?" Ilia asks, confused. "No, I... right now" Misha mumbles. "That is why you cooked?" Misha just wants to hear the truth and it is okay. Ilia is the sweetest partner Misha could ever ask for, but they have only been dating for a few weeks, Misha guesses Ilia thinks he has to be very nice and sweet. He does not have to be, Misha is so in love with him and he is already happy with not being hurt all the time and again, he is aware of his boyfriend duties Or: Misha is still affected by his past relationship, but Ilia is there to show him how he deserves to be loved.

Chapter 3: Claimed Over Leftovers

The silence after dinner was different. It wasn’t the brittle quiet of the week before, nor the stunned peace after the bedroom. This was a thick, palpable thing, humming with the ghosts of what they’d just done and the unwashed dishes in the sink. Misha watched Ilia stand, the muscles of his back shifting under his thin t-shirt as he gathered their plates. The shakshuka had been perfect, rich and smoky, but Misha had tasted it through a haze, every bite underscored by the memory of Ilia’s mouth on him, Ilia’s voice calling him ‘good’ like it was a truth and not a prize.

“I’ll get these,” Ilia said, his voice casual, warm. He glanced back with a smile. “There’s honey cake for after. If you want.”

Honey cake. A normal thing. A sweet thing offered freely. The simple kindness was a spike of anxiety. Misha’s fingers twitched on his thighs. His mind, that treacherous old engine, began to calculate: He cooked, he’s cleaning, he’s offering dessert. The balance is tipping. What do you have to give?

He stood up too quickly, the couch cushion sighing. “Let me help.”

“You don’t have to,” Ilia said, already at the sink, turning on the tap.

But Misha was already there, hovering at his shoulder. The kitchen was dim, lit only by the spill from the living room lamp. He could smell the garlic on Ilia’s skin, the faint herbal scent of his soap. He reached for a plate to dry.

Ilia’s hand, wet and warm, closed over his wrist. Not hard. Just stopping him. “Misha.”

The sound of his name, so quiet, froze him. He looked up. Ilia wasn’t smiling now. His gaze was dark, focused, a hunter’s look that sent a jolt straight down Misha’s spine.

“You’re shaking,” Ilia observed, his thumb stroking the frantic pulse point.

Misha shrugged, the gesture feeble. “I’m fine.”

“No. You’re not.” Ilia turned off the water. The sudden silence was immense, broken only by the electric hum of the refrigerator. He didn’t let go of Misha’s wrist. Instead, he used his grip to turn Misha, backing him up until the hard, cold edge of the kitchen counter dug into the small of his back. “You’re in your head. Calculating. After everything. Aren’t you?”

The directness was a punch to the gut. Misha had no armor for it. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

Ilia moved in closer, his body caging Misha against the counter. His free hand came up to cradle Misha’s jaw, forcing his gaze up. “I can see it. You’re looking for the bill. Well, here it is.” He leaned in, his lips brushing the shell of Misha’s ear, his voice a low, rough growl that vibrated through Misha’s entire frame. “You’re mine to take now. That’s the bill. You gave me that mouth, and now I want the rest of you. All of it.”

Before Misha could process the words, Ilia’s mouth was on his—a claiming, devouring kiss that was nothing like their earlier tenderness. It was all teeth and demand, a hot, slick invasion that stole Misha’s breath. He whimpered, a sound of pure shock, and Ilia swallowed it. His hands dropped to the waistband of Misha’s sweatpants and underwear, and he shoved them down in one rough, efficient motion. The cool air of the kitchen hit Misha’s bare skin, followed by the searing heat of Ilia’s palm wrapping around his cock, which was already hardening under the brutal, decisive assault.

“See?” Ilia hissed against his mouth, pumping him once, twice, a rough, dry friction that made Misha’s knees buckle. “You want this. You’re fucking desperate for it. You just need someone to stop asking.”

He released Misha’s cock just as abruptly, leaving him gasping and exposed. Ilia dropped to his knees right there on the kitchen tile. He didn’t kiss or tease. He took Misha’s length back into his mouth, deep and immediate, his throat working open around him. The wet heat was a shock, overwhelmingly intense. Misha cried out, his hands flying to fist in Ilia’s hair. He looked down, met Ilia’s gaze looking up at him—dark, unblinking, utterly focused on the act of taking him apart.

Ilia sucked him like he was starving for it, like this was the dessert he’d truly wanted. His tongue lashed the sensitive head, his cheeks hollowed, and he hummed, the vibration tearing another broken sound from Misha’s throat. It was raw, obscene, the slick noises loud in the quiet kitchen. Misha could feel the crest approaching, a terrifying wave.

“Ilia—stop, I’m gonna come, please—” he begged, the words tangling in a sob.

Ilia pulled off with a wet pop, his lips swollen and glossy. “No.” The word was absolute. He stood up, his own erection straining against his jeans. He spun Misha around roughly, bending him over the cool granite of the countertop. Misha’s cheek pressed against the hard surface, his breath fogging it. He was utterly vulnerable, pants around his ankles, ass exposed, heart hammering against stone.

He heard the tear of a foil packet, the rustle of clothing. A moment later, the blunt, slick head of Ilia’s cock pressed against him. There was no gentle preparation, only the steady, inexorable pressure as Ilia pushed inside.

Misha screamed. It was a stretch that burned, a full, claiming invasion that stole the air from his lungs. Ilia didn’t pause. He buried himself to the hilt in one long, devastating stroke, his body covering Misha’s, his teeth sinking into the juncture of Misha’s neck and shoulder.

“Mine,” Ilia grunted into his skin, the word a possession and a promise. He began to move.

It was nothing like Misha had ever known. It was brutal, fucking him with deep, punishing thrusts that shook the cabinets. Each drive forward mashed Misha’s hips into the unforgiving counter edge, a bright counterpoint of pain to the overwhelming fullness. Ilia’s grip on his hips was iron, fingers sure to leave bruises.

“You feel that?” Ilia growled, his rhythm relentless. “You feel how deep I am in you? This is what you wanted. This is what you asked for with those fucking tears. To be used. To be owned. So take it.”

Misha was sobbing, tears smearing on the granite. But it wasn’t from hurt. It was from a shocking, total dismantling. Every thrust shattered another one of his careful calculations. There was no transaction here, only consumption. Ilia was taking what he wanted, and in doing so, was freeing Misha from the exhausting tyranny of debt. He was being claimed, and in this raw, fucked-out state, it felt like salvation.

“Ilia!” he wailed, his own cock, trapped between his belly and the cold stone, leaking helplessly.

“Come for me,” Ilia commanded, his pace turning frantic, his own control fraying. “Come all over this counter. Show me.”

The order, the sheer filthy dominance of it, was the final trigger. Misha’s orgasm ripped through him, violent and silent for a second before a ragged scream tore loose. He spilled over the granite, his body seizing around Ilia’s invading length, milking him.

Ilia shouted, a raw, guttural sound, and drove in one final, punishing time. Misha felt the hot pulse deep inside as Ilia came, his whole body shuddering, collapsing over Misha’s back, his forehead pressed between Misha’s shoulder blades.

For long minutes, there was only the sound of their wrecked breathing and the hum of the fridge. Ilia softened, slipped out. He gently pulled Misha’s sweatpants back up, his hands tender now, carefully fastening them. Then he turned Misha around, gathering him against his chest. Misha clung to him, his whole body trembling, his face wet.

Ilia held him, one hand in his hair, rocking them slightly. He didn’t speak. He just held on until Misha’s shaking subsided into shaky breaths.

Finally, Ilia pulled back just enough to look at him. He swiped a thumb under Misha’s eye. “The cake’s probably still good,” he said, his voice hoarse but soft.

Misha let out a wet, hiccuping sound that was almost a laugh. He looked past Ilia’s shoulder at the glistening mess on the counter. “We should… clean that first.”

Ilia glanced back, a slow, possessive smile spreading across his face. “Later.” He kissed Misha, softly this time. A sealing kiss. “The cake’s for you. Not for balancing anything. Just because I know you like sweet things.”

And for the first time, with his body aching in new ways and the proof of their coupling cooling on the kitchen counter, Misha didn’t feel the urge to calculate the cost. He just leaned into Ilia’s hold, and nodded.

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