Chapter 8: Complications
Tom and Adam didn't get along that well. While civil on the outside, the open relationship was gnawing at them. Sharing Robert between them was nothing short of a war. But other times they would work together to make things work, to make Robert happy for once in his life
.
Tom and Adam were nothing alike, but they had one thing in common, Robert. And they had only one thing to agree on—that Robert deserved happiness.
But, their egos were hurting and their hearts were breaking.
Robert was still lost in the wilderness of his own mind - trying to figure out if he was at all capable of loving a person, and who that person might be. The thought of having to choose between Tom and Adam made him nauseous, and he wished he never had to.
James keeps convincing him that he can and he should love them both.
After all, they were both consenting adults who knew what they were getting into. But Robert isn't so sure. He knows he has a history of unrequited love, and the thought of yet another heartbreak sends a shudder down his spine.
Robert and Tom's relationship had never been the same since high school. It always seemed like one of them wasn't fully committed - like they were both just going through the motions. Robert wonders if it's because of his unspoken love for Tom or if there's something deeper at play.
He doesn't know, but he knows it's time to get moving, to do something about it. He cannot sit idly by and watch himself slowly drown in feelings he cannot justify or explain.
He walked over to the window, looking out at the dark night sky. He could feel the tension building up inside him, like a storm brewing. The thought of giving up on Tom makes him sick, but he knows he can't live like this forever. He takes a deep breath, his heart pounding in his chest.
He knows what he has to do, but that doesn't make it any easier. He turns away from the window and faces James, who's sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at him with an intense, almost predatory gaze.
"James," Robert starts, his voice barely above a whisper. "I can't do this anymore."
James raises an eyebrow, a sly smile spreading across his face. "You mean you can't do me anymore?" he says, his tone laced with mock hurt.
Robert narrows his eyes at him, "That's not what I meant, James. This...our relationship, it's not sustainable. It's just not."
"Oh, is that so?" James leans back on the bed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, let me be the one to educate you, big man. I may have a wife, but I'm not exclusive. And neither are you. So, what's the problem?
You can have me, and you can have Tom. And maybe even Adam." James smirks at Robert, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
Robert purses his lips, clenching his fists in frustration. "I don't want to share, James. It's not fair to either of us. And it's not fair to Tom or Adam either. And besides, I'm not sure if I even want to be in an open relationship anymore."
James pouts, looking disappointed. "But why not? It's fun, it's exciting.
And you can't deny that you love the thrill of it all." James leaned back, propping himself up on his elbows and giving Robert a smoldering look.
Robert shook his head, running a hand through his damp hair. "I don't know if that's enough for me anymore, James. I want more. I want something real, something that doesn't feel like a cheap thrill or a fleeting moment. I don't want to be afraid of getting hurt or of hurting someone else.
I want something real, something that won't leave me wanting or looking over my shoulder.
James cocked his head to the side, a smirk spreading across his face. "You really think you deserve more than that, huh? Than me and Tom? You think you deserve to be coddled and protected because you've never experienced true love before?" He rose from the bed and moved towards me, his eyes never leaving mine.
I could feel my pulse quickening as James invaded my personal space, his heated breath passing over me like a physical touch.
His words stung. I was used to being alone, but the thought of being without James and Tom left a deep sense of loss.
James’ intense gaze bore into me, his voice dropping to a mere whisper. "You want a fairy tale life? You want to ride off into the sunset with your perfect man who'll love you regardless of your past failures? I'll tell you, no one deserves that. Not after everything you've done, Robert.
His azure eyes bore into me with an intensity that made my blood heat in my veins.
"Fine, Robert. If you want to end things, then you'll have to be the one to do it," James said, his voice low and dangerous.
My heart pounded in my chest, but I held my ground. "I don't want to end things completely, James. I just can't keep pretending like I'm not hurting.
I can't keep pretending like I'm not affecting everyone around me. It's not fair to anyone."
James let out a bitter laugh, "Oh, so now you're concerned about being fair? What about when you were parading me around in front of Tom? What about when you slept with me while you were supposed to be figuring things out with him? You seemed fine with being unfair then."
Robert flinched at James' words. He knew they were true, but it didn't make them any easier to hear.
Robert hesitated, knowing he had to respond. "I never intended for things to get this complicated. I thought...I thought we could just keep things casual, you know? I didn't realize it would become so...so serious."
James sneered, crossing his arms over his chest. "So. Now you want to go back to the way things were before? Just a casual hookup? Because that's what this is to you, Robert. A casual hookup.
Fuck, those words hit Robert like a ton of bricks. It was the reality he had been hiding from, despite the warning signs that had been flashing right in front of him. He had been foolish to believe that the tangled web of feelings he had for James, Tom, and even Adam could be untangled through a casual arrangement.
"I'm sorry, James," Robert replied, his voice barely above a whisper. "but I can't keep doing this. Not if I want to be true to myself and to Tom.
I can't pretend that everything is okay, because it's not. I need to do what's right, even if it means losing you."
James looked at him for a long moment, his eyes unreadable. "Fine," he said finally, his voice cold and clipped. "If that's the way you want it. But don't come crawling back to me when you realize that your precious Tom isn't all he's cracked up to be.
When you realize that he's just as flawed as the rest of us." James spat out the words, but Robert could see the hurt in his eyes.
Robert took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "I'm not trying to hurt you, James. I just can't keep living this lie. It's not fair to any of us." He paused for a moment, then added, "I hope we can still be friends."
James gave him a hard, bitter laugh. "Friends? After everything that's happened between us?
James retorted with a bitter laugh that echoed in the room.
Robert hung his head low, knew he couldn't argue with that, but he had to try. He owed it to himself to give it one more shot. "I know I can't take back my mistakes, but I can make amends. I can show you that I care about you, that I've always cared about you. It's not just about sex. It's about the connection we have, the trust we've built."
James smirked, his expression turning cold and distant.
"Ok I admit I pushed you toward an open relationship" admitted James, "but it was because I wanted more than just a random booty call with you. It was way more for me, although I failed to show you every time." His voice was tinged with regret and longing.
The words cut right through Robert's chest, and he couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. He never meant to hurt James, but he knew he had. He was just too blinded by his own insecurities and past failures to see what was right in front of him.
"I never want to hurt you, James. I care about you so much. I just don't know if I can give you want you need right now," Robert replied, his voice full of emotion.
He needed to convey his feelings to James without sounding weak or insincere. "I want to be there for you, I really do. But I can't do it in the way that you want or need me to."
James' smirk melted away, and for a brief moment, he seemed unsure of himself. "Then what do you want, Robert? What do you need?" He asked, his voice softer now.
Robert hesitated, struggling to find the words. It wasn't just about him, it was about Tom and Adam too.
He couldn't keep hurting them or himself in this endless cycle of desire and lust. He needed to figure out what was truly in his heart before he lost it all.
Robert sighed, running a hand through his hair before looking at James with a determined expression. "I need time to figure out who I am and what I truly want. I can't keep bouncing back and forth between you and Tom, or worry about what Adam thinks.
James nodded slowly, understanding dawning on him. "I get it.
I guess I can't expect you to just snap out of it, can I? But, Robert, don't wait too long." James hesitated before continuing, "I'm not trying to pressure you, but I feel like I need to say this. I'm not getting any younger, and I want to settle down with someone I truly care about. And that person is you. But I won't wait around forever.
James' words left a heavy silence in the room. Robert could feel the weight of his own indecision crushing down on him.
He knew that James was right - he couldn't keep putting off the decision for much longer. He needed to take charge of his own life and make a choice. But it was easier said than done.
He thought back to the last time he had been with Tom, how they had lain together under the stars, talking and laughing like old times. It had been so easy then, before James had entered the picture. Now, everything was so complicated, so confused.
And Adam, he thought, what about him?
He had never been able to shake the feeling that Adam was watching him – waiting for him to make a move. Adam, with his piercing blue eyes and strong jawline, had always been confident, sure of himself – a man who demanded respect. And despite Robert's initial reservations, Adam had been the one who had helped him get back on his feet after years of addiction and darkness. Adam had given him a second chance, not once but twice – when he had been hired to train at his gym, and again when he had moved in to his house, needing a place to stay.
Adam had been there for him, always present even when Robert’s life had been chaotic and unmanageable. Adam was a true friend, but there was no denying the tension between them and the palpable chemistry that had started to develop between them.
Robert couldn’t help but feel drawn to Adam. His maturity and stability were incredibly attractive, and the way he looked at Robert made him feel seen in a way that no one else ever had. He knew that he needed to figure out what was going on in his heart, before it was too late – for everyone involved.
He left James' apartment, making his way back to the familiar comfort of his childhood home.
San Francisco never felt so cold and lonely as it did that night. The city that once brought him warmth and support was now like a cage, trapping him in the confusion and turmoil that had taken hold of his life.
Walking through the front door, Robert saw his reflection in the antique mirror hanging in the entryway.
He looked exhausted, like he had aged twenty years in the past few days. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was disheveled. He looked like a man on the edge, and for a moment, he saw himself through James' eyes - a man who didn't know what he wanted or needed.
Robert walked over to the window, looking out at the lights of the city. It had been years since he had lived here, and yet every time he came back, it felt like home. The fog rolled in off the bay, blanketing the streets below.