Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Isolation and Self Doubt
I don't want to be a werewolf.
I don't want to be a monster.
I don't want to be a freak". These words echo in my mind every time I look in the mirror. My skin crawls, goosebumps pricking my skin in the hollows of my arms and on my chest. Why do I feel ashamed? Why do I feel like I don't deserve to be here? I'm not ugly, I'm not freakish, I'm not different from anyone. I have good grades, amazing friends, yet I keep feeling like I don’t deserve this life. It makes no sense. I should be happy, right? But I'm not. Not really. The guilt and shame eat away at me like a clump of worms. I feel disgusting. I feel ugly. I feel like I don't deserve to be loved.
I keep thinking to myself “The sweet relief of death is always there for you.” I feel scared and at risk of having a panic attack all because of this stupid curse. What will happen to me? What will people think? How will they react?
It all started a few days ago, I was trying to head home but got stopped by a monstrous, feral creature, and it attacked me and left a claw mark on my body. I was lucky to be able to call Hiroto to help me before I passed out, I was then transferred to a hospital while I was unconscious. The next day I woke up and saw my friends come to see if I was well, Hiroto held me a lot to make me feel loved and appreciated. But I had a curiosity to see what the scar had looked like, and to my surprise there was nothing there when I checked. I felt even more confused when I felt my senses going crazy. I could hear so much better, my eyes could see all the vibrant colors, every hug I felt made me feel loved, and my taste for food felt expanded. At this point I wondered what was the creature that attacked me was, but I didn't have enough time to dwell on it before the doctor came in and told me I was healed and that I could go home. Thank you doctor, I said, but I still have a question. What was I? I asked the question without preamble, and the doctor stared at me for a second before answering.You are a human being, he said. A beautiful, unique human being.
I smiled, yet I felt uneasy. I knew I was supposed to be happy, but I just can't seem to shake this feeling of wrongness. Maybe it's the fact that I'm nervous, I don't know. I've never felt like this before, and I don't know what to do about it. When I got home I went straight to my room. I opened my laptop to see what was the creature that attacked me was, to my surprise I was attacked by a werewolf. I didn’t know what to feel about this because on one hand I’ve always loved them and have dreamed of transforming into one plenty of times before, but in the other hand if I a fail at transforming I’ll become a monstrous beast that will hurt and potentially kill innocent people.I don't want that life for myself. I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to lose my humanity! I closed my laptop and went to bed. The next morning I awoke with a start, my legs cramped and I tripped across the floor, my giant breasts felt heavier hurt my back which was already aching from sleeping on it wrong, and my head pounding from a lack of sleep.I felt nothing but severe stress, I needed to talk to someone about my situation. I called the person I have trusted the most since kindergarten. Hiroto Akagi My best friend and roommate. He answered right away and I poured my heart out to him. “My apologies for being late for everything, but I figured out what attacked me, a werewolf. Now I have the curse and…. I can’t go through it alone! I want you to support me through my transformation tonight, I want you to just hold me and assure me that everything will be okay!” I was in tears just telling Hiroto my situation, I didn’t want to hurt him, but I wanted him to be with me to make me feel loved and to remind me that I’m human. He promised to be there for me and to support me through my change, but I could tell he was worried about me. I’m glad he cares enough about me though, he always makes my day better just by being kind, supportive, and always being there for me You're my best friend, and I’ll help you through this curse. But I want to ask: Which type of werewolf were you attacked by?” When he said that he told me there are two types of werewolf transformations. One that majorly morph your human body into wolf, and one that somewhat shifts your body that relies on you not wanting to feel pain and ripping off your human skin to release the wolf within. The ladder in particular will permanently change you unlike the former which will shift you back to your human form. I realized I was attacked by the werewolf that had its human skin ripped off. I hung up on Hiroto before he could hear me scream “AAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!” Because if I failed to transform, I would permanently lose who I am right now. I would become a monster, an uncontrollable monster with no way to think about what I’m doing, and no ounce of humanity or judgement in me. I would just be a feral freak who killed people. I felt myself having a mental breakdown I couldn’t do anything. The full moon was tonight, and I just wanted to die. I just want Hiroto to hold me tight and feel my body, to assure me everything will be okay……….. I felt mentally broken, and physically exhausted.